


Don't Come Any Closer (But Don't Move Away)

by buckthegrump



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Angst, Character Death, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Idiots to Friends to Lovers, Eventual Smut, F/M, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Original Character(s), POV Multiple, Panic Attacks, Slow Burn, Sweet Bellamy, Unplanned Pregnancy, also just remember you signed up for this, but like that's a lot later and i will warn before it happens in the stroy, doctor!Bellamy, doctor!clarke, it's a little bit like greys anatomy but like not that sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-24
Updated: 2019-09-23
Packaged: 2020-03-13 10:30:50
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 35
Words: 52,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18939121
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/buckthegrump/pseuds/buckthegrump
Summary: As she fumbled with her keys, the door of the apartment across from her opened.“Do you need some help?” A voice Clarke had hoped she’d never have to hear again asked.She turned only to have her worst nightmare confirmed, there in front of her in the light of day stood Bellamy Blake.“Ahh, princess,” he nodded his head slightly as if in thought before opening his mouth again, “never mind.”And with that, he walked back into his apartment and shut the door rather harshly.Or the one Clarke ran away from her past only to run into it again.Nominated for a BFWA Modern WIP 2019 :)))





	1. I don't know where it starts

**Author's Note:**

> are all the titles of the chapters song lyrics? yes and shout out to the people who know which songs they are. also don't tell
> 
>  
> 
> [layneee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Layneee/pseuds/Layneee)
> 
>  
> 
> that i'm posting a new fic she'll get mad at me

**September**

* * *

 

It was raining. Of course, it was raining. It was the end of September and the Pacific Northwest. That was one of the things her mother warned her about. It was one of Abby’s selling points to get Clarke to stay, that there was better weather in Florida. But Clarke couldn’t, she couldn’t walk the walls of her mother’s hospital anymore. 

So she left and gave no reasoning to her mother or any of her co-workers.

She had applied for a job here, on the opposite side of the country and got the hell out of Arc Hospital. Not much warning and no explanation. The only thing she told her mother was that she needed a change of pace. 

Which is how she found herself at the lobby of the Portland Airport. Her Lyft finally arrived and the driver helped load her things into the trunk and drove her to her new apartment building. 

Her apartment complex was direct access and was just outside of the city right on the cusp of the Portland/Beaverton line. 

The driver stopped the car and helped her unpacked her bags. The rain looked like it had stopped briefly, which Clarke was happy about that meant that she might be able to take her bags to her apartment without getting drenched. Clarke dragged them into the front office and got her keys and information from the property manager. 

The property manager, Terry, offered to help her take her suitcases to her apartment. And despite the fact that this man had muscles for days, she declined. Now she was regretting that particular decision.

She slammed her second suitcase outside her second-floor apartment and took a second before she opened the door. She was wet and cold and wondered who’s brilliant idea it was to have direct access in one of the rainiest parts of the country. The fact that the walkway to her door was covered was a small miracle.

There were about three building in total and each building had two sides facing each other with a walkway in between that had a roof over it. There were only two stories to each building.

As she fumbled with her keys, the door of the apartment across from her opened.

“Do you need some help?” A voice Clarke had hoped she’d never have to hear again asked.

She turned only to have her worst nightmare confirmed, there in front of her in the light of day stood Bellamy Blake.

“Ahh, princess,” he nodded his head slightly as if in thought before opening his mouth again, “never mind.”

And with that, he walked back into his apartment and shut the door rather harshly.

“Nice to know some things never change,” Clarke mumbled.

She finally got her door opened and hauled her luggage inside.

The apartment was smaller than she’d expected but she didn’t mind too much, it was larger than any place she’d live in while she was in New York studying. There was little to no furniture, there was only an old untrustworthy looking folding chair. All of her big-ticket items, like her bed and couch, were on their way. 

Clarke pulled out her phone to make sure that the movers would, in fact, be arriving today with her things. She unnecessarily held her breath while she refreshed her email. She let out her breath when she saw an unopened message from the moving company.

**Ms. Griffin, our deepest apologies but unfortunately we are running a little bit behind schedule and will be unable to deliver your things today. If your things don’t arrive within 48 hours, please give us a call.**

_ Great. That's just perfect. And it’s Doctor. _

Clarke put her phone back in her purse. She stood there staring at the chair.

_ I’ve been cursed.  _ Clarke thought to herself, it was truly the only logical explanation to her current string of bad luck.

Clarke put her suitcases into the closet in her room. There was a built-in dresser in the walk-in closet. She opened one of the drawers, ready to put some of her close away, only to be greeted with a horrendous smell. She opened the others, they also had a smell but the source seemed to be the first one.

She had to go to the store anyway to get an air mattress to sleep on and a blanket or two, she might as well get some cleaning supplies and wipe this place down before all her shit got here. But then she ran into a bigger problem, she’d sold her car before moving here. She had plans to get one tomorrow, she’d already done the research, but now she needed one to go shopping. Not only that but she was unfamiliar with the public transit system around here.

She could take a Lyft, but that seemed rude especially since she had to buy so much in one trip.

And she only currently knew two people. Indra; and Clarke wouldn’t ask her for a ride unless her life depended on it, and Bellamy; and every time Clarke laid eyes on him she wanted to punch him in the face.

Moving was starting to seem like a bad idea.

_ Swallow your pride girl or you’ll be sleeping on the floor. _

Clarke grabbed her purse and keys and walked out her door. As she locked her door she had to re-talk herself into doing what she was about to do.

She turned around, walked the few feet that were in between her and Bellamy’s apartments, and knocked.

Clarke heard footsteps stop at the door and there was a long pause before the door opened.

“What do you want, princess?” Bellamy asked annoyed.

“I would very much appreciate your help with something,” Clarke said trying to sound as civil as possible.

“Oh so now you want my help?” Bellamy leaned against the door jamb.

“What?”

“You didn’t seem to want my help earlier with your bags.” He shrugged.

“You didn’t let me answer you just said never mind and walked away!” Clarke snapped at him.

Bellamy made let out a breath that vibrated his lips to make a horse sound, “It doesn’t sound like you want my help.”

“God you’re insufferable,” she groaned.

“Ok, jeez, I’ll leave.” He took a step backward.

“No, wait!” Clarke shouted and Bellamy stopped and raised a brow at her. “Please?”

“I’m not saying I will, but if I did agree to help you what would you need?” He returned to his leaning position and Clarke wanted to ignore how good he looked doing it but she couldn’t. 

“I need a ride to the store -”

“Take the bus.”

“Because I need to buy an air mattress,” she continued ignoring his outburst, “Because none of my furniture is here nor will it be until Friday at the lastest.”

“Do you not have a car?” Bellamy yawned dramatically.

_ Why would I be asking you for a ride if I had my own car, genius? _

“No, I sold my old one and I was going to get one tomorrow,” she was giving him more information than he needed and she wasn’t sure why.

“So why don’t you wait until tomorrow to go get the air mattress?” He asked seriously.

Clarke blinked at him blankly a few times. “I don’t want to have to sleep on the floor tonight,” She answered dryly.

“What store did you want to go to?” Bellamy sighed.

“Uhh -”

“You don’t know?”

“I honestly didn’t think you’d say yes,” she said in a low voice.

“Then why’d you ask?”

“Because I really didn’t want to take the bus.” Clarke shrugged.

Bellamy stared at her for a second, it was the first time ever that he’d looked at her and didn’t have a hint of any disdain. Wordlessly, he reached into his apartment grabbed his keys and locked his door before closing it.

He led her to the stairs at the end of the covered walkway.

“We’ll go to Freddy’s,” he told her.

“To what?”

“Fred Meyer’s,” he said.

“What?”

Bellamy gave her a quick look and continued to walk. He led her to a light blue Subaru.

Not exactly the kind of car Clarke was expecting this jackass to drive but at least it wasn’t an obnoxiously big pickup truck. Bellamy was the first to get in the car when Clarke tried to open the door it wouldn’t budge. She glared at Bellamy who had a grin on his face

She heard the click of the locks and tried again but just as she was about to pull the handle again the locks clicked again.

“Blake,” she groaned.

This time when he unlocked the doors she was fast and wouldn’t know if he’d planned to lock them again or not. 

On the drive to this so-called “Freddy’s”, Bellamy would not pick a song. He kept skipping every song that came on his Spotify. Needless to say, it was driving Clarke crazy. So much so that she couldn’t be bothered to tune into Bellamy’s, rather embarrassing, taste in music.

“Please just pick a song,” she begged, glaring at the radio.

“Oh is this annoying to you?” He asked as he skipped three more songs.

“Blake please, I’m begging you, it could literally be anything just pick a song,” Clarke said.

With a smirk, Bellamy finally settled on a  [ song ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XPBwXKgDTdE) . Once Clarke got over her previous annoyance it registered exactly what song was playing over the speakers. She tried to hide her gin as she looked to Bellamy.

“Seriously?” Clarke snorted.

Bellamy glared at the road but it was obviously meant for Clarke.

“Do you have a problem with my taste in music, because I can let you out of the car so you can wal-”

“No,” Clarke rushed, “I just didn’t peg you as a Taylor Swift kind of guy.”

“First of all this song is great I don’t care who you are, second of all tell anyone, you die.”

Clarke put her hands up as if to say ‘whatever dude’ but she couldn’t wipe the smug smile off her face.

Before the song had finished Bellamy parked the car in front of the store. Clarke followed him in and to the camping section of the store. She grabbed the sturdiest cheap air mattress she could find.

“Where are the cleaning supplies?” She asked him.

Bellamy rolled his eyes and took her to the section.

As she loaded the cart with arguably too many cleaning supplies, he made a face with each new thing she grabbed.

“Did you start a cleaning business? Are you taking on any new jobs? Because I would love to hire you,” he mocked, “But you have to wear a little French maid outfit otherwise, what’s the point?”

Clarke didn’t take her eyes off the mops as she rolled her eyes at his comment.

She stuck to keeping her mouth shut for the rest of the time until they got back to the complex. It came as a surprise to her when he didn’t need prompting to help her carry her things to her door.

“Thank you,” she said when he put the mattress down at her door.

He opened his mouth, probably to say something snarky but Clarke cut him off.

“Seriously Blake,” she caught his gaze, “Thank you.”

He nodded and walked into his apartment without another word.

Clarke snorted to herself. “Well, that was fucking weird.”


	2. I'm trapped in my own haunted thoughts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so I just watched 6x05 and woah y'all

Clarke was in the middle scrubbing down her new home. She’d started in the kitchen then she mopped the hardwood floors of the living/dining room. Now she was working on the god awful smell coming from the dresser.

She was interrupted by a knock at her door. She walked around the corner and stared at her door in disbelief for a moment before putting the chain up and cracked open the door. The man who stood on the other side looked at her bewildered.

“You’re not Bellamy,” he concluded.

“What gave me away?” She asked and he laughed.

“There were a few things,” he smiled at her and she returned it, “I’m Miller.”

“Clarke.”

Just as she was about to close the door another man came up and practically tackled Miller.

“Who ya talking to Miller?” The new guy asked and then caught sight of Clarke. “Well, you’re new.”

“So it would seem,” Clarke said.

“Get off me, Murphy,” Miller said as he shook off the new guy.

“Hey, are you guys coming or not?” Bellamy asked from his doorway.

He was in grey sweats and an old t-shirt. Clarke wanted to ignore just how good he looked in his casual wear, truth be told, she wanted to ignore he looked all the time. But her subconscious and body wouldn’t let her.

“It was nice meeting you,” Miller said and he and Murphy walked to Bellamy’s place.

Clarke closed the door but before it latched she heard someone say, “Dude, your new neighbor is hot.”

“Shut up Murphy,” Bellamy grumbled.

* * *

The movers did actually show up the next day so Clarke’s plans of getting a new car were thwarted. So on Friday, her first day of work, she had to choose between navigating the bus system or just ordering a ride. She chose the latter option knowing that there was a very good chance she would miss her stop and get lost.

She arrived at the hospital early to try and get a feel for the place and also talk to Indra.

After about 5 minutes of walking around trying not to look lost, she found Indra’s office.

“Chief Forester,” Clarke poked her head in with a smile.

“Ah, Clarke Griffin,” Indra wasn’t one for smiling but she gave Clarke a small one for just a moment. “When your application for the position crossed my desk I almost didn’t believe it.”

Clarke finished entering the doorway and sat at one of the two chairs Indra had across from her.

“Yeah, well I needed a change in scenery.” Clarke shrugged.

“Is that all?” Indra cocked her head to the side.

“Have you talked to my mother?”

“Not really, but I have talked to your stepfather.” Indra got up from her chair and walked around the desk to lean against the front. “Marcus was very interested in whether or not I was going to hire you. Of course, you’re one of the best in your field so I would be a fool not to. But I did find it interesting that Marcus was so invested in your career pursuits.”

“Well, you know Marcus, just looking out for those he loves,” Clarke said. It wasn’t a lie, but it wasn’t exactly why Marcus called Indra.

“I know but it seemed different this time; like he wanted to call in a favor if you hadn’t gotten the job on your own.” Indra stared at Clarke.

It was a look Clarke had seen a lot growing up, mostly when she and Gaia were getting into trouble for something and Indra wanted them to confess to doing it. But it wasn’t going to work this time so Clarke just stared back.

“Clarke I don’t know what you’re running from -”

“I’m not running,” Clarke interrupted her but was silenced by a hand.

“I don’t know and I don’t care,” Indra said, “But this isn’t going to be something that causes trouble for my hospital is it?”

“No,” Clarke answered without hesitation, although she wasn’t 100% sure on that.

“Good,” Indra stood up straight, “Let me show you around then.”

From what Clarke could tell from the tour this hospital was smaller than her old one and less busy. But her old one was a level 1 trauma and this was was a level 2. There was also a few insurance company-owned hospitals in the area.

Indra had introduced Clarke to most of the attendings but apparently, the head of pediatrics was in a surgery.

They were in front of the OR board when Indra yelled and scared Clarke.

“Green!” Indra called and an Asian man came over, looking a little shy. “This is our new head of ortho. Clarke Griffin.”

“Like Abby Griffin?” Green asked.

“The one and only,” Clarke confirmed.

“I’m Monty, Indra’s really the only one that calls me ‘Green’.” Monty stuck out his hand. “Welcome.”

“Hi,” Clarke said.

“Alright Griffin,” Indra turned to her, “I’ll leave you to it.”

Indra left Clarke and Monty where they stood.

“So, why’d you decide to home here?” Monty asked.

“Well, my mom and Indra used to work together and I figured that nepotism would continue to get me further in life than my actual skills ever would so I came here,” Clarke said. Monty eyed her unsure if she was joking or not. “I’m kidding, I did apply for the job because I know Indra from my childhood but I also know that Indra wouldn’t hire someone because she used work with their mother.”

“Oh,” Monty let out a sigh of relief.

“You were worried I was going to be a huge dick weren’t you?” Clarke chuckled.

“Honestly, yeah.” 

A feminine laugh came from the doors that led to the OR hallway and Monty looked over and his face softened. Clarke looked over to where Monty attention was and there was a woman about Clarke’s age with a scrub cap on laughing.

“Who’s that?” Clarke asked.

“Harper McIntyre,” Monty said wistfully.

Clarke bounced her eyes back and forth between Monty and Harper for a moment.

“Are you two dating?” Clarke asked Monty as she turned to him.

“Ha, I wish,” Monty scoffed.

Clarke smiled to herself, she knew she  _ probably _ shouldn’t get involved in other people’s love life. But she was a meddler and if she couldn’t have her own goddamn it, she was going to help other people.

“Why don’t you say something to her?” Clarke asked.

Monty turned and gave her a ‘do-I-look-like-that-kind-of-person’ look. One that spoke to Clarke’s soul because when it came to men she found attractive, she also was not that kind of person. 

“Ok, fine don’t say something to her.” Clarke was trying to hide her smirk but she must’ve done a real shit job because Monty said,

“Oh god,” he grumbled.

“You and I are going to have so much fun.” 

She looked back over to Harper who had been joined by her walking nightmare. 

“Bellamy Blake works here?” Clarke muttered mostly to herself but Monty seemed to hear.

“You know Bellamy?” Monty asked chipperly.

Clarke opened her mouth to say something but Monty continued talking.

“Don’t tell him I said this but I’m kind of jealous of the way he can just talk to people,” Monty said.

“You seem to be doing a fine job talking to me,” Clarke pointed out.

She turned to walk away.

“Princess?” 

Clarke groaned loudly and turned to face them.

“Blake,” Clarke didn’t try to keep the hatred out of her voice.

“I didn’t know you were a doctor,” he smirked and leaned against the nurses’ station.

Clarke knew he was lying they were in the same classes in undergrad. 

“Bellamy, be nice,” Harper chastised. Then she turned her attention to Clarke. “I’m Harper, welcome to Polis General. How are you liking it so far?”

“Clarke, thank you.” Clarke smiled at her. “It’s great well, was.” She looked pointedly at Bellamy.

Bellamy just winked at Clarke and she rolled her eyes.

“Hi Monty,” Harper greeted softly.

“Hi,” he said in a similar manner.

Clarke watched their encounter completely forgetting that Bellamy was there.

“Are you going to lunch?” Harper asked hopefully.

“I actually have a surgery in a minute,” Monty said.

“Oh, ok. Well, I’ll see ya around,” Harper gave him a small wave and left.

“Bye,” Monty said as she walked off. He ducked his head as he walked into the OR hallway.

_ How in love can two people be? _

“We have a pool going.” 

Clarke jumped at the sudden noise and looked at the nurses’ station to find one of the boys from the other night. Murphy? 

“Clarke, good to see you again,” he smiled, “I didn’t properly introduce myself the other night -” he stuck out his hand “Murphy.”

She took it hesitantly, “Hi.”

“So you want in on the pool?” Murphy asked excitedly.

“Please Murphy, the princess doesn’t partake in such things,” Bellamy sneered.

Clarke glanced at him sideways and looked back at Murphy, “Yeah I’m in, get me the information and I’ll place my bet.”

“But that means you can’t interfere with them,” Bellamy said.

“Who said I was going to do that?” Clarke defended.

“Oh please,” Bellamy laughed, “remember Glass and Luke?”

“That was completely different and you know it!” She huffed.

“Whatever you say, princess,” Bellamy smirked.

Clarke was too fed up with Bellamy to hear Murphy’s semi-quiet,

“Interesting.” As he sat back in his chair.

“It was! They asked for my help!” Clarke raised her voice.

“Oh, they did?” Bellamy taunted.

Clarke waved him off and started walking away from him. She wasn’t sure where she was headed she just knew she had to get away from him.


	3. Somebody ripped me at the seems

Hospitals were essentially the same everywhere. Top three things that made them truly different were: the names attached to said hospital, the people that worked there, and the funding that the hospitals got (usually a direct correlation with the names). 

This hospital was vastly different from her last hospital because although it had an ER she wasn’t being paged to said ER nonstop.

Clarke was about to make a comment to herself about how she found it odd that she hadn’t been paged to the ER yet when her pager went off. 

She made her way to the ER.

“Dr. Griffin,” a spunky intern bounced up to her. “I’m Fox.”

“Fox? Is that a nickname or…?” Clarke walked past her to the hospital bed.

“Um, kind of,” the young girl continued talking, “It was something that people called me in med school and it kind of stuck. When they said that Doctor Griffin was coming to Polis, I thought it was going to be your mom. But I kind of think you’re better. Don’t tell your mom I said so -”

“Fox,” Clarke cut her off, “The patient.”

“Right, umm Charlotte Miles,” Fox turned her attention to the patient, “she has a pretty gnarly femur break.”

“Gnarly femur break?” Clarke looked at Fox and then to Charlotte. “Do you have an X-Ray?”

Fox opened her mouth and then closed it again.

“Ok well,” Clarke sighed, “Take her to get an X-Ray.”

_ Was I this dumb as an intern? Or are they getting more dense with each year? _

Clarke walked to the nurses’ station before looking back at Charlotte’s bed. No parents and Fox didn’t say anything. Clarke turned around to Murphy.

“What’s up, princess?” Murphy asked typing away on the computer.

“Call me that again and lose your ability to speak,” Clarke said sweetly before turning her tone serious, “Will you call social services.”

“Yeah sure,” Murphy said. During the entire conversation he had with CPS, he had a shit-eating grin on his face. When he hung up he looked at Clarke.

“What?” She asked.

“I’m just wondering why you got so,” he paused, “bothered by the fact that I called you by your nickname.”

“It’s Murphy right?” He nodded. “Great, Murphy listen, we don’t know each other well enough for you to just call me by a nickname.”

“I think the fact that you just threatened my life makes us best friends,” Murphy winked, “But if you don’t want to be called princess I can figure something else out.”

“I’d rather you not and I didn’t threaten your life,” Clarke muttered.

“So what’s the deal with you and Bellamy?” Murphy rested his head on his hand which he propped up on his elbow.

“There is no deal with me and Blake,” she rolled her eyes. 

She could tell that Murphy had more to say about the subject but she was being paged by Fox. So she made her way to radiology where Fox was looking at an X-Ray with a worried expression on her face.

“What’s wrong, Fox?” Clarke asked. Clarke looked at the X-Ray but couldn’t find anything too disconcerting about it. The child would need an operation to line the bone back up before they could brace it.

“She’ll need an operation,” Fox sighed.

“So it appears,” Clarke nodded.

“She doesn’t have a family.”

“Did she tell you this?” Clarke turned to the intern.

“Yeah while we were getting her X-Ray.”

“Fox, why didn’t you notice that she didn’t have a parent with here the instant you started treating her?” Fox opened her mouth to respond but Clarke didn’t give her time to do so. “That should’ve been something you noticed before you even paged me and you should’ve had one of the nurses call child protective services.”

“I can do that -”

“Don’t bother I already have,” Clarke turned back to the X-Rays, “What you can do is book and OR and page Peds. I don’t want Blake on my ass because I didn’t tell him I was operating on a child.”

“What is it with you and Bellamy?” Fox asked.

“Go, Fox,” Clarke ordered and Fox rushed out of the room.

* * *

Clarke was already elbow-deep in the patient when Bellamy burst through the door.

“What the hell, Griffin?” Bellamy barreled toward her until he was standing right behind her. His presence made her heart race. “I don’t know how things worked at your old hospital but typically you page peds when you’re going to work on a child.”

“I did.” Clarke glanced over to Fox who had wide eyes. “Or Fox did, isn’t that right Fox?”

“Uhh-” Fox squeaked.

“Jesus Christ,” Clarke muttered.

_ Ok, there was no way I was this dumb as an intern. _

“So you just pawn off your work on interns now is that it?” Bellamy demanded. 

“Oh please, that’s literally their job,” Clarke said.

“No their job is to learn -”

Clarke stopped what she was doing with her hands and turned her head to look at Bellamy. “And they learn by making mistakes, and I don’t know about you but I’d rather have them make a mistake like forgetting to page Peds one time.”

“Oh so you think -” Bellamy started but Clarke cut him off,

“Besides I know what I’m doing I’ve worked on children before, in case you’ve forgotten children break bones all the time. If I thought that there were going to be major complications during the surgery I would’ve double checked that you’d been paged before I even finished scrubbing in,” Clarke finished silencing him.

Clarke could feel Bellamy lean over her shoulder and look at her work.

“Well, it looks like you’re almost done,” Bellamy whispered, “Page me if you need me.”

Clarke focused on the leg until she was sure Bellamy was out of the room.

“Fox,” she said and the young doctor looked at her, “Don’t let it happen again or you won’t see the inside of an OR for a month.”

“Yes ma’am,” Fox nodded.

_ Interns. _

* * *

> _ “Marcus I can’t -” _
> 
> _ “No, I know but,” Marcus took a deep breath. “You need to talk to your mother about it.” _
> 
> _ “I could,” Clarke said sounding thoughtful, “Or I could just leave. Clean break.” _
> 
> _ “You want to ghost your mother?”  _
> 
> _ “How do you even know what that means?” _
> 
> _ “I talk to kids Clarke,” Marcus shrugged, “I’m hip.” _
> 
> _ “That’s not how that works,” Clarke snickered. _
> 
> _ “Maybe not,” Marcus smiled, “But you know damn well that if you just up and leave your mother will track you down and make you come back.” _
> 
> _ “Marcus -” _
> 
> _ “I’m not going to push you to tell me why you’re leaving, hell I’m not even asking you to tell your mother. But you should at least tell her that you’re leaving.” _
> 
> _ Clarke sighed heavily. She knew he was right but when she told Abby that she was, in fact, leaving Abby would demand to know why. And that wasn’t something Clarke was willing to share. _


	4. Mirror in the sky, what is love?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> didn't i just upload a chapter yesterday? yes. but i got bored so here we are.

Clarke sat next to Harper in the cafeteria.

It’d been a week since she started working at Polis and she was liking it so far, except for one little thing. 

“So you’re just taking Lyft every day?” Harper asked. “Doesn’t that get expensive?”

Clarke shrugged and made a noncommittal noise. “Maybe but I haven’t had time to go buy a car.”

Harper looked as if she was about to say something when Murphy sat down at their table. The two women looked at the intruder, then to each other.

“Whatcha talkin’ about?” Murphy asked.

“Clarke needs a new car,” Harper said taking a bite of her salad.

“Clarke, Portland really isn’t a place that you can live without a car,” Murphy said, “Maybe if you want to deal with public transit but even then -”

“I have a plan to go get a car, I’m going on my next day off,” Clarke told him.

“Good, you probably should take a man with you,” Murphy shrugged.

Harper and Clarke gave him a look.

“I’m sorry?” Harper asked the same time Clarke asked,

“What did you just say to me?”

“Well, when a single woman goes to a car dealership the salesmen like to overcharge them,” Murphy pointed out, “You should make Bellamy take you!”

Murphy pointed to Bellamy who was minding his own business as he walked by but stopped when he heard his name. Bellamy looked at Murphy then to Clarke and Harper.

“What am I doing?” He asked mouth full of fries.

“You are taking Clarke to buy a car,” Harper smiled at Clarke.

Bellamy took the seat next to Murphy while Clarke glared at Harper.

“Thanks, McIntyre,” Clarke grumbled.

“Why do I need to take Clarke to get a car?” Bellamy asked then turned his attention to Clarke. “Would’ve figured even a princess in this day and age had gone car shopping before and didn’t need any help.”

Clarke glared at him but didn’t say anything.

“Bellamy, you know as well as I know that any car salesmen will overcharge her,” Murphy told him, “Besides aren’t you the one that forced Octavia to take me with her?”

“So why don’t you go with her?” Bellamy asked.

“Because you live right next to her and,” Murphy turned to Clarke, “you’re the only person that she allows - OW!”

Clarke smirked, glad that she didn’t miss his shin.

“I’m the only person allowed to what, princess?” Bellamy smirked.

Clarke was trying to think of something witty to say when yet another person sat down at the table.

“Pregnant ladies are so sweet,” Miller said setting a Tupperware full of cookies on the table.

“Damn, I should’ve become an OBGYN,” Murphy muttered stuffing his face full of cookies.

“I still don’t understand how a gay man becomes an expert on the vagina,” Harper said and Miller laughed.

“It was because of my mom,” Miller said. “What are we talking about?”

“Bellamy is going to be the best neighbor ever and take Clarke to get a new car,” Harper said.

“Oh good,” Miller smiled.

Clarke had given up on fighting this because it seemed like the path of least resistance. Bellamy however moaned and groaned the entire time they brought it up. Clarke sat back and watched Miller and Murphy share looks every time that they got a reaction out of Bellamy.

_ It’s happening again. _

Clarke wasn’t an idiot she knew that look, she saw it all the time in undergrad from Thalia, Wells, and Glass.

Bellamy and Harper’s pager went off.

“Consult in the pit?” Harper asked.

“Yeah, you two?” Bellamy asked and they got up and left. 

Clarke looked at Murphy and Miller.

“What’s the pool up to?” Clarke asked and the two men looked shocked.

“I do  _ not _ know to what you are referring,” Murphy said sticking his nose in the air.

“Yeah, Clarke we didn’t do anything,” Miller said.

“Neither of you are even the slightest bit convincing, and I thought part of the rules were ‘no interfering’,” Clarke crossed her arms in front of her chest.

“We aren’t interfering,” Miller insisted before he realized what he did. Murphy smacked him upside the head.

“Way to go, idiot,” Murphy grumbled.

“So, how much?” Clarke tired again.

The two boys were quiet for a moment as they both looked down at the ground. 

“Collectively like,” Murphy shrugged, “200 dollars.”

“You’re idiots,” Clarke said and Murphy shrugged.

* * *

Clarke was in the middle of getting ready to walk out the door when she heard a knock. Not bothering to check the peephole she opened the door.

“Blake,” she greeted coldly, “What are you doing here?”

“Well, I live here -”

“You live across the way not here,” Clarke corrected him.

“Will you shut up I’m trying to do something nice,” Bellamy urged and Clarke shut her mouth, “You still getting your car today?”

“Yeah,” Clarke answered slowly.

Bellamy let out a defeated sigh, “C’mon then, I’ll take you.”

Clarke walked out of her apartment and locked the door behind her. “You don’t have to take me, I can get a car on my own.”

“I’m not letting you get ripped off because a car salesman thinks he can belittle you.”

“Wow, you truly are a warrior for feminism,” Clarke said sarcastically, “Are you going to pretend to be my husband?”

“Princess, you couldn’t handle being married to me. Even if it was only pretend for a few hours,” Bellamy smirked.

“Blake -”

“This isn’t up for discussion Clarke, I’m taking you and you’re going to be grateful and then you’re going to owe me so big,” Bellamy said and walked toward the stairs.

Clarke shifted her purse strap on her shoulder and followed him. She wanted to say that she wasn’t already grateful for someone to go with her but that’d be a lie. The last time she’d gotten a new car it was from Marcus who owned a car dealership and the first car she’d ever had was one that her father had gotten for her, so she really had no experience buying a car.

This time Bellamy actually listened to a song without being prompted to just let one play. Unfortunately, for Clarke’s ears, Bellamy had decided that his rendition of Chandelier was something that Clarke just had to hear.

The chorus was the worst part, during the verses he was at least semi in tune but he was not a belter. But Clarke kept her mouth shut and resisted the urge to pull out her phone and record him because that would get her kicked out of his car for sure.

Clarke tried to keep her eyes on the road in front of her but she couldn’t stop herself from looking over at Bellamy every once in a while. He was getting really into it and it made Clarke smile, for a moment before she remembered that she hated him and turned her attention back to the road.

_ Clearly, you find him attractive Clarke, maybe you should hate fuck him and get it over with. _

Clarke rolled her eyes at herself but Bellamy saw that.

“Do you not like my singing Clarke?” He asked mischievously.

“Blake -” Clarke faux sobbed.

He switched to Popular from Wicked and even changed his voice for the different characters at the start of the song. And at every red light, he would lean over and boop her nose as if Clarke was Elphaba. 

Clarke looked up to the sky.

_ Why me? _

* * *

Clarke was looking at the interior of the sedan through the window.

“I’m not allowing you to get a Prius,” Bellamy grumbled. He was leaning against the back door of the car.

Clarke looked at him, “Why not?”

“It’s predictable and if you’re getting my help getting this new car you have to get something that’s more fun and reliable.” He pushed himself off the car.

“Prius’ are plenty reliable,” Clarke argued as she followed him. “Would you rather I get a Subaru? Maybe I’ll get a light blue one and then we can be matching soccer moms.”

Bellamy turned to her, “First of all, princess, it’s not a minivan it’s an SUV hybrid. And they’re a better company than Toyota.”

“Can I help you find anything?” A man in his late forties went up to Bellamy and asked.

“Actually,” Bellamy stepped next to Clarke, “She’s the one looking for a car.”

“Ahh, so what can I help you find Miss?”

“Doctor,” Clarke corrected. “It’s Doctor.”

Clarke didn’t miss the way Bellamy ducked his head and shook it, but she also didn’t miss the smirk that he had.

“Oh sorry, Doctor,” the man said and stuck out his hand, “I’m Cage.”

Cage led them around the lot. He showed them a few different cars. Clarke only test drove one car. 

Bellamy sat in the front seat while Cage was in the back.

Now Clarke wouldn’t call herself a bad driver per se, but Marcus told her that when she test drove a car she should be a little more rough with the braking and what not, not so much that she’d be considered a bad driver but clearly that wasn’t Bellamy’s thought.

When the test drive was over Cage said he’d give them a few minutes to talk and left them alone.

“I almost don’t want you to get any car,” Bellamy snorted.

“Why? I’m a fine driver,” Clarke said.

“Uhh, no you’re not. And I feel a responsibility to every other driver on the road,” Bellamy half-joked.

“So what am I supposed to do take a Lyft every day?”

“We could carpool,” he offered as if the two of them were longtime friends.

“We would kill each other in the week,” Clarke pointed out as she brushed past him, “I’m getting the car.”

An hour later, after Cage had tried (and failed) to overcharge her for the car, Clarke was the proud owner of a new Nissan Sentra.

“Alright princess,” Bellamy said as he followed her out to her car, “Do you need to follow me home?”

“You realize there’s this thing called google maps I can use right?” 

Bellamy just blinked at her and waited for a real answer.

“Liam and I will follow you home yes,” Clarke finally said and Bellamy’s face twisted in confusion.

“Who the fuck is Liam?”

Clarke pointed at her car, “Liam.”

“Why Liam?”

“Liam Nissan,” Clarke shrugged.

“Oh my god,” Bellamy muttered under his breath as he walked back to his car.

The ride home Clarke didn’t want to think about the tiny part of her that kind of missed Bellamy belting out (horribly) one song or another. So instead she focused on the fact that she’d finally gotten a new car and wouldn’t have to Lyft all the damn time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all i promise more interesting parts are coming


	5. We were both young when I first saw you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I didn't post this yesterday I was busy dying at a shawn mendes concert the nail in my coffin was when he stood in front of me and stared into my soul and thanked me for having a good time (side note: was i supposed to be having a bad time?) like if y'all wanna find me on tumblr (same name) i'll tell ya the whole story

**October**

Clarke was finally getting into a groove at work. She was making friends easily, although there were a few characters that she could do without (Bellamy) but still, he was better than what she’d left behind.

Working in Ortho was always kept Clarke on her toes. Sometimes the only patients she’d see were older folks whose brittle bones had a hard time keeping up with their semi-active lifestyle. Other times she’d get a wave of children.

Apparently, October was prime time for children to break her bones because she was spending a lot of time patching up children. Which also meant that Bellamy was there, and his previous trajectory of actually becoming a nice person seemed to be a flook because he was back to his asshole self.

Which is why when she got paged to the peds floor she didn’t even try to cover up her groan.

“What took you so long?” Bellamy demanded when she walked in the room.

There were light boxes hanging on the wall for x-rays.

“You realize that most of these can be digitized right? Like we don’t have to waste these?” Clarke ignored his question because, despite his instance, it really didn’t take her that long to find him.

“Just tell me what I’m looking at,” he said a little on edge.

Normally Clarke would’ve poked fun at him for not being nice, but there was something in his eyes that told her not to push it. She examined the scans of the lower leg and turned to Bellamy.

“You’ll need a biopsy,” Clarke said and Bellamy’s face dropped, “But it looks like Osteosarcoma.”

“Damn it,” Bellamy muttered and walked out of the room.

Quickly, Clarke turned off the lightbox and pulled down the scans. She followed Bellamy out of the room and down the hallway.

“How old are they?” Clarke said as she tried to keep up with Bellamy’s fast pace. When he didn’t answer her she asked a different question. “What’s your plan?”

Once again he was silent to Clarke grabbed his arm and stopped him.

“Blake-”

“She’s 5 Clarke,” he said softly.

“You need a biopsy to confirm,” she reminded him.

“She’s 5,” he reiterated.

“I heard you the first time, but you don’t know for sure. You also need to get yourself together before you go in there and tell her parents.”

Bellamy nodded and leaned up against the hallway wall.

* * *

Clarke could tell Bellamy was nervous, he was ripping up a receipt he’d found in his lab coat pocket. A lot of people would see that as a mindless thing but Clarke had known Bellamy long enough to know what this was. He’d done it all the time in undergrad, Clarke had once watched him almost rip up an entire page of notes for a test he was anxious about.

“The survival rate of this, if it hasn’t spread, is 70%,” Clarke stated.

Bellamy looked at her.

They were right outside the window for labs. Bellamy told her that she didn’t have to wait with him but she didn’t listen. Mostly because if it was bone cancer then this was her case too, but also because she knew he would get in his own head if he was alone.

“70%?” He asked.

“Yup.”

“How much if it has spread?” He bit his bottom lip.

“Well we don’t even know if she has it in the first place,” Clarke pointed out, “Tell me about her.”

“What?”

“The patient, you seem to be invested in this particular case, so tell me about her.” Clarke leaned against the wall next to Bellamy.

“She’s just been in and out of the hospital a lot and I didn’t want her to have to go through yet another thing that’s going to stop her from being a kid,” he sighed.

“Let’s just wait and see if she does have cancer or not,” Clarke said.

* * *

Bellamy remembered the first time he met Clarke. It was nothing special, it was just the first day when all the freshmen moved into their dorms and each floor had a meeting with all the residents.

> When Bellamy had signed up for campus housing he hadn’t realized it was a co-ed floor. Not that he minded, it just would’ve been nice to prepare himself for even the possibility of that.
> 
> He also hadn’t realized that campus housing would be full of snooty rich kids. But the girl sitting across from him, she was hot, she had blonde hair and blue eyes which wasn’t normally his type but there was something about this girl.
> 
> Every time she opened her mouth he held his breath afraid that she would say something that would break the allusion, not that he still wouldn’t fuck her. But he really didn’t want this girl to be a bitch.
> 
> It wasn’t until he overheard her say something about her mother Abby Griffin that he started to resent her.
> 
> Of course, her mother would be the most renowned surgeon in the world. And if she was going to follow her mother’s footsteps, and Bellamy really thought she would, that meant that she could get into any program she wanted no problem while he would have to work twice as hard.
> 
> As luck would have it they had almost every class together and they just seemed to get on each other's nerves, which really killed the attraction he previously had for her.

So when Clarke moved in across the way from him he was surprised, to say the least. He would give her this, she was just as hot as she was that first day. No, she was hotter, which pissed him off even more. And they fell back on old habits of being the worst to each other.

“Blake, the results you wanted,” the lab tech held out a paper in Bellamy’s direction.

Bellamy took the paper with a little more vigor than he meant. He quickly read over the paper before thrusting into Clarke’s hands.

* * *

Clarke took the paper and watched as Bellamy walked down the hallway. She waited until he was out of sight to look at the lab results.

_ Poor girl. _

She practically ran to catch up with Bellamy who wasn’t as far in front of her as she thought. They silently made their way to room with the patient in it. Her mother was standing outside the door.

Bellamy did a quick introduction before he told Ella’s mother, Anna, the results of the biopsy. Clarke stood there silently waiting for her turn.

“So what’s the plan?” Anna asked tearfully.

“Doctor Griffin,” Bellamy started but stopped himself.

“I’m the head of the Ortho,” Clarke introduced herself to Anna.

“Have you seen this kind of thing before?” She asked and Clarke nodded. Anna took a deep breath. “Umm is there a survival rate?”

“We have to run more tests but if we caught it early enough,” Clarke quickly glanced at Bellamy who was holding himself together, “70%.”

“70?” Anna nodded to herself. “Ok what about if we didn’t catch it soon enough?”

“Then it drops down to 30%,” Clarke told her and her face fell, “When’s the last time Ella was here for a checkup?”

“Last month,” Bellamy answered before Anna could.

Clarke put her hands on Anna’s shoulders, “That means that the chances of Ella’s cancer having progressed that far is very slim.”

“So, it’s looking good?” Anna asked with wide eyes.

Clarke nodded.

Anna smiled a little before walking back into her daughter's room.

Clarke waited a moment before following Anna. Bellamy stepped in front of her to stop her.

“What are you doing?” Bellamy asked.

“My job?”

“I’m not talking about that Griffin,” Bellamy sneered, “I’m talking about giving that poor woman, who has been through enough, false hope. It’s one thing to give it to me, it’s a whole ‘nother story when it’s the patient's  _ mother _ .”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize you’d become an orthopedic surgeon since I last saw you,” Clarke said and Bellamy closed his mouth, “Now, everything I told her is true.”

“I know,” Bellamy sighed, “It’s just this kid has bad luck.”

“Well, this kid’s never had me,” Clarke said and walked into the room but not before she heard Bellamy mutter,

“Sounds a bit cocky but ok.”

Clarke looked at the 5-year-old that lay in the bed who was staring back at her with her big brown eyes and curly brown hair.

“Who are you?” Ella asked.

“I’m Doctor Griffin, but you can call me Clarke,” Clarke smiled.

“Are you a kid doctor too?” She asked.

“No, I’m a bone doctor.”

“Is there something wrong with my bones?” Ella played with the hem of the blanket.

“Yeah, but so far it’s just this one,” Clarke said as she pointed at the girls left shin.

“But,” Bellamy’s voice caught the girls attention, “You shouldn’t worry too much. Clarke is the best bone doctor I know.”

Clarke knew that he was probably only saying this to reassure the child and her mother, but that didn’t stop Clarke from feeling a little smug at his admittance.


	6. You told me, you'd never fall in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i mean i guess

Clarke was trying not to fall asleep at the table. That was made easier by the slam of not one but two lunch trays.

“I still don’t understand what you did to make my brother hate you so much,” Octavia said as she sat down next to Clarke.

“He just couldn’t handle the fact that I’m the best,” Clarke shrugged.

“Or maybe he’s in love with you,” Echo teased.

Clarke didn’t say anything as she glared at the nurse. Echo shrugged as Octavia snorted.

It wasn’t long after Clarke had moved when she met the two of them. Clarke had been paged to work on a patient who also had a heart aneurysm. That’s when she met Octavia who decided that she liked Clarke once Clarke told off the head of the cardio department in a not-so-diplomatic way. (Something Indra wasn’t happy about but Thelonious Jaha was being an idiot so Indra ended up on Clarke’s side.)

Clarke met Echo right before surgery when one of the dumb interns tried to tell her off for doing something that the intern was supposed to do.

“Please,” Octavia scoffed, “If my brother is in love with her, he’s either being stupid about it or doesn’t know it yet.”

“He’s not in love with me,” Clarke insisted.

“Oh? What makes you so sure?” Echo asked.

“I just know,” Clarke shrugged.

“Sure, whatever you say, Griffin,” Echo rolled her eyes.

“How much do you have riding on it?” Clarke asked and Echo grimaced.

“What are you talking about?” Octavia asked.

“Echo, you wanna tell her what I’m talking about?” Clarke smirked.

“There’s a pool, that Clarke and Bellamy aren’t supposed to know about but I guess they do,” Echo said and looked at Clarke, “Not much.”

Clarke knew she was lying but Octavia spoke before Clarke got the chance.

“I don’t think my brother would let this continue if he knew,” Octavia said thoughtfully.

“He doesn’t know, just me.”

“And you didn’t shut it down?” Echo chuckled, Clarke turned to her.

“I like watching people bet money on things that are never gonna happen. Besides -” Clarke took a bite of one of her carrots “- I wanna see how long y’all let this continue before you give up.”

Echo’s pager went off but before she left she leaned over the table so she was in Clarke’s face, “I’m a very patient person.”

* * *

Ella was looking at Clarke curiously. No, looking was the wrong word, starting. Ella was staring at Clarke despite Anna telling the young girl to stop.

“What’s up, Ella?” Clarke asked as she checked Ella’s vitals.

“Are you and Doctor Bell in love?” Ella asked.

_Jesus, what is it with the people at this hospital?_

“No,” Clarke chuckled softly, “Why do you ask?”

“Because I think he loves you, he looks at you the way mommy looks at Michael B. Jordan -”

“Eleanor,” Anna gasped.

“Or cake.”

“What kind of cake?” Clarke asked trying to change the subject.

“Mostly, chocolate, but sometimes vanilla,” Ella shrugged, “My mommy likes both.”

Clarke turned to Anna, “Michael B. Jordan?”

Anna shrugged helplessly.

“It’s a good choice,” Clarke said.

“What’s a good choice?” Bellamy walked into the room and asked.

Clarke and Anna looked at each other, ready to say nothing but Ella was faster.

“Michael B. Jordan,” Ella answered, “My mommy has a crush on him. Just like you have a crush on Doctor Clarke.”

Bellamy coughed.

“Ella, you cannot tell people who they have a crush on,” Anna scolded.

“Besides,” Clarke interjected, “Michael B. Jordan is so much better looking.”

Ella giggled when Clarke winked at her.

“C’mon kiddo,” Bellamy pulled in a wheelchair, “let’s get you down to MRI for some scans.”

About 15 minutes later, Clarke and Bellamy were sitting in front of the computer waiting for the scans to come up. Ella must’ve fallen asleep because she’d stopped asking questions that a 5-year-old didn’t really need to ask.

“‘So much better looking’?” Bellamy asked.

Clarke looked at him confused before it clicked in her brain.

“Yeah,” she answered without hesitation.

“I didn’t peg you for that kind of girl.” Bellamy turned back to the monitor.

“You’ve never pegged me,” Clarke blurted.

_Nice going, stupid._

She froze realizing what she just said, she turned away from Bellamy (who was bound to have a grin on his face) to hide her blush and shocked expression.

“Princess,” Bellamy whispered joyously, “I didn’t take you for that kind of woman.”

“Oh my god, shut up.”

“No, really. I’m shocked.”

“Blake, if you do not shut up right now I will end your life.”

He stopped talking but did nothing to wipe the arrogant smile off his face.

* * *

Harper had wanted to hang out with Clarke after work, they both had the day off tomorrow and Clarke had said yes because she wanted the scoop on her and Monty.

What Clarke hadn’t planned for was Harper to also invite Echo and Octavia. She didn’t mind that much especially at the begging of the night when they still had alcohol. The night took a turn when there was a knock at Clarke’s door.

Clarke looked around at the group of women.

“Did you guys invite some you didn’t tell me about?” Clarke asked and everyone shook their heads. “Great.”

She got up and opened the door partially.

“Your party sounds like a lot more fun than Bellamy’s,” Murphy said leaning against the door jamb.

“Thank you,” Clarke started to close the door and Murphy stopped it with his foot.

“I have booze,” he sang.

Clarke opened the door the rest of the way and Murphy walked in with two giant handles of vodka.

“Gross, what is Murphy doing here?” Echo groaned.

“He brought booze,” Clarke shrugged.

Clarke only felt slightly bad that this group had to squeeze into her rather small living room but no one other than her seemed to mind. So the night continued. They played games and drank. Murphy kept spreading gossip that he probably shouldn’t if the look on Echo’s face was anything to go by.

Clarke made a mental note to not tell Murphy any secrets on the off chance he would get drunk and tell them to the wrong person.

Around midnight Echo and Octavia shared a Lyft home leaving Murphy and Harper.

“So Harper,” Clarke half-whispered because Murphy was passed out on the floor next to the couch, “What’s the deal with you and Monty?”

“Is that why you said I could come over tonight?” Harper asked sleepily, “So you could stick your nose in my love life?”

“Lack thereof,” Clarke corrected, “if my sources are correct.

Harper looked at her with a sad expression.

“I’m in love with him and I’ve barely held a conversation with him,” she admitted.

“That’s not true, you two talk all the time.”

“I seem to only be able to form sentences when there’s another person around,” Harper said, “And I’m a little afraid that he thinks I like Bellamy.”

“Why would anyone like Blake?” Clarke scoffed.

“Because I know I can come off as a little flirty but that’s because I don’t actually know how to flirt, my version of flirting is to stare at the other person and hope they’re braver than I am.”

Clarke leaned her head against the back of the sofa and smiled at her friend.

“Well, you could always go the direct route. Swallow your pride and ask him out, if he says no, which I don’t think would happen, I’ll kick his ass for you.”

Harper laughed, “You wouldn’t kick his ass, you like him too much.”

“Maybe, but I like you more. And you’re right I might not kick his ass just for saying no. But if he hurt you I would kill him,” Clarke told her earnestly.

“You sure you don’t mind if I crash here?” Harper asked.

“Of course not. And if you don’t want to sleep on the couch I don’t mind sharing a bed,” Clarke winked.

“You’re not going to even offer to sleep on the couch?” Harper smiled.

“No, this couch sucks,” Clarke laughed and got off the couch and headed towards the door.

“Where are you going?”

“I’m gonna go get Blake to help move Murphy, he’s not spending the night on my floor.”

“Yeah. Doubt it,” Harper said and leaned back into the couch.

Clarke wouldn’t normally bother someone after midnight. But she knew Bellamy wasn’t asleep, so she knocked.

She could hear grumbling from the other side of the door that paused, probably when Bellamy looked through the peephole, that resumed as the door opened.

“Princess,” Bellamy smirked, “You here for that pegging we talked about earlier?”

Clarke’s jaw went slack.

“First of all,” she said when she found her voice again, “You wouldn’t be the one doing the pegging. Second of all, no. I’m here because there’s a Murphy on my floor and I can’t move him by myself.”

“What would I do with him?”

“Let him crash here,” Clarke said as if it was the most obvious thing in the world, “He was here in the first place.”

“Yeah, people who leave my party early are no longer my problem,” Bellamy said as he slowly closed the door.

“Fine, but if he wakes up complaining about pain from sleeping on the floor, that's on you.”

Clarke walked back into her apartment. Harper gave her a look and Clarke rolled her eyes.

“So what do we do with him?” Harper asked.

Clarke shrugged, “leave him?”

“Sounds good, let's go to bed,” Harper said as she got off the couch and stepped over Murphy.

* * *

“Why the fuck was I on the floor?”

Murphy’s voice woke Clarke up. She squinted her eyes and looked at Murphy and then to Harper who was stirring and had drool hanging out of her mouth.

“You fell asleep there,” Clarke groaned, “Why are you in my room?”

“Why didn’t you move me?”

“You’re too heavy Murphy,” Harper whispered.

“If you want someone to yell at,” Clarke yawned, “Go yell at Blake, I asked for his help to move you but he said no.”

“I made breakfast,” Murphy said.

“How? I have like, nothing in my kitchen, I’ve been living out of the cafeteria,” Clarke said.

“Yeah, I stole food from Bellamy, which by the way he’s here.”

Both Clarke and Harper shot up in bed.

“Why?” They asked in very different tones. Harper was excited while Clarke sounded disgusted.

“Because I stole food from him and he was hungry,” Murphy started walking out of the room, “I’m also an amazing cook.”

Clarke whined and fell back into bed while Harper swung her legs off the side of the bed and walked out into the common room.

“C’mon, princess, breakfast will get cold,” Bellamy poked his head into her room.

“Get out of my house!” Clarke yelled.

“Don’t make me come over there and make you get out of bed,” Bellamy threatened.

“Why are you still here?”

Next thing Clarke knew the blankets were being thrown off her and her wrists were grasped and she was pulled to an upright position. She came face to face with Bellamy.

“It’s my day off I wanna sleep,” she pouted sticking out her bottom lip.

“Murphy made breakfast you should at least eat some.”

“Ugh, ok mom,” Clarke sneered.

“Get up.”

Clarke leaned closer to Bellamy’s face, “No.”

“Ok,” he said before throwing her over his shoulder.

“What are you doing?!” Clarke yelled.

He didn’t answer as he carried her to the living room. He set her down and winked at her she turned around to find Murphy and Harper with similar expressions on their faces. They elbowed each other until Clarke gave Murphy a look and he turned back to the plate in his lap.

After that everyone was more focused on breakfast and Clarke really wanted to hate it but Murphy was right, he really knows what he’s doing in the kitchen.

Harper and Murphy left shortly after they were done eating, leaving Clarke to do the cleanup. Bellamy, despite Clarke’s constant complaining, was sitting on her couch.

“If you’re going to stick around the least you could do is help clean up,” Clarke said.

She fully expected him to leave, that was her goal. So it took her completely by surprise when he walked into the kitchen and actually helped Clarke clean.

“What are you doing?” Clarke asked.

Bellamy gave her a bewildered look, “I’m helping like you told me too.”

Clarke wanted to tell him to get out, but then she remembered that she wanted to take a nap, so she said nothing.

The two of them worked in silence for a while and it was nice, but then something happened.

Clarke turned to put the spatula away at the same time Bellamy, who was behind her, turned around. They came face to face almost running into each other and in order to not actually collide, Bellamy, braced them by putting his hands on her waist and pulled her to him.

Bellamy didn’t move his hands and when Clarke made no move to pull away his grip got the slightest bit tighter. Her eyes dropped to his lips just as he darted his tongue out to lick them. She resumed eye contact and gripped the spatula.

She was suddenly overcome with the urge to kiss him, not only that but pull him into her room and have her way with him, let him have his way with her nap be damned. And she was about to, but he cleared his throat and the spell was broken. Probably for the best anyway, she wasn’t about to let her friends profit from a momentary lapse in judgment.

Clarke backed away and Bellamy slowly dropped his hands to his side.

Neither of them said anything other than the occasional question from Bellamy asking where something went.

After he left Clarke wanted to pick up the phone and call Raven or Thalia but she knew what they would say. Not to mention she lost their friendship long ago.


	7. We don't have forever

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it would be really helpful if i remembered to use the outline i wrote for myself

Bellamy sat at the desk staring at the monitor for yet another scan for Ella. As much as he loved this child he was really ready for her to be out of the hospital.

“Doctor Bell?” Her small voice sounded through the speakers.

“Yeah, kiddo?” Bellamy asked through the microphone.

“I was talking to Doctor Clarke -” Bellamy rolled his eyes “- and she seems to think that you don’t like her.”

“I never said I didn’t like her,” Bellamy said flippantly.

“Did you tell  _ her _ that?” Ella asked.

“I think she knows, sport.” Bellamy shook his head.

“But have you  _ told _ her?” Ella asked again.

“No, I haven’t told her. See when you get to be an adult you don’t really have to tell people things they just kind of know.”

“Bullshit.”

“Ella,” Bellamy gasped trying to hold back his laughter.

“But it is!” She wiggles slightly. “People aren’t mind readers Bell, they need to be told things. My teachers say that you have to tell people how you feel or they won’t know. Are you saying my teachers are wrong?”

Bellamy didn’t really know how to respond to that not only because the kid had a point but because he couldn’t tell her that her teachers were wrong and have her creating all kind of problems at school when she went back.

“Doctor Bell?” Ella spoke after a moment of silence.

“Yeah?”

“Please don’t tell my mom I cursed,” she requested in the smallest sweetest voice.

Bellamy chuckled before pressing the ‘talk’ button on the base of the microphone again, “Sure thing, kiddo.”

Once they’d finished the scans Bellamy wheeled her back to her room in her wheelchair where her mom and Clarke were talking.

“Mommy! Doctor Bell said a bad word during the scans!” Ella yelled once the door had opened.

Bellamy opened his mouth to protest but the two women just gave him a look.

“I didn’t not!” He said.

“Yes he did, he said bullshit,” Ella giggled.

Anna rolled her eyes, “Alright, you and I both know that you said that and not Bellamy.”

Bellamy pushed Ella so she was right next to her bed and tried not to get distracted by Clarke laughing. He didn’t think that he’d seen her do that the entire time she had been here. Or at all for that matter. 

And it was a genuine actual laugh. It brought a smile to his face.

“See Doctor Clarke,” Ella said bringing his attention back to her and away from Clarke, “I told ya so.”

Ella looked to Clarke who stopped laughing and playfully glared at the little girl.

“Told you what?” He asked Clarke.

“Nothing,” the three ladies claimed at the same time.

He didn’t believe them for a second.

* * *

All Clarke wanted was sleep. After all, that was the purposes of all the on-call rooms scattered across the hospital. But it would seem that no one in this goddamn establishment understood that because it seemed like everyone was hell-bent on ruining Clarke’s very small nap window.

“Clarke?” Harper opened the door and slammed it shut again ruining Clarke’s progress on falling asleep.

“Wassup Harper?” Clarke groaned into the pillow.

“Okay, I have a problem,” she said.

Clarke opened one of her eyes to find Harper pacing the room.

“You remember the other night when you told me to grab life by the balls and go after what I want?” 

“I don’t think I said ‘grab life by the balls’ but go on,” Clarke said.

“Well I did a thing,” Harper said then took a deep breath, “I went up to Monty asked him out.”

Clarke sat up fully awake now.

“What did he say?” 

“I don’t know,” Harper looked at Clarke and bit her bottom lip.

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Although Clarke could guess what happened.

“I asked him and then he didn’t answer right away so I ran, and now I’m here.”

“That was stupid,” Clarke muttered.

Harper glared at Clarke, “Thank you for your wonderful insight.”

There was a soft knock at the door and who else should poke their head in than Monty Green.

“Oh good, I found you,” he smiled, “My answer is yes.”

“Cool,” Harper nodded and he closed the door as he pulled his head out of the room. “Never mind, have a good nap.”

“Thanks.” Clarke flopped back down onto the mattress. Harper turned off the light behind her and shut the door quietly.

_ Finally some fucking peace and quiet. _

But she spoke too soon because no less than a minute later Murphy walked into the room and turned the lights back on.

“What are you doing for Halloween? Do you work?”

“I don’t work that night but I think I’m busy,” Clarke said.

“Oh yeah with what?” Murphy scoffed.

Clarke lifted her head and looked at Murphy with a dead expression, “I’m going to kill you.”

“Jeez so moody, but no you’re coming to my Halloween party,” he smiled.

“Are we in college?” Clarke put her head back down.

“No, but we’re going to have fun, and you have to dress up.” Murphy slammed the door on his way out not bothering to turn the lights back off.

She tried to ignore the light and take the nap she so desperately wanted. But then her pager went off.

“Damn it!” She yelled to no one in particular and headed to the ER.

Now, Clarke had lost contact with pretty much everyone she was in undergrad with Bellamy being the exception. So when Clarke walked into the ER and found none other than Glass Sorenson standing next to Luke who was laying on one of the ER beds. Clarke got the urge to run away and before she could even turn around Glass made eye contact and waved.

Clarke waved back as she made her way over to the two of them.

“Clarke,” Glass beamed, “or should I say, Doctor Griffin.”

“Hi Glass, hi Luke,” Clarke greeted and grabbed Luke’s chart looking over the results of his initial exam. “So you broke your leg?”

“It would appear that way,” Luke smiled.

_ Does he ever not smile? _

Clarke looked at the x-ray. Clarke had just determined that Luke would only need a cast and not surgery when she glanced at Glass who looked even more excited than before.

“Bellamy!” Glass chirped. “Hi.”

“Glass, Luke,” he greeted.

Clarke could feel him standing behind her.

Glass swatted at Luke who was busy staring at them.

“So you two finally got your heads out of your asses,” Luke beamed.

“What?” Bellamy asked confused. 

Because while Clarke always found out about people betting on her love life, Bellamy was painfully oblivious to it so even though it happened many years ago he still didn’t know about their floor-mates betting on their love life.

“Don’t play stupid Bellamy, when do you finally ask her out? We need to know who won,” Glass said.

“I’m sorry -” Bellamy started.

“So Luke, it looks like you’re only going to need a cast, I can get you taken care of,” Clarke interrupted him, “I just need to go get the stuff.”

Clarke turned and pushed Bellamy away from them.

“What were they talking about?” Bellamy asked in a hushed voice.

“Oh well -” Clarke hesitated.

“Out with it, princess.”

“Freshman year our friends had a bet going on when we would finally get together,” Clarke said as if it was old news, which it technically was.

“What? How did you know about this?” Bellamy crossed his arms.

“Oh, please. You're doing the same thing with Harper and Monty now!”

“That’s different,” he insisted.

“Oh how?”

Bellamy paused and shook his head slightly, “It’s not me.”

“For fuck’s sake, I’ll talk to them,” Clarke groaned and grabbed the things she needed to give Luke a cast.

Clarke left Bellamy to ruminate on his newfound information as she made her way back to Luke and Glass. Clarke tried to make as little small talk as possible which wasn’t hard when Glass and Luke were so caught up in each other.

“I’m sorry,” Glass said breaking Clarke’s focus.

Clarke looked up at her, “For what?”

“For bringing up the bet, I really thought you two would’ve gotten together by now,” Glass said, “Well at least Thalia lost.”

“What was her bet?” Clarke tried to be nonchalant about her question.

Glass smirked, “She bet that the two of you would be together by the end of undergrad, bonus points if you were engaged by the time you went to med school.”

_ Ha! Bitch. _

Clarke smiled to herself with the knowledge that Thalia had lost.

“Did anyone bet that we wouldn’t?” Clarke asked.

“Wells did,” Luke chuckled, “I guess we owe him some money.”

“Not until they marry other people,” Glass said quickly.

Clarke looked at her and Glass looked back at her with wide eyes.

“Is this still going on?” Clarke asked.

Luke gave Glass a warning glance.

“Not officially,” Glass shrugged.

“You’re a terrible liar,” Clarke said, “Do you still talk to Thalia?”

“Sometimes,” Glass said as Clarke finished up the cast.

“As great as it was to see both of you, and it was -”

“We will call off the bet,” Luke smiled.

“Thank you,” Clarke said but she didn’t quite believe that Glass would let that happen.

Clarke finished up his cast and sent them on their way. She spent the rest of the day avoiding Bellamy.


	8. I'm crashing into you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> alternative chapter title: 'Bow down to the will of a dead girl walking'
> 
> y'all life after school is weird, i say that as if i haven't been out of school for a year now.  
> there is a little bit of smut in this chapter, and I'll apologize for it now but here we go.

Clarke had never really understood Halloween, she got it when she was younger dress up get candy from strangers. Ya know, the thing that your parents told you not to do, take candy from strangers. 

It was after she was in high school that she stopped understanding the purpose of waiting for one night a year to get dressed up and get drunk. Just have a costume party, you shouldn’t have to wait until the end of October to do that.

But Murphy said that she needed to dress up which is how she found herself at a goodwill just outside Beaverton. Clarke was browsing the aisles trying to find something anything she just needed something to spark her inspiration.

She’d already spent most of her lunch break there and after coming up empty handed she went back to the hospital.

After treating patient after patient, because apparently everyone and their mother were breaking their bones today, Clarke went up to check on Ella.

Ella was in the chemo room with Anna talking about Halloween plans.

“But momma!” Ella whined.

“I’m not saying no, I’m saying we will have to wait and see how you feel on the day,” Anna said.

Ella huffed and crossed her arms. Her tantrum didn’t last long once she saw Clarke. Ella’s face lit up and she sat a little straighter as Clarke walked over and sat next to her.

“What are you going to be for Halloween?” Ella asked.

“What makes you think I’m dressing up?” Clarke asked.

Ella shrugged, “Nurse Murphy said you had to.”

“Well, I am but I have no idea what do be,” Clarke told her.

“Oh my god,” Anna spoke, “You should be Heather Chandler.”

Clarke looked at the woman thoughtfully.

“I like it, simple but people will think that I actually put effort into it,” she said and Anna gave her a wink.

The next day she went out shopping with an actual plan.

* * *

Clarke was very proud of her costume, maybe a little bit more so than she should be.

It was 10 pm and Murphy’s party was quote ‘only getting started’ or so said the man himself. Clarke was kind of hoping that this was going to be a classier party not basically a college party hosted by people with actual money for booze. Which was the part that really scared Clarke because that meant that people would bring the good stuff and it didn’t take much of the good stuff to get her  _ going _ .

She walked into Murphy’s house only to be greeted by the smell of booze and weed. She’d almost forgotten that weed was legal here. 

An hour later Clarke was standing against the wall talking Harper who was trying to figure out where to go for her date with Monty. Clarke was trying to pay attention, to care but she wasn’t here to hear about her friend's happiness.

Harper looked at Clarke in a spacey manner then turned around picked up a bottle of tequila and threw it back. After a few seconds Harper was still chugging it.

“Jesus Christ woman,” Clarke said as she took the bottle from Harper, “What is your problem?”

“I think better drunk,” Harper shrugged and walked away.

“I work with a bunch of psychos,” Clarke muttered and walked over to the table and got herself a drink. 

She opted for a shot of fireball. Bellamy came into view on her second shot, and even though she and Bellamy were getting along for the most part, but the sight of him in a suit (which Clarke knew was his costume but that didn’t matter much) annoyed her. So much, she didn’t even try to hide her groan.

_ But damn if he doesn’t look hot. _

Clarke didn’t know why she was annoyed by him, maybe it was his costume, or maybe it was the  [ song ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HLCasyAh7ic) that was playing. And the sound of Michelle Branch just took her back to undergrad.

Bellamy smirked and sauntered over to her. Clarke gave him a once over before she caught sight of his smirk. She made eye contact with him and scowled at him.

“Oh princess,” he sighed, “you look fresh out of 1989.”

_ How did we even get to this party without seeing each other? I live right next to you. _

“What are you supposed to be?” She asked half-heartedly.

“Robert Plant.” Bellamy grinned and lifted up an FBI badge prop. Clarke shook her head in confusion. “Never mind.”

“Is this another song that you listen to in the car?” Clarke teased sipping a mixed drink she didn’t remember making.

“I seem to remember -” he started but turned around knocked the drink out of Clarke’s hand and down the front of her white shirt.

“Damn it, Blake,” Clarke chastised.

She pushed past him and found the bathroom, she took the cleanest looking hand towel and tried to blot-dry the spot.

“Clarke?” Bellamy knocked and didn’t wait for an answer before opening the door and walking in.

“I could’ve been naked,” Clarke muttered.

“Let me help.” Bellamy ignored her comment.

He reached for the towel but Clarke swatted his hand away. Bellamy rolled his eyes at her.

“This isn’t working,” Clarke said and took off her bright red blazer.

“What are you doing?” Bellamy asked as Clarke took off her shirt. “Clarke.”

“What, Blake?”

Clarke turned to him only wearing her bra and the plaid skirt. She watched as his eyes drifted down for a moment and then bounced back up to her eyes.

“Do you see something you like?” Clarke teased.

Bellamy leaned in close as if he was going to kiss her.

“Don’t be a tease, princess,” Bellamy whispered.

“You don’t like being teased?” Clarke asked and her lips brushed up against his as she spoke.

Bellamy put his hands on her bare waist and pulled her in and kissed her. Clarke grabbed ahold of his tie and pulled him closer and backed up until her back was against the glass door of the shower. Bellamy removed his right hand from her waist and cupped her over her panties.

“Bellamy,” she moaned pressing into his hand desperate for more.

“What princess?” He whispered and moved his lips to leave kisses on her collarbone he used the hand that wasn’t currently on her crotch to explore her body. The feeling of his breath on her ear sent a shiver down her spine. “What do you want?”

“You,” her voice was barely audible.

“I didn’t lock the door.” He pushed aside her panties and teased her entrance with his fingers. “So you have to be quiet.”

She was about to say something snarky about him needing to hurry up when he stopped teasing and rubbed small circles on her clit. Her breath hitched and she became faintly aware of how easy it was for him to undo her but she couldn’t bring herself to care. 

“Please Bellamy,” she dug her fingers into his shoulders, “I want your cock inside me.”

“Eager, princess.”

Bellamy removed his hand from her body for a moment to unzip his pants, Clarke’s eyes widened slightly at the sight of his cock and wondered what he tasted like. The thought only lasted for a moment because Bellamy lifted her right leg and didn’t waste any time and slowly inserted himself in her.

“Oh god,” Clarke gasped.

After a moment Bellamy started relentlessly thrusting into her while also working on her clit. She was a moaning mess and probably being louder than she should because Bellamy’s lips found hers again.

It wasn’t long until they both came undone. Bellamy rested his forehead against Clarke’s for a moment as they caught their breath. 

Bellamy pulled out of her and redid his pants while Clarke cleaned herself up and readjusted her skirt then put her top and blazer back on.

“I’m sorry about your shirt,” Bellamy chuckled.

“I hate you,” Clarke whispered.

* * *

Clarke and Bellamy walked out of the bathroom and to their surprise absolutely no one was paying attention to them. Mostly because they were all crossfaded to high heaven, pun intended, but still no one seemed to notice how long they’d been in the bathroom together.

They gave each other one last look before going their separate ways and avoiding each other for the rest of the night.


	9. I knew I'd wait for you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so that episode last night crazy

**November**

It was now 2 am and Clarke felt like the soberest person at the party, with the exception of maybe Bellamy but she hadn’t seen him since the ‘bathroom incident’ which is what she had dubbed it.

Currently, she was sitting on the couch while everyone was calming down and realizing just how tired they all were. Some were ordering rides while some were using pillows and blankets to claim their chosen sleep space.

Clarke checked her phone and there was the annual text from Wells.

Wells:  **Merry Christmas!!**

Clarke laughed at her friend before responding.

Clarke:  **Dude it’s barely November.**

Wells:  **Don’t shit on tradition Griffin.**

“Are you texting your boyfriend?” Murphy asked sitting next to her. “Because he’s right there, you could just talk to him.”

Clarke turned to him. “I’m sorry, but you lost the bet, my dude.”

“Damn it,” Murphy groaned. “I need you to hurry up and date him or just don’t do it by November 15th.”

“Who has November 15th?” Clarke smiled.

“Fox.”

“Well, we don’t want the intern to win now do we?”

“No,” Murphy agreed, resting his head on her shoulder, “We don’t want that.”

“You’ve barely known me a month and you’re already betting on my love life,” Clarke chuckled, “At least the people freshman year waited until they’d known me for a term.”

But Murphy didn’t respond he was already asleep slightly snoring. Clarke was about to move him when Monty sat next to her.

“Hey there Green,” Clarke smiled.

“Do you think Harper likes me?” Monty sighed.

Clarke reached behind her and fixed her ponytail and Murphy moved his head from her shoulder to her lap. Clarke rolled her eyes but let him be and turned her attention back to Monty.

“What?” Clarke asked.

“Do you think Harper likes me?” Monty repeated. “Like,  _ likes  _ me, likes me?”

_ God, this kid is so incredibly drunk right now. _

“That’s a lot of ‘likes’ Monty,” Clarke teased and Monty gave her a look, “Oh please, she asked you out on a date.”

“Yeah but -”

“And you’re drunk, so what don’t you come talk to me at work when you’re sober,” Clarke told him.

“You’re really smart, and I don’t think that you got where you are today because your mom’s a famous doctor,” Monty said mirroring Murphy’s previous potion of lying his head on her shoulder.

“Thanks, Monty,” Clarke pat his cheek.

“Bellamy was wrong about you.”

“What did Blake say?” Clarke asked.

“That you were a stuck up bitch.”

Clarke laughed, “That sounds like him.”

But Monty didn’t respond because he was also sleeping on her. Clarke thought about getting up but she didn’t want to wake them.

So she stayed there and woke later that morning with Murphy and Monty still cuddled up next to her. 

Because she wasn’t as drunk as everyone else she woke up before everyone else and started cleaning up. When she was done she quietly left leaving the sleeping ‘children’ where they were.

As it was her day to just be on call she went back home and slept hoping that she wouldn’t get a page.

Luckily her pager didn’t go off, but she did wake up hours later in a cold sweat.

“Oh fuck.”

* * *

Clarke knew what she looked like, she understood that her standing in the corner store with her hood up and sunglasses on looked sketchy. But as she looked at the limited amount of drugs at this store.

She finally located the plan b and purchased it, the attendant barely even looked at her. 

Luck seemed to be on her side because when she got home she didn’t see any sign of Bellamy. She wasn’t sure what she would’ve done or said if she had seen him.

* * *

Clarke was in a lab trying to focus on the research project that she was trying to get funded, well trying to find the inspiration for a project to get funded. She’d set the whole day aside for this and even made sure that the other ortho attendings were paged before she was. Clarke was only to be bothered if it was an emergency or specifically her patient.

The cursor on the monitor of her laptop was mocking her as it blinked at her.

She really needed to think of something to send into the committee but the only thing her mind could think of was Bellamy and how if he could make her feel that good when he rushed -

_ I wonder what he’s like when he takes his time. _

Clarke shook those thoughts from her mind as someone opened the door.

“Hey, princess,” he said and shut the door behind him.

_ He must be able to hear my thoughts because there’s no fucking way. _

He looked tense, he was wringing his hands and pacing around the lab.

“About the other night -”

“I’m clean,” Clarke blurted hoping that this was about and not that he regretted it, “If that’s what you’re worried about.”

He sighed in relief and his shoulders dropped, “Good. Me too. I mean we should probably get tested any but you knew that you’re also a doctor. You’re not stupid but -”

“Blake,” Clarke said cutting him off. He looked at her with wide eyes. “We’re good.”

“Good,” he said and sat down on the opposite side of the table from her and leaned back putting his feet on the table.

Clarke stared at him for a moment expecting him to leave but he didn’t. 

“Did you need something?”

“Can you believe that our friends from college had a bet going on for when we would have sex with each other?” Bellamy chuckled ignoring Clarke’s question.

“They probably still do,” Clarke commented.

Bellamy shot up straight in his chair and leaned over the table. “What? I thought you said you’d talk to them?”

“I did, but do you really think that Glass is the kind of person to just give up on something when there’s money involved?”

Bellamy looked at her and after a moment’s thought, he sat back in his chair again.

“Besides, it wasn’t just us having sex.”

“What do you mean?”

Clarke smirked at him, “It was when we would get together.  _ If _ Glass hasn’t called it off, the bet ends when we either get married to each other or different people.”

“Who bet that we wouldn’t?”

“Wells.”

Bellamy smiled, “I knew there was a reason I liked him.”

“You hated him,” Clark reminded him.

“I hated him freshman year because he had a stick up his ass.”

Clarke laughed at that. 

“So did you.”

“No, I didn’t.”

“Bellamy, it was freshman year, we all had sticks up our asses.”

There was a lull in the conversation. Bellamy found a stress ball that he started playing with while Clarke glared at the computer screen once again.

“Do you still talk to any of them?” Bellamy suddenly asked.

“The people from undergrad? Other than Wells? No.” Clarke closed the laptop realizing that she wasn’t going to get any work done.

“Didn’t you and Thalia do your residency together?” 

It should’ve been an innocent question, and it was if you didn’t know and Bellamy didn’t know. And why would he? It’s not like Clarke talked about it, ever.

“Yeah, at Ton-DC in New York.” Clarke was hoping her answer would be enough for him to catch on that she didn’t want to talk about, but no such luck.

“Ton-DC? Did you know a Raven Reyes?”

Clarke clenched her fist and swiftly hid it under the table, but not before Bellamy noticed.

_ Well wouldn’t ya know it, I do know Reyes. _

“Yeah, I know her,” Clarke said as calmly as she could manage.

“What happened between you and Thalia? The two of you were partners in crime, I’m surprised that no one had a bet on the two of you.”

“She stopped talking to me.” It wasn’t technically a lie but it wasn’t the full truth and Clarke could see that Bellamy knew that, but he finally got the hint and dropped it.


	10. Autumn leaves fall like peaces into place

Fox was presenting a patient while Bellamy stared her down. The poor girl kept messing up because who wouldn’t while Bellamy was glaring at you like that. Clarke rolled her eyes at him. When Fox finally finished she looked at Clarke.

“Thank you, Fox,” Clarke said and elbowed Bellamy in the side. “Miles, what’s the recommended course of treatment?”

“It’s a clean break,” Miles told the kid, Tyler, “so you will only need a cast.”

Clarke liked Miles, he was good with patients and wasn’t afraid to ask for help when he needed it. 

“Thank you, Miles,” Clarke smiled and the gaggle of interns left the room.

“Tyler, did you have any questions?” Bellamy asked the 6-year-old.

Tyler squinted at the pair of doctors.

“Ella says that you two are married. But if you’re married, why don’t you wear rings?” Tyler asked.

_ Oh, Ella. _

“That kid is making it harder and harder to like her,” Bellamy muttered so only Clarke could hear.

“We’re not married, Ella was joking,” Clarke told the kid, “Out of curiosity, how many kids has she told?”

“Everyone,” Tyler shrugged, “We talked about it at the kid floor meeting.”

“The what?” Bellamy asked.

Tyler looked at Bellamy sheepishly and whispered, “I’m not supposed to tell you.”

“So don’t tell him,” Clarke sat on the edge of his bed, “Tell me.”

“Nurse Murphy gets the long term kids or the ones who are here a lot together in a room and we play, if we are feeling good enough. He said he was upset that you two didn’t tell him you were married.”

“I’m gonna kill him,” Bellamy mumbled and Tyler looked at Clarke with fear in his eyes.

“He’s kidding,” Clarke said and shot a glare over her shoulder at him Bellamy, “Doctor Bellamy isn’t going to hurt anyone.”

“Is that like when my brother says that he’s gonna kill me when I steal his toys?” Tyler asked a little less afraid.

“Yes,” Clarke nodded.

Miles came back into the room ready to get Tyler set up with his cast and Bellamy and Clarke left the room.

“I should kill him,” Bellamy said in her ear.

“People will know it was you, ask Echo to kill him for you.”

“Echo doesn’t like me,” Bellamy said.

“Well, maybe, if you were nicer to her she’d be willing to kill someone for you,” Clarke shrugged and walked away.

* * *

“What do you mean you’re not coming home for Thanksgiving?” Her mother’s voice blasted through the phone speaker. Abby was yelling, Clarke knew why she was yelling. She was yelling because she was pissed. Abby being pissed probably had something to do with the fact that Clarke had waited until the Monday of Thanksgiving Week to tell her mother that she wouldn’t be home for this holiday.

To be fair to Clarke, she had assumed that her mother wouldn’t have a problem with it, seeing as how their both doctors.

Clarke was clearly wrong.

“I think you got the gist of it,” Clarke said.

“So first you move away from me and now you’re telling me I won’t even get to see you until Christmas?” Abby asked.

“Mom, you’re acting like Christmas is so far away.”

“Well, I haven’t seen you since August -”

“September,” Clarke corrected.

“It’s just so much more time than I thought. I honestly thought you’d move back by now.”

“Nope,” Clarke said absent-mindedly, “Still here. In the sunniest place on earth.”

“But you promise you’ll be home for Christmas and New Years.”

“I promise Christmas Eve and day no more no less,” Clarke said and her mother sighed.

“Fine,” Abby finally agreed. “I love you.”

“Love you too,” Clarke said and hung up the phone.

* * *

Clarke kind of liked this whole spending Thanksgiving alone. There was no pressure to talk to family, not that she had a lot of that anyway. She was perfectly fine spending this holiday alone, with her take out and some sappy rom-com. 

Well, that had been her plan until there was a knock at her door.

She got off the couch and opened the doors expecting to see Harper or Murphy, hell, maybe even Echo. 

“Wells,” she gasped.

“Wow, I was expecting a warmer welcome, but I guess a surprised gasp will do,” Wells said as he gave her a hug which she returned and then he pushed past her.

“What are you doing here?” Clarke asked as she closed the door.

“You call me your best friend but you don’t call or text, I have no idea what’s going on in your life anymore.” Wells plopped down on the couch. “So, tell me what’s new?”

“I had sex with Bellamy,” Clarke blurted then slapped her hand over her mouth staring at Wells with wide eyes.

Wells gasped and got off the couch taking slow steps towards her.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He asked.

“It just- I- I don’t know what happened.”

“Like actual sex?”

“Well, it was in the bathroom at a party but yeah, sex.”

“Oh. My. God.” Wells smirked.

“What?”

“You had dirty college sex.”

“Excuse me?” Clarke scoffed.

“You went to a party, I’m guessing a Halloween party?” Clarke said nothing in response. “Who were you dressed up as?”

“Heather Chandler.”

“From Heathers?” Clarke nodded. “So you seduced him with shoulder pads and a plaid mini-skirt.”

“I didn’t seduce -”

“Cut the bullshit Clarke, you’ve basically been seducing him since college -”

“I haven’t seen him since undergrad,” Clarke told him.

“Doesn’t matter the minute he saw you again, all those feelings came rushing back.”

“You mean hate?” Clarke snorted.

“Hate is not the opposite of love.” Wells winked at her.

“God, you’re gross.”

“And you had dirty college party sex with Bellamy Blake,” Wells’ smirk disappeared for a moment, “you’re not in love with him right?”

“So Glass didn’t call you.”

“Oh, she did. But I was like they went through 4 years and couldn’t go 5 seconds without fighting. And we decided that the bet would go on. But if you’re going to blow it for me because of one lousy time -”

“I never sound lousy,” Clarke muttered.

“I have $2,000 riding on this, don’t blow this for me, Griffin,” Wells said sternly.

“2,000? 2,000!? Are you insane?” Clarke yelled.

“It didn’t start out that way. It started as the winner doesn’t have to pay for drinks or dinner the next three times we went out but that was when we thought this would be over before undergrad was.”

“I’m going to ask you a question and I don’t want you to take it the wrong way,” Clarke said and Wells was silent so Clarke continued, “Why did you bet the way you did? Everyone else seems so sure.”

“I’ll answer if you answer my question.” Clarke nodded and he continued. “You are the most stubborn person I know. So I had no problem betting that you would be too stubborn to keep hating Bellamy for the rest of your life.”

“Well, just because I had sex with him doesn’t mean I don’t hate him.”

“What happened between you and Thalia?” Wells asked suddenly. “I was talking to her the other day wondering if she wanted to come with me to surprise you only for her to tell me that the two of you haven’t spoken in years. So what happened?”

“I don’t know,” Clarke lied.

“Clarke -” Wells was cut off by another knock at the door.

“Jesus, what now?” Clarke walked over to the door and opened it to find Octavia standing there smiling and her smile fell a little when she looked over Clarke’s shoulder.

“Bell and I were wondering if you wanted to come over for dinner tomorrow since you weren’t going home but if you have a guest -” Octavia said. 

“Oh we’ll be there,” Wells said excitedly.

“You weren’t even invited,” Clarke yelled over her shoulder.

“But I want to meet your friends!” Wells whined.

“Oh no, he can come too,” Octavia smiled.

“Thank you for the invitation but -”

“You’re not getting out of this, Griffin,” Wells said.

“Great,” Octavia said, “We will see you tomorrow, and dress to impress.”

Clarke turned to Wells after closing the door. He had a grin on his face and Clarke rolled her eyes and walked into her room.

“Good night!” Wells called through the closed door.

“Fuck you!”


	11. Only fools rush in

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's a day early but there's no episode tonight so idgaf

Bellamy glared at his little sister who was beaming at him.

“I said yes to Clarke, not her boyfriend,” Bellamy grumbled.

“Well, I already invited him,” Octavia said, “Besides he’s got nothing on you.”

Octavia kissed his cheek and Bellamy rolled his eyes. Someone knocked on Bellamy’s front door and Octavia left him in the kitchen to continue his meal prep.

“Ok, I’m here,” Murphy said and walked into the kitchen and put on an apron.

Murphy started pulling the veggies out of the fridge and got to work on the turkey. Bellamy was working on his creamy garlic mashed potatoes.

“Why do we have to dress up?” Murphy asked and Bellamy chuckled. It was the same thing every year. Murphy would come over and help with the meal prep and then start a fight with Octavia, typically it was about the dress code for the holiday. Bellamy tended to agree with Murphy but he’d never admit that to Octavia.

“Because,” Octavia started already sounding over it, “we are in scrubs most of the time and I like having a reason to dress up. Besides you make us dress up for Halloween every year even though you dress up as the same thing every year.”

“First of all,” Murphy stopped chopping the vegetables and pointed the knife at her, “My Gordon Ramsey costume is hilarious.”

“It’s tired and you don’t look like him!” Octavia yelled.

“Second of all, dressing up fancy for Thanksgiving makes no sense! We’re all just going to stuff ourselves to the brim and then be upset that we aren’t in sweats!” Murphy yelled back.

They continued this back and forth for a while. During their spat, Bellamy was able to finish the potatoes, cranberry sauce, stuffing, and the sweet potatoes. Their bickering had progressed to fighting about something going on at the hospital that Bellamy wasn’t paying attention to the regression back to the dressing up situation.

Bellamy was cleaning up his kitchen best he could when they finally came to an agreement.

“Fine, you dress up as something different next year for Halloween, and for Thanksgiving, we will all dress in sweats,” Octavia offered.

“Deal.” Murphy stuck out his hand and Octavia took it and they shook on it.

Bellamy had heard this deal before. Last year to be exact, and the year before. They always seemed to make this agreement and then forget about it by the time Halloween came around. Bellamy momentarily wondered what would happen if he reminded Murphy next October, but he wouldn’t, Octavia might kill him if he did.

The hours passed and people started trickling into Bellamy’s apartment. First, it was Echo then Miller with Monty and Harper not far behind. Bellamy had changed out of his apron and put on his sports coat.

He shouldn’t be worrying about Clarke not showing up. He didn’t care, she was with her boyfriend anyway. He shouldn’t have gotten so excited at the prospect of Clarke showing up to have dinner with them, but when Octavia said that Clarke was coming, Bellamy felt his heart skip a beat and then fall when she said Clarke would be bringing her boyfriend. 

Bellamy wondered how long they’d been dating if it had happened before or after Halloween. Not that it mattered, he didn’t like her like that. In fact, he wasn’t sure if he even liked her in a friend way.

_ That’s a lie and you know it. _

Bellamy rolled his eyes at the thought and ignored it. 

Everyone was sitting around the table talking while they waited for the turkey to finish. Well, everyone except Bellamy who was thinking about Clarke.

“So, did any of you know that Clarke had a boyfriend?” Octavia asked.

Murphy choked on his drink, Miller looked confused, and Harper and Monty exchanged looks.

“Are you sure?” Echo asked taking a sip of her wine.

“Yeah, he was standing in her apartment yesterday when I invited her and said ‘I want to meet your friends’,” Octavia said.

“But he never actually said the words, ‘I’m Clarke’s boyfriend’?” Murphy asked.

“No,” Octavia answered quietly and Bellamy put his head in his hands.

“Maybe they’re engaged,” Harper joked but Bellamy didn’t find it that funny.

“Harper,” Monty warned softly.

“I’m sure that they just started dating plenty of time for you to steal her away,” Murphy said.

“I’m not going to ‘steal her away’,” Bellamy grumbled and there was a knock at the door, “Late much.”

“That’s my fault I forgot to tell her what time,” Octavia called as she walked to the door. “Hey guys, come on in.”

Clarke walked in dressed in a dark blue dress that was sleeveless and it had a plunging neckline the hem of the dress laid just above her knee. Bellamy was so focused on Clarke he didn’t even see who she’d come in with until they cleared their throat.

“Wells,” Bellamy greeted him with a smile. Octavia gave Bellamy an odd look. But Bellamy couldn’t help it, he knew that Wells and Clarke weren’t dating and if this was the mystery man from Clarke apartment then there’s nothing to worry about.

_ Why would there be anything to worry about if you don’t have feelings for her in the first place? _

“Bellamy,” Wells returned the smile.

“You two know each other?” Octavia asked.

“Oh yeah,” Wells said, “He hated me in college.”

“I mean, yes, but you also hated me so I’d call us even,” Bellamy said.

“I guess so,” Wells said just as Murphy brought the turkey over to the table.

“Food’s ready,” Murphy told everyone and he began to carve the turkey.

Dinner was full of conversation and laughter. Mostly it was his new friends asking Wells and Clarke about their time together in undergrad. Murphy and Echo both seemed disappointed that they weren’t getting any real gossip, Octavia kept shaking her head at the stories that she’d heard different versions of, and the others were eating up the words coming out of Clarke and Wells’ mouth.

“Remember when Thalia was convinced that Bellamy was your boyfriend and then started hitting on him in an attempt to make you jealous?” Wells laughed.

Bellamy looked over at Clarke who (conveniently) had a mouth full of mashed potatoes and was fiddling with her fork. Bellamy could see Clarke contemplating murder. Luckily her phone interrupted her plans.

“Oh shit,” Clarke said and rushed out the door leaving Wells behind.

“Is everything ok?” Harper asked looking at the front door.

“Yeah,” Wells said picking up the last bite of his roll and plopping it in his mouth, “She’s just an idiot.”

“I am not an idiot, I’m a goddamn genius,” Clarke announced as she walked back in. She was holding two pie plates.

“You didn’t have to -” Bellamy started.

“Save it, Blake,” Clarke said and placed the pies on the table.

“Since when do you bake?” Bellamy scoffed.

Clarke looked at him and gave him a wink. Bellamy smiled and watched as Clarke cut the pie and served a slice to everyone.

To Bellamy’s surprise, and clearly everyone else at the table, the pies were amazing. Everyone was too enthralled with their slice of pie to say anything until Clarke said broke the silence.

“So Wells,” Clarke turned to her friend with a smug look on her face, “Why aren’t you doing Thanksgiving with your parents?”

Wells shot Clarke a look who pumped her eyebrows daring him to answer.

“I just find it odd that your dad is so close and you chose to visit me instead,” Clarke shrugged.

Wells mouthed ‘fuck you’ and went back to his pie.

“Who’s your dad?” Octavia asked mouth full of food.

“Don’t worry about -” Wells started.

“Jaha,” Clarke said and took a sip of her wine.

“Jaha’s your dad?” Harper gaped.

Bellamy couldn’t say he was surprised, because of course, Wells was Jaha’s kid and that Bellamy was one of the only people that didn’t have a famous doctor parent. At least Wells never went into the medical field.

The night started winding down and before long everyone had left except Clarke. She had sent Wells off to visit his father so she didn’t run into any trouble at work for harboring his son without Jaha knowing until it was too late.

Bellamy was about to ask Clarke why she was still around when he found her cleaning up.

“Clarke you don’t have to -”

“Blake, don’t fight it and just let me help,” Clarke told him.

So he did, the two of them worked in silence for the longest time. Bellamy cleaned up the leftovers and put them away while Clarke started washing the dishes. Once all the food was taken care of Bellamy stood next to Clarke and dried.

Bellamy wanted to talk to her about something but he couldn’t think of anything. Which wasn’t technically true, all he could think about was the sounds she’d started to make on Halloween and how he wanted to make her make them again. But that wasn’t really something you could talk about after Thanksgiving dinner, especially when they’ve only just begun getting along.

Unable to take the silence (and his own thoughts) he turned on his cleaning playlist. He grinned at the  [ song ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wsi43H9FTtE) that started playing. Clarke stopped washing and stared at him.

“Tiffany? Really?” She asked clearly trying to hold back her laughter.

Bellamy ignored her and started lip-syncing.

“Why Tiffany?” Clarke tried again but Bellamy continued to ignore her.

He suddenly turned his body towards her and started ‘singing’ along with the music.

“You put your arms around me and we tumble to the ground-”

“I’m not helping you anymore,” Clarke turned off the water.

“I think we’re alone now,” he sang as he started walking toward her, “there doesn’t seem to be anyone around.”

“You’re so weird,” she said.

Clarke grabbed her pie pans and purse and walked to the door but paused to look at Bellamy one more time who then reached out dramatically towards her. Clarke scoffed and walked out the door.

Bellamy smiled to himself at Clarke’s reaction to his show. She obviously didn’t remember why Tiffany, why this song, but he was ok with that.

> Bellamy was sitting on the couch at the house of some junior, maybe? He couldn’t really remember. All he knew was that the party was in full swing and Thalia and Clarke were the last people from their dorm still at the party. 
> 
> Wells left early because he has work in the morning and Bellamy offered to stay behind to watch out for the two girls, who were currently dancing their hearts out to whatever pop song was currently playing. It sounded like it was from the ’80s.
> 
> Clarke caught sight of Bellamy sitting on the couch and did a dance over to him with Thalia hot on her heels. They sat on either side of him and the smell of liquor overwhelmed him.
> 
> “Why are you brooding?” Clarke asked. 
> 
> “It’s a party you’re supposed to have fun,” Thalia pointed out.
> 
> “Lia, he doesn’t know how to have fun, I’m not sure he even knows what that word means,” Clarke said and booped his nose.
> 
> “How drunk are you, princess?” Bellamy smirked at her.
> 
> “I’m not drunk I’m having fun.”
> 
> “You are too,” Thalia scoffed.
> 
> Clarke glared at Thalia. When Bellamy laughed she turned her attention to him.
> 
> “So why aren’t you dancing or anything?” Clarke leaned against the back of the couch.
> 
> “For one, I’m not as drunk as you. Second, I don’t know this song,” he said.
> 
> Thalia looked at him shocked and Clarke had a similar expression.
> 
> “You don’t -” Clarke said while Thalia stuttered,
> 
> “How do you, what do you-you mean.”
> 
> “You don’t know Tiffany? What do you do when you have dance parties?” Clarke looked sincerely concerned.
> 
> “Princess, I don’t have dance parties,” Bellamy sipped his beer.
> 
> “I need another drink,” Thalia got up and walked away.
> 
> Clarke propped her head up on her hand, her arm resting on the back of the sofa.
> 
> “You and your sad boy music,” Clarke groaned and rolled her eyes, “Ya know, you’d probably have more fun if you took the stick out of your ass and listened to music that was actually good.”
> 
> “And this,” he gestured vaguely to the speakers, “is what you call good music?”
> 
> “Just because it’s popular doesn’t mean it’s bad. People get off and hating pop music because it’s popular, that doesn’t make you cool or interesting. It makes you boring,” Clarke said.
> 
> Thalia came back just as Bellamy was going to respond but Clarke got up and joined her friend on the makeshift dance floor.
> 
> Bellamy waited as they danced until they were ready to go.

Bellamy finished putting the dishes away and headed to bed.


	12. She'll tear a hole in you, the one you can't repair

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's short and not a lot happens but its here so

**December**

Clarke stood at the nurses’ station looking over a chart when she felt something tap her. Clarke looked down to see Ella smiling up at her.

“Doctor princess,” Ella motioned for Clarke to lean down. She did and Ella whispered into her ear. “I don’t have any more monster cells.”

Clarke pulled away and grinned at the girl. “No more cancer?”

Ella shook her head, “I killed all the monsters.”

“I’m very proud of you,” Clarke held up an open palm and Ella smacked it.

Anna, who was standing behind Ella, handed Clarke a file.

“I know the oncologist already looked over it but I wanted you to look it over too because you’re the one who found it in the first place,” Anna sounded apprehensive about the situation.

Clarke took out the scans and held them up to the light and studied them before glancing Anna’s way with a smile.

“I don’t see anything.” Clarke handed the scans back and Anna let out a sigh of relief. 

“Does this mean I can go back to school?” Ella looked up at her mother.

“Yes it does, sweetpea,” Anna smiled down at her.

Clarke then looked back at Ella confused. “Doctor Princess?” she asked remembering the girls earlier comment.

Ella slapped her hands over her mouth eyes wide. 

“Bellamy said that you were a princess with magic powers and that’s how you caught my cancer so quickly,” she whispered.

“Did he now?” Clarke asked a little surprised.

“Yeah, he also said that I shouldn’t tell you he said that.”

“Well, technically it’s a lie, he’s the one who saw it. I just confirmed it,” Clarke told her.

“So Bell is a magical prince?” Ella gasped.

“Uh, I’d say he’s more a magical princess,” Clarke countered and Ella giggled.

“I’m gonna tell on you,” Ella taunted.

“Please do,” Clarke laughed.

Ella took off running towards her room and Anna stayed behind for just a moment.

“Thank you again so much,” Anna said, tears welling up in her eyes.

“Of course,” Clarke said and Anna followed her daughter.

* * *

Harper was staring at Clarke. Clarke wasn’t looking at her so she couldn’t know for sure, but she could feel it.

“Honestly dude, what do you even get _The_ Abby Griffin for Christmas?” Harper asked.

The two women were out shopping, well, Harper had finished her shopping and Clarke was trying to find her last present which just so happened to be for her mother. A person Clarke always had trouble shopping for.

“Normally I’d just get her a gift card to whatever restaurant she’s been raving about lately but we haven’t really been talking since I moved away. Which I get is partly my fault but the phone goes both ways,” Clarke grumbled mostly to herself.

“Why did you leave?” Harper asked.

It was an innocent question but it didn’t feel that way to Clarke.

“I just wanted change,” Clarke said flippantly.

“Huh,” Harper grunted and Clarke couldn’t tell if she believed her or not.

There was a long silence as the two of them walked through the department store.

“Ok,” Harper said and put herself in front of Clarke stopping her, “I can tell you don’t want to talk about it but if you ever change your mind, I’m here and I’m very good at keeping a secret.”

“Are you now?” Clarke smiled.

“The best,” Harper hooked her arm with Clarke’s and continued walking.

Clarke hummed noncommittally and walked with her but that didn’t stop her mind from wandering.

 

> “Why am I not surprised?” Thalia scoffed.
> 
> “Honestly, I thought she was different,” Raven added.
> 
> They didn’t know that Clarke was on one of the top bunks in the on-call room. They didn’t know that she could hear them and they certainly didn’t know that she knew they were talking about her.
> 
> “I didn’t think she would go that far to get what she wanted,” Thalia said with what sounded like hurt to Clarke. But she couldn’t be sure not without looking at Thalia’s face.
> 
> But Clarke was hiding, from everyone. She didn’t want anyone to see her, especially not the people she thought were her friends.
> 
> “I don’t know what to tell ya, T, she’s a bitch,” Raven said.
> 
> A few seconds later Clarke heard the door open and close again and the lights went out.
> 
> She poked her head out from under the blanket and took a staggered breath. Her chest felt tight and it was getting hard to breathe. She had to get out of here. Out of this hospital, out of this state. 

“Maybe you should get her this?” Harper pulled Clarke from her head and presented her, in a very gameshow like manner, with an expensive diamond necklace.

“I think I’ll let Marcus do that,” Clarke said, “I’ll probably end up getting her a new stethoscope or something.”

“What an original idea, especially for a doctor,” Harper joked.

“Well, you try being the daughter of one of the best doctors in the world and then we’ll talk about my lack of inspiration,” Clarke said and dragged Harper out of the store.


	13. So why don't we go, somewhere only we know

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i warned you

“Today’s gonna be weird,” Clarke told Murphy who was wearing his white nurses' shoes instead of his typical black Nikes, a tell that he wasn’t in a mood to be fucked with.

“What makes you say that?” He asked head leaned against the back of the chair, eyes closed.

“It’s just a feeling,” Clarke said as her pager went off, “I should’ve taken today off too.”

“You have a full week break after today I think you’ll be fine,” Murphy said.

Clarke rolled her eyes and walked towards the ER. It wasn’t a 911 page so Clarke didn’t run. 

The page turned out to be an old lady who thought she’d broken her ankle and one of the interns looked at the scans and read it wrong. It turned out to be just a sprain.

Around lunchtime, Clarke ran into Murphy who gave her a look.

“Has the day gotten weird yet?” He teased.

Clarke just shook her head at him.

Not an hour later Clarke was in the ER when the phone started ringing constantly, sirens echoed through the ambulance entrance, and a wave of injured people flooded the ER. All the doctors and the nurses were hard at work trying to keep the hospital running at least semi-smoothly.

At one point Clarke caught the eye of Murphy and raised her eyebrows in an I-told-ya-so way. He just shook his head at her in disbelief.

There had been an explosion that had hit an elementary school near the hospital. The news was saying that the blast hadn’t originated at the elementary school but it was close enough to cause a lot of damage and injure at least 100 people.

Not that Clarke needed that last bit of information, she could very clearly see the damage the explosion had caused. 

There were dozens of kids in the ER, most of them had minor injuries, but some were coming in with shrapnel embedded in their skin. Clarke was going in and out of ORs checking on different children and doing her best to save them.

Clarke was exhausted, but she couldn’t think about that. She couldn’t think about the fact that her feet were practically screaming at her to sit down even if it was just for a moment. She could pay any attention to the fatigue that was taking over her arms. She couldn’t do any of that because she had a job to do.

Finally, after hours and hours of treating patients her part was finally starting to wind down. There were still surgeries going on and people with injuries, but they had non-bone related injuries. 

Clarke was about to slow down and attend to some of the kids who needed stitches for a bit when someone in the waiting room caught her attention.

It was a woman yelling at one of the interns. Clarke handed the suture kit to a more than capable senior resident and walked over to the commotion.

“What’s going on?” Clarke asked Fox and looked over at the woman, “Anna?”

“Doctor Griffin,” Anna let out a breath of relief, “Please I need your help.”

“What is it?” Clarke asked her voice laced with fear.

“Today was Ella’s first day back at school and I cannot get ahold of her teacher and I can’t find her,” Anna sobbed.

Clarke felt the blood drain from her face.

“Fox, I need you to get on the phone with search and rescue,” Clarke ordered, “See if they have any other survivors at the scene. Miles!”

The young resident turned to her.

“You busy?” Clarke called.

“Not currently no,” he answered.

“You are now, I need you to go around to other parents and help them locate their children.”

“By myself?” He asked and Clarke glared at him, “I will take interns.”

Miles grabbed a few interns and went on his way. Clarke turned back to Anna.

“I will do everything I can to find Ella,” Clarke said. Anna nodded and Clarke ran off to check the OR board.

The only thing she found was Bellamy who was in OR 2 working on a Jane Doe. Clarke felt herself relax just a little.

She quickly made her way to the OR floor and burst into the scrub room. She grabbed a mask and held it over her nose and mouth.

“Ahh princess,” Bellamy said calmly which surprised Clarke at first before she remembered that he didn’t know Ella was missing, “What can I do ya for?”

“What?” Clarke asked then shook her head. “Never mind doesn’t matter. Jane Doe?”

“Apparently, I didn’t do any of the intake they just paged me for the surgery. Why? Is something wrong?” Bellamy quickly looked at Clarke.

“I just have a mom looking for her daughter.” Clarke wasn’t sure why she left out that it was Anna looking for Ella, but she did. “Do you mind?”

Bellamy shook his head and Clarke walked over to the head of the body. Clarke pulled back the drape that laid across her face. Clarke couldn’t make out anything that would tell her if this was Ella or not.

“Is it her?” Bellamy asked and pulled Clarke from her thoughts.

“I can’t tell,” Clarke walked over to the cupboards and grabbed a cotton swab and cover, “I’m gonna do a DNA test.”

Clarke handed the swab to one of the nurses who collected a sample and then she took it and left the room.

Normally a familial DNA test would take a long time, but since Clarke wasn’t actually doing a DNA test she was just cross-checking files that they had on hand it wouldn’t take that long.

“Here ya go,” the lab tech handed Clarke the piece of paper.

Clarke barely read over the paper before rushing off to find Anna.

Anna was pacing when Clarke found her pacing back and forth in the waiting room.

“Anna -” Clarke called and Anna stopped and looked to Clarke, “I found her she’s in surgery with Bellamy.”

“Ok, so she’s not dead. How bad is it?” Anna asked.

“I don’t know, I was going to go check on her and see if I can help,” Clarke said.

Anna sighed with relief and nodded her head. She sat down in the chair in the waiting room and Clarke once again took off for the OR.

Clarke felt like she was racing against time; like she was moving in slow-motion while everyone around her was moving at warp speed.

When she finally got to the OR she was breathless. After grabbing a mask she walked into the OR just as Bellamy was backing away from the table.

“Time of death 14:28,” Bellamy’s voice rang through the room.

Clarke’s arm dropped her hand that held the mask to her side. 

_ Damn it. _

“So was it the daughter?” Bellamy’s voice was too casual it almost bothered Clarke more than it should, it’s not like he knew. Clarke didn’t want to tell him, but she had to. There was a feeling in the pit of her stomach.

Clarke opened the hazardous waste bin and emptied the contents of her stomach into the bin.

“Woah,” Bellamy rushed over to her side and placed his hand on her back, “Princess are you ok?”

Clarke closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She stood up straight and wiped her mouth with the back of her hand. Bellamy was looking at her with concern.

“Jane Doe is Ella,” Clarke said softly. Bellamy’s brows furrowed in confusion before he looked back at the small lifeless body that lay on the table. He looked back at her and stormed out of the room.

Clarke quickly followed him to the back stairwell that nobody really used. She watched wordlessly as he slammed his open palm against the wall in frustration. She wanted to help him but she didn’t know how. Sure they were being friendly towards each other but they weren’t really friends. Other than Thanksgiving, the only time they’d spent time together, one on one, was when they had sex.

Bellamy turned around and leaned his back against the wall and looked at Clarke.

“Did you know before?” Bellamy asked.

“I knew that I was looking for Ella but I didn’t know until I got the results back from the DNA test.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner?” He was angry.

“You were the second person I told.”

“Oh god, Anna.” Bellamy slid down the wall and rested his head between his knees. “How am I going to tell her?”

“Bellamy -”

“She’s a single mother Clarke!” His head shot up and he looked at her with sad eyes the strongly resembled a puppy. “I should’ve done more.”

Clarke sunk down to her knees in front of him.

“You did all you could do Bellamy,” Clarke whispered.

Bellamy sniffled and wiped away a few tears that had rolled down his cheeks. Clarke stood and offered him her hand, which he took. The two of them walked quietly to the waiting room.

Anna was sitting there looking around but she hadn’t seen them yet.

“I have no idea what to say to her,” Bellamy whispered.

Clarke wanted to grab his hand to reassure him but she fought the urge. Anna caught site of the two of them and rushed over. The woman slowed to a stop when she got a clear view of their facial expressions.

“No,” Anna whispered.

“Anna, I’m so sorry.” Bellamy took a step toward her but she stepped away.

Anna looked at Clarke. “She was fine. She just beat cancer. She was out of the woods.”

Clarke grabbed her hand and stared unblinkingly into her eyes. “We did everything we could.”

Anna broke down into heart-wrenching sobs her knees gave out but before she could fall to the floor, Clarke caught her and pulled her into a hug. Anna cried onto Clarke's shoulder and tightened her grip around Clarke’s torso. 

Clarke looked at Bellamy over Anna’s shoulder and he turned away almost instantly.


	14. I'll give it to someone special

It wasn’t that Clarke was afraid of flying, she just didn’t like it. She didn’t like that most of the time the movie selection or whatever the airline was playing on their TV screens was shit so she was forced to sit there in flying metal box and be alone with her thoughts. And being alone with her thoughts never seemed to do her any good.

So her flight back to Florida was filled with attempts to cast away thoughts of the previous day’s events, but every time she closed her eyes visions of Anna and Bellamy mourning Ella haunted her. It was a very long flight.

And then just to top it all off at dinner Abby kept making snide comments about how Clarke should really think about her future and that she would have so many more opportunities if she came back. 

“Mom!” Clarke finally snapped stunning Abby into silence. “I get it, ok? You want me to come home but if you haven’t been paying attention I don’t want to. I like my new job and my new friends. Please let me have this.”

“Why did you leave in the first place?” Abby asked for the millionth time.

“Abby,” Marcus used his ‘dad’ voice and despite the fact that he wasn’t actually a dad and didn’t become Clarke’s stepfather until she was grown, he had that shit down.

“Do not ‘ _ Abby _ ’ me,” Abby told him and turned her attention to him.

“She has told you multiple times why she left,” Marcus said.

“I don’t think she’s telling me the truth!”

“So what if she’s not? If and when she’s ready to tell you, she’ll tell you.”

The two went back and forth for a while and Clarke used their little spat to sneak away to her old bedroom.

It wasn’t her childhood bedroom. No, that had been left behind only a few months after Jake died. Jake had died when Clarke was 16 and before she turned 17 they’d moved into this house.

Abby and Clarke had different ways of coping with his sudden death. While Clarke wanted to hold on to everything that reminded her of him and just wallow in the sadness before moving forward, Abby threw herself back into work and just tried to distance herself from her feelings.

In hindsight, they both probably should’ve gone to therapy and probably still should because that seemed to be the beginning of their issues.

It wasn’t that Clarke didn’t love her mother, because she did, it was that Abby was a pusher and just needed all the facts and details even after Clarke had told her multiple times that she shouldn’t worry about it because it was nothing. Or so Clarke kept telling herself.

When Christmas day came around Clarke handed Abby her gift, which Clarke was pretty proud that she’d thought of something better than a stethoscope, but then Abby made yet  _ another _ snide remark about how all she really wanted for Christmas was for her daughter to come home.

That prompted Clarke to go to the kitchen to escape the room. While hiding in the kitchen she started snacking on some pretzels. She was eyeing a bottle of rosé when the feeling she got in the OR the other day came back. She put the pretzels down and ran to the bathroom.

She only barely made it to the toilet before puking again.

_ Am I sick? Did my mom serve bad food? If it was food poisoning then everyone else should have it too right? Unless - _

A knock at the bathroom door cut off Clarke’s thoughts. “Is everything ok in there?” Marcus asked.

“Yeah, I just -”  _ think of a good lie Clarke _ “-had a really bad period cramp.”  _ I’m sure that’s exactly what he wanted to hear. _

“Do you need me to get your mother?” Marcus asked and Clarke had to commend him on his seemingly unphased demeanor.

“No,” Clarke answered quickly, “I’m good, thank you.”

“Ok, well let us know if you need anything.” 

Clarke waited for his footsteps to get quieter before getting back to her minor freak out.

_ I can’t be. Can I?  _

She tried to remember the last time that she used a tampon. She had definitely used one the week before Halloween. Which means that she should’ve used them again during Thanksgiving, but she couldn’t remember needing them then.

_ Oh fuck. Ok Clarke, calm down. It’s not for sure yet. Maybe you just had an off month those happen sometimes. You should take the test before you start freaking out. But that means you’ll have to find a time to sneak out. _

Turned out that last part wasn’t very hard because later that night Abby had invited people over for a Christmas party on Christmas day. Clarke thought it was odd that people showed up but people did need a break from family time.

Clarke was standing in the formal living room against the wall waiting for the perfect opportunity to slip out. She was trying to blend into the wall and so far her plan was working.

Suddenly one of the last people she wanted to see, walked through the door. Thalia walked in and Clarke froze for a moment. 

_ Oh shit, I have to get out of here.  _ Now.

Clarke ducked behind the couch in an attempt to hide from her. Once she’d made her way to the other room Clarke rushed out the door. She ran to the end of the block before she stopped to catch her breath.

She was scolding herself for not thinking about it.

_ Of course, there was a chance that she would’ve shown up. She works with your mom Clarke. Just be glad that it wasn’t  _ him.

But it’s not like Abby told her in advance that people were coming over from work. And it’s not like Clarke told her mother. Clarke was started having difficulty breathing.

_ Clarke breathe.  _

It took a minute but Clarke finally caught her breath. She stood up and took a few more deep breaths.

Clarke started walking to the closest corner store. She was halfway down the block when she realized that she didn’t have a jacket, she hesitantly thought about going back for one but then remembered that she wasn’t in Oregon and she didn’t need one because it wasn’t cold.

Clarke browsed through the empty store trying to look like she wasn’t here for a specific reason. She picked up a pack of gummy worms, 2 Hershey's bars, a soda, pamprin, and a pregnancy test.

At the checkout counter, the young girl scanned the items and gave Clarke a look with the last two. 

“Will that be all?” The girl asked.

“The pamprin is for if I’m not ok?” Clarke defended herself.

“I didn’t say anything,” the girl countered just as defensively placing all 

“You didn’t have to.” Clarke swiped her card and took the bag.

“Have a nice night!” The girl called and Clarke shot her a look over her shoulder.

Clarke started the walk back to her mom’s house, as she walked she pulled the pregnancy test box out of the bag. She opened the box and pulled out the test that was wrapped individually. She took the test and stuck it into her bra and disposed of the box.

She took out the soda and started drinking it quickly. She was on the front porch when she finished her drink. She took a deep breath and walked in.

The party was still in full swing, Clarke looked around the party but didn’t see Thalia or whoever could’ve joined her. Everyone seemed to be so enthralled with the other party-goers that they didn’t notice Clarke at all, giving her the chance to sneak up to the upstairs to the bathroom.

2 minutes. That’s long she would have to wait for the results. Well more like 1 minute and 30 seconds left. 

_ This might be the longest 2 minutes of my life. _

Clarke stared at the test. She wanted to call someone, well not just someone, Thalia. She could call Wells but he wouldn’t know what to say to Clarke let alone be able to give her any sort of advice. And there was no way in hell she was calling any of her new friends who would be able to profit off of this.

_ Woah dude, calm down, we don’t know what the test says yet. Let’s just get through that first. _

The timer on her phone scared her when it went off.

It took her another minute to build up the nerve to look at the test.

Clarke slowly turned it over.

''Well, fuck,” Clarke whispered.

Not wanting anyone to find the positive test she pulled out a tampon took it out of the wrapper and stuck the test in the wrapper and threw the test away. If she wasn’t going through denial and shock she’d pat herself on the back for her quick thinking.

Rejoining the party was not as hard as she thought it was going to be. Clarke thought that at least one person would’ve noticed her absence, but if they did, they didn’t say anything. Clarke avoided her mother and Kane for the rest of the evening. 

In fact, after being back at the party for about 15 minutes she realized no one was paying attention to her so she snuck off to her room.


	15. Welcome to club knocked up

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you're ready for this fucking ride

It was the day before New Year's eve and Clarke was back on the west coast.

She was sitting in the waiting room of a clinic 20 minutes away from her place. She was hoping that she wouldn’t see anyone she knew here, she was two towns over she should be fine.

A nurse finally called her back to one of the exam rooms. She asked Clarke all the questions then as she left said the doctor would be in momentarily.

“Ok, Ms.-” the doctor said as he walked in then stopped and looked up at Clarke who was staring at him in disbelief ‘’-Clarke?”

''Fuck.”

"What are you doing here?" Miller asked. ''Is everything ok?”

"I now get why patients think that we don't read the charts.”

"Clarke.”

"I'm fine Miller, just ya know-” Clarke shrugged "just a tad pregnant.”

''Ok, well, we’ll get you an ultrasound and getcha all setup.” Much to Clarke’s surprise, Miller had minimal facial reactions to her admittance.

Clarke watched him as he grabbed the ultrasound machine and got it set up. He avoided eye contact awkwardly and mumbled when he asked her to lift up her shirt. She knew why he was acting like this.

"Ask the question," she told him.

"I don’t need to know.” He squirted some of the gel onto her stomach.

“But you want to.”

"You don’t have to tell me,” Miller paused then made eye contact with her, “But you wouldn’t have come all the way to Hillsboro if you didn’t care if people found out.”

Clarke held her breath. And fiddled with the hem of her shirt.

“Clarke, are you keeping this baby?” Clarke nodded. “Does the father know?” 

“Not yet.”

“Who’s the father?” Miller finally asked the question that Clarke had been waiting for.

“Murphy,” Clarke said with the straightest face she could muster and Miller stared at her in horror, “I’m kidding.”

“Oh,” Miller let out a sigh of relief then paused, “Wait, is it Bellamy’s?”

“Don’t tell anyone,” Clarke whispered.

“Legally I can’t, you’re officially a patient of mine.” Miller looked at her from the corner of his eyes. “Bellamy huh?”

“Shut up,” Clarke groaned and leaned back on the exam table.

“So I guess someone won.”

“Nobody won shit, the bet was that Bellamy and I would be together -”

“And you were together, weren’t you?” Miller smirked and put the wand on her bare stomach.

“Once doesn’t count,” Clarke scoffed.

“Tell that to your uterus,” Miller muttered not looking away from the screen.

“I even took Plan B,” Clarke pressed the heels of her palms to her temples.

“You didn’t use a condom?” Miller gaped. “Wait. When did you and Bellamy-” he then started making awkward facial expressions and winking at her.

“Miller if you’re going to work as a gyno you really should be able to say the word sex.”

“But if I say then it actually happened and I don’t want to imagine that because I just -” he fake gagged.

“But it did actually happen, I’m pregnant because of it,” Clarke pointed out.

Miller stopped what he was doing to give her a look before going back to his job.

“Halloween,” Clarke whispered the answer to Miller’s half unasked question.

“No shit,” Miller smirked he pressed a button and put the wand back in its place. He tilted the screen so Clarke could see it. “There it is, your magical blip.”

“I hope you don’t talk to your regular patients like this,” Clarke said.

“Nah, only people who are carrying my best friends fetus,” he snickered.

“You’re really enjoying this aren’t you?” Clarke glared at him briefly before looking back at the screen.

“I’d be enjoying it more if I could tell someone.”

“How do you think I feel?”

“But you can tell people,” Miller pointed out. He pressed a button and the printer connected to the ultrasound started making noise.

Clarke smiled at the screen. “I can’t tell anyone. If I told people then they’d figure out who’s baby it is and then they start their betting again and I don’t want people making money off my child.”

Miller was quiet for a moment before nodding his head. “That’s fair.” He ripped the piece of paper from the printer and handed it to her. “From what I can tell you’re going to be a great mother.”

“Thanks, Miller.” Clarke smiled and took the ultrasound picture. “Now that you’re my doctor I guess this’ll make it easier and we can just do it at work.”

“You’re not gonna get a different doctor?” Miller asked and Clarke hopped off the table.

“Did you want me too?” Clarke gave him her best puppy eyes.

Miller sighed heavily. “No.”

“Ok, then I’ll see you at work.” Clarke patted his back and grabbed her things.

* * *

Clarke was starting to see why sober people don’t hang out with drunk people. New Year’s being hosted at Octavia’s this year and despite the fact that it was barely even 11 pm it was getting out of hand. 

Murphy was already 5 shots deep and giving some girl Clarke hadn’t met before a striptease, Monty and Harper had not so subtly snuck away, Echo was staring at the TV with a dazed expression on her face, Octavia was going around forcing people to take shots with her, and Bellamy was sitting on the opposite side of the room in a similar manner to Clarke.

Clarke was holding a red solo cup full of water so whenever someone invited her to drink with them she’d just hold up her cup and say she was good. She got a lot of comments about how much of a mom she was being.

_ You have no idea. _

Miller sat next to her, he wasn’t as drunk as the rest but he was getting there.

“You need to tell him,” he whispered.

Clarke glared at him and he held his hands up as he backed away. 

Clarke sat on the couch with her water cup. Mindlessly she pulled her long blonde braid over her shoulder and toyed with the end. A few moments later Bellamy (a very drunk Bellamy) sat next to her a lot closer than he normally would.

“Hey princess,” he murmured.

“Blake,” she said. She knew she was being awkward, she couldn’t help it she had no idea how to act around the father of her child. 

_ Oh god, I have to tell him. I should tell him. I can’t tell him while he’s drunk though. Oh god, can he tell that I’m being awkward? _

“You have really soft hair,” he said taking the braid from her hand and playing with it himself.

_ Clearly, he’s drunk enough to not notice how weird you’re being Clarke. _

“Thanks, I guess.” 

Bellamy’s fingers slowly climbed up the braid until they were at the base of her skull and rooted them in her hair.

“Do you like having your hair pulled princess?” He had a smirk on his face that rendered Clarke breathless.

_ If you’re offering... _

Clarke opened her mouth to say something snarky but all that came out was a shaky breath.

Bellamy leaned his face closer to hers.

“You’re drunk, Blake,” Clarke pointed out.

Bellamy moved his hand away from her hair and placed it in his lap. “Why do you only call me ‘Blake’?”

“I don’t just call you ‘Blake’.”

“Yeah, ya do,” he said as he leaned his head against the back of the couch.

“The ball’s dropping!” Someone called from the other room.

“It’s only just now midnight?” Bellamy sat up and looked around.

“Nah we got 15 more seconds,” Miller said as he passed by.

“Jesus Christ I’m so tired,” Bellamy groaned and Clarke chuckled. “Any resolutions?” Bellamy asked her.

“10!” The chanting started.

“To not fuck up too badly,” Clarke answered.

“9!”

“That’s a pretty good one,” Bellamy laughed.

“7! 6! 5!”

“To not fucking up,” Clarke held up her cup.

“3!”

“To not fucking up,” Bellamy agreed and tapped his cup against hers.

“2! 1! Happy New Year!”


	16. I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> am i drunk? yes.   
> is that the reason i'm posting at 1:30am? also yes

**January**

Bellamy leaned over and kissed her cheek. It only lasted a moment and when he pulled away Clarke looked at him.

“Happy New Year, princess,” he whispered and then closed his eyes and snuggled up against her.

His breathing slowed and Clarke was sure he was asleep. Clarke sat there in shock for a moment looking around at everyone else, no one seemed to be paying attention to them. Clarke turned her head to the man who was sleeping against him.

“Happy New Year, Bellamy.”

About half an hour later everyone was settling down and claiming a space to fall asleep. Clarke could’ve gone home but she stayed. 

It was around 8 am when Clarke woke up Bellamy was still on the couch next to her but his head was in her lap. Clarke gently lifted his head, careful not wake him she moved out from under him and placed a pillow that was laying on the floor next to her feet under his head.

Clarke walked into the kitchen put on a pot of coffee. She then pulled out a garbage bag and started cleaning up the vast amount of red solo cups that littered the house. Most of them still had liquid in them.

She dumped the liquid in the sink and put the cups in the bag.

“Whatcha doing, princess?” 

Clarke looked over to find Bellamy groggily walking into the kitchen rubbing his eyes.

“Cleaning up.” She nodded towards the coffee pot. “That should be done soon.”

“How are you not hungover?” He sighed and slid onto a barstool and propped up on his head on his hand.

“Easy. I didn’t drink,” Clarke laughed.

“Why not?”

_ Because I’m pregnant with your child. _

“Well, you decided to get drunk and we both know that these idiots need someone to look out for them. Especially while they’re drunk.”

Bellamy chuckled. “You’re such a mom.”

_ Buddy, you have no idea. _

Bellamy got up and helped clean up.

“Bellamy -”

“Princess, stop. Besides, I have to live up to my ‘dad’ nickname don’t I?” Bellamy teased.

_ Not really just a nickname. Alright, Clarke, get it together you’re not being helpful. _

“Your nickname?” Clarke asked. “Shouldn’t be ‘asshole’?”

“Ha, ha, you’re very funny princess. But no, Monty and Murphy thought they were being funny and called me that once and Jasper didn’t let it die.”

“Who’s Jasper?”

“He used to work at the hospital but he transferred a month or two before you got here. I’m sure he’ll be around at some point, probably to collect his winnings. Did you ever bet on Monty and Harper?” 

Clarke shook her head. “No, I know what it feels like to have people bet on my love life.”

“Ah yes, college. How did you even find out about that?”

“I tricked Wells into telling me by saying that you kissed me.”

“I never -” he leaned back on his heels with a smirk, “- you lied.”

If Clarke didn’t know any better, she’d say he sounded a little impressed. “Well yeah, contrary to popular belief, I’m a great liar. Had to be if I was ever going to get anything past my mom.”

“What did Wells say to that?” Bellamy looked very interested in the beer bottles that he was setting next to the sink.

“He was pissed because he bet on us never getting together.”

Bellamy smiled and nodded. “I knew I liked him for a reason.”

“You hated him,” Clarke corrected.

Bellamy opened his mouth to retaliate but the coffee maker beeped.

“Get some coffee so you can actually help clean up,” Clarke teased as she continued to clean.

“Oh, have I not been helping enough for you?” Bellamy laughed as he poured himself a cup.

“Well you’ve thrown away exactly 3 cups, while my bag is almost full so…” the end of her sentence trailed off as she shrugged at him.

“Oh, so this is how it’s gonna be?” Bellamy was trying to hide a smile behind a shocked expression.

Clarke’s only response was an eyebrow raise over her shoulder.

“Oo, princess you wound me.”

“Well if you were better at cleaning I’d leave you alone.”

Bellamy chuckled and finished his coffee before rejoining Clarke in her cleaning efforts. After the kitchen and dining room was free of litter, Clarke tied up the bags and put them next to the garage door.

“If you wanted to get started on breakfast, I can mop the floors,” Clarke said already looking through Octavia’s cupboards.

“Why am I cooking?” Bellamy asked but get out the things to make breakfast.

“Because everyone has decided that I’m a horrible cook, so none of y’all bastards will know just how good of a cook I am,” Clarke said and pulled the Swiffer from the closet.

“I have never said that you were a terrible cook.”

“Yes, you have, I believe your exact words were ‘wow I can’t believe that Clarke can fuck up cooking so badly’.”

“You had a recipe right in front of you!” Bellamy raised his voice slightly and Clarke gave him a smug smile knowing she’d won. “Fuck.”

Clarke smiled. 

The two of them worked mostly in silence while everyone else continued to sleep, other than the occasional snarky comment to each other. Clarke went over the floor at least three times before the floor was anywhere close to not being sticky. She glared at Bellamy who was standing with his back to her at the stove.

_ Why did you give him the easy job dumb-dumb, you’re the pregnant one.  _

Clarke rolled her eyes at herself and continued to mop.

After the fourth mopping, she gave up and stood next to Bellamy as he worked.

“Are you going to help?” Bellamy asked.

Clarke knew he was teasing, she heard it in his voice, but she was sweaty tired and frankly angry at the man next to her. “According to you, I can’t follow a recipe.”

Bellamy pours more pancake batter on the skillet then shifts closer to Clarke. “But I’d be there this time.”

His voice was low and Clarke felt a familiar shiver down her spine.

“And what would you be able to do?” Clarke challenged cocking an eyebrow.

Bellamy smirked and got back the pancakes. It wasn’t long after that, people started walking up and Clarke offered them all coffee which they all took graciously. Miller and Octavia were the first ones up. Murphy, the new girl, and Echo were right behind. Unsurprisingly, Monty and Harper were the last ones in.

Clarke gave Harper a knowing smile and watched the younger girl blush.

The rest of the morning was full of snarky comments and laughter. Bellamy’s pancakes were a big hit, but no one thanked her for the coffee (she didn’t mind that much). 

On her way out the door, Octavia thanked her for cleaning up, even if it was only a little bit.


	17. I never saw you coming

It’d been a week since new years and Clarke kept getting paged by Miller. He mostly paged her to parts of the hospital that were mostly empty like the basement, near the HR department. After the fifth time in one day, Clarke was getting a little pissed off.

“Miller, I swear to god,” Clarke said as she walked into a storage room in the basement.

“Look, I’m all for HIPAA. It’s important and I get that. But keeping the fact that my best friend is going to be a father from him is driving me crazy. I’m begging you -” Miller grabbed her arm, “- tell him.”

Clarke liked to think of herself as a logical person, she really did, but for some reason right then at the thought of telling Bellamy, logical Clarke was nowhere to be found.

“What if he doesn’t want it?” Clarke asked. 

“What?” Miller asked, rightfully confused.

“What if he tells me I should get rid of it? What if he doesn’t want anything to do with me or the baby?”

“Ok, I’m talking to hormonal Clarke -”

“I’m not hormonal!” It was meant to come off as angry but it sounded more like a sob.

Miller just gave her a look. “I’ve known Bellamy a long time, Clarke. He was basically born a dad, he’s gonna want to be a part of this kid’s life I promise you that.”

“Ok,” Clarke whispered.

“Ok,” Miller nodded, “Now, please, I’m begging you tell him because I cannot handle this secret anymore. He knows I’m keeping something from him.”

“How do you know he knows?”

“Yesterday he tried to guilt-trip me by saying ‘I’m so grateful that I have someone in my life that wouldn’t keep anything from me’. Clarke, do you know what that’s doing to my insides? You are giving me a stress ulcer.”

Clarke glared at him. “You’re a very easy person to manipulate you realize that right?”

Miller raised a tightly clenched fist at her to shake it at her and bared his teeth. Angrily he whispered, “Just tell him.”

Miller didn’t wait for her response as he walked away.

* * *

“Well, Tyler,” Clarke said, “you ready to get that cast-off?”

Tyler nodded solemnly.

“What’s up kiddo?” Clarke asked.

Tyler looked at his mom who nodded giving him the signal that he could say what he was thinking.

“I miss Ella,” he said softly and Clarke paused briefly. 

She bent over so she was eye level with him.

“I miss her too,” Clarke said softly.

“Am I going to die too?” Tyler sobbed.

“Oh honey no,” Tyler’s mom said as she got up from her spot and sat next to him.

“But Ella was fine and then she came back to the hospital and then died,” Tyler sobbed.

Tyler’s mom looked at Clarke lost as to what to say.

“I know the hospital is a scary place and I’m not going to lie to you sometimes people die in the hospital. And it’s very sad when people die. But do you know how many times I’ve taken off a cast?” Tyler shook his head. “A lot and every time, that person has lived.”

“So I’m going to be ok?” Tyler asked.

“Yeah you are, and I’m pretty sure that if you’re _really_ good you can talk your mom into getting you ice cream,” Clarke smirked. Both Tyler and Clarke turned to his mom who nodded with a small smile on her face.

After a painless removal of Tyler’s cast, Clarke was standing at the nurses’ station talking to Murphy. More like glaring at Murphy, but what else is new?

“I’m just saying that we don’t want to put labels on it because she feels the same way I do,” Murphy shrugged.

Clarke had finally gotten around to asking Murphy about his new year's date, and he was currently trying to convince her that it was a casual fling. But Clarke wasn’t buying any of it. Clarke propped up her head on her hand.

“And how do you feel? About Emori I mean.”

“No kind of specific way, she’s hot and kind. She makes me laugh,” Murphy said as he shrugged it off before continuing. “She also doesn’t take any shit from anyone. She’s incredibly smart. She works as an engineer.”

Clarke kept listening to Murphy ramble on about his ‘not girlfriend’ and about a minute into his list she noticed Bellamy standing a few feet away looking at the two of them. They made eye contact and Bellamy shook his head with silent laughter. Clarke bit the inside of her cheek to keep her own laughter at bay.

Murphy only stopped because one of his patients called out to him and he left to go check on them.

“How much of that did you buy?” Bellamy asked once Murphy was out of earshot.

“Of the ‘happy not putting labels on it’?” Bellamy nodded. “Not a fucking word.”

“Yeah well, Murphy’s not a ‘relationship’ kind of guy.”

Clarke studied Bellamy for a moment and the next words just slipped out of her mouth, “Wanna bet?”

Bellamy looked at her with a mischievous smile. “Oh so now you’re all for betting on people?”

“I’m not betting on when they’ll get into a relationship, besides, he clearly likes her. We’re just betting on whether or not they’ll put labels on it.”

“Done,” Bellamy said and smirked at her, “But Murphy’s one of my best friends. I think I know him better than you do.”

“You’re also a cynic and if I remember correctly don’t believe in love,” Clarke poked.

Bellamy gaped at her and Miller came up behind him staring at Clarke. Miller gave her an angry look and pointed at Bellamy. Bellamy was unaware of the silent conversation going on in front and behind him.

“I have never said that I don’t believe in love,” Bellamy defended himself.

Clarke gave him a look then shot Miller the same look. Miller pointed one more time before walking away. Bellamy gave Clarke an odd look. Clarke smiled at him.

“You one hundred percent said that. I remember very clearly because I was sitting in the lobby of our dorm room floor and a girl walked out of your room with tears streaming down her face and seconds later as the elevator doors were closing on her you walked out and sat on the couch next to me. When I asked you what happened you said ‘she’s upset because I told her I don’t believe in love.’ So yeah you did say that.”

“Just because it’s what I told her doesn’t mean that’s what I believe.” Bellamy winked and walked away.

“You’re really weird,” Clarke said loud enough so that he might hear as he walked away.

A few hours later Clarke was sitting with Bellamy, Harper, and Murphy at a lunch table. They were talking about one thing or another, Clarke wasn’t really paying attention.

She was paying more attention to the string of texts she was getting from Miller who was a few tables away, he’d gone unseen by both Bellamy and Murphy so far and Clarke was hoping that would continue because he was being extremely nervous today.

“Yo Miller!” Bellamy called and Miller turned to him and walked over slowly.

_Oh shit._

“Hey guys,” Miller said awkwardly. Clarke gave him an unimpressed look and Miller not so subtly flipped her off.

Bellamy looked at Clarke confused before turning his attention back to Miller. “Why are you sitting by yourself?”

“Oh, I was just figuring out my plan for after work and I knew that if I sat over here Murphy would start talking about some shit distracting me.”

“I don’t talk shit,” Murphy pouted.

“Yes you do,” Harper and Clarke said simultaneously.

“Were you?” Bellamy asked not buying Miller’s excuse, Clarke wasn’t that surprised it was a flimsy excuse. Bellamy narrowed his eyes and Miller froze he then turned to Clarke.

“Can I speak to you?” Miller asked.

“Yeah,” Clarke said making no move to get up until Miller grabbed her upper arm and dragged her away. “Ow fine I’m coming.”

Miller led her around the corner.

“You haven’t told him yet,” he accused.

“Why did we need to come over here to talk about that?” Clarke asked. Miller gave her a death stare.

“Please tell him,” Miller said.

“Not while I’m at work weirdo,” Clarke muttered and walked away from him.

Hours later after her shift ended, Clarke was sifting through her mail outside her door when Bellamy walked up to her.

_You should probably do it now, Clarke._

“Hey princess,” he sounded a little annoyed with her.

“Blake,” Clarke greeted turning her attention back to the mail in her hand, “What’s got your panties in a twist?”

“What’s going on with you and Miller? You keep sneaking away and making weird faces at each other.”

“We’re sleeping together,” Clarke blurted.

_Oh yeah, nice and believable._

Bellamy tilted his head unimpressed. “Try again princess.”

“Ok well recently I found myself in need of a doctor and Miller turned out to be that doctor and he keeps pushing me to do something and I know I should do that something but I cannot bring myself to do it for some reason and he’s getting angry at me because I really should do it but -”

“Why do you need a doctor? Is everything ok? You’re not sick are you?” Bellamy cut her off.

The look of concern Bellamy had on his face melted Clarke.

“No, I’m fine, kind of.”

“Talk to me we can figure it out. If it’s serious I’m sure I can call in a few favors and fix it -”

“Bellamy, I’m pregnant!” Clarke cut him off.

Bellamy looked at her dumbfounded. “What?”

“It’s yours.”


	18. Take time to realize that I am on your side

Bellamy liked to think of himself as a level headed guy. He wasn’t always that way but in becoming a surgeon and having to deal with a lot of dumb people (mainly bad parents) he’s been able to become a level headed person.

Which is why he didn’t lose his cool when Octavia started dating Lincoln. Or when he found out the people on his floor freshman year were betting on him getting together with Clarke.

But Clarke telling him that she was pregnant and with his child no less, really threw him for a loop. He probably should’ve been more graceful about his surprise, it’s not like he’s the one carrying the child.

“You ok, Blake?” Clarke asked but Bellamy continued to stare at her. “Let’s get you some water.”

Clarke coaxed him into her apartment and sat him down at her small breakfast table before going into the kitchen to get him a drink. She came back and set down the glass and sat across from him.

Bellamy stared at Clarke who was patiently waiting for him to say something.

“You’re sure?” Was the first thing out of his mouth, again probably not as graceful as he should’ve been.

“Yes, I’m sure,” Clarke chuckled, “Believe me I wouldn’t’ve told you if I wasn’t a thousand percent sure.”

Bellamy sat back in his chair and sorted through his thoughts in an attempt to not put his foot in his mouth.

“Ok,” he started slowly unsure of how to ask his next question, “and what do you plan to do about it?”

“I’m keeping it.” Bellamy nodded. “And I don’t want you to feel any sort of pressure to be apart of the babies li-”

“Woah-” Bellamy stopped her, “I got you into this don’t think for a second I’m not going to step up and help.”

“Okay,” Clarke nodded her voice strained and shaky.

“Are you ok?” Bellamy asked cautiously.

“Yeah, I’m good,” Clarke answered with tears streaming down her face.

“I’m sorry, did I say something wrong?” 

“No,” Clarke’s voice broke and she cleared her throat, “I’m just having a lot of feelings because my hormones are all over the place and I just -”

She then started to break down into sobs. Bellamy looked around the empty room for someone to help and unsurprisingly found no one. It’s not that he’s never dealt with a crying person before, he worked in PEDs and he grew up taking care of Octavia. But he’d never dealt with a crying  _ Clarke _ before.

“Oh, hey, hey,” Bellamy whispered and got up and walked over to her. He got on his knees in front of her and placed his hand on her knee. He rubbed his thumb back and forth. “I got you.”

“We need to talk about what this means.”

“Right now?” Bellamy gave Clarke an unsure look.

“You can’t tell anyone.”

“Why not?”

Clarke wiped the tears from her eyes and looked down at Bellamy.

“Don’t freak out -”

“Clarke.”

“Our friends are -” Clarke paused and Bellamy squinted at her “- They’re betting on us and I’m petty.”

“I’m going to kill them.”

“No, you’re going to leave it alone we aren’t going to tell them,” Clarke said firmly. Bellamy stood up and sat back down in his chair.

“I can’t even tell Octavia?” Clarke shook her head vigorously. “Ok but at some point, they’re going to find out. I mean, a pregnancy isn’t really something that you can hide forever.”

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it but for now, no one knows. You can talk to Miller about it -”

“Miller knows?” Bellamy asked.

“Did you forget the part where he’s my doctor?” Bellamy had in fact forgotten about that. “Oh, I have something!”

Clarke got up and rushed into her room. Bellamy waited while Clarke dug around her room for a moment. She came back out and handed Bellamy a picture. Bellamy looked at Clarke before looking at the picture.

“Is this her?”

“We don’t know it’s a her, Blake.”

“Wanna bet?” Bellamy teased giving Clarke a smirk.

“We are not betting on our blackberry.”

“Our what?” Bellamy gaffed.

“Blackberry,” Clarke answered sheepishly, “It’s about the size of a raspberry but I like to call it blackberry.”

“Awe, our little cell phone,” Bellamy cooed.

“I hate you,” Clarke said as she grabbed the picture back from him.

“Whatever you say, princess,” Bellamy leaned back in his chair as Clarke walked back into her room.

* * *

Bellamy was sitting with Harper, Murphy, Monty, and  Miller. Harper and Monty were looking very coupley and giggling at each other. Bellamy couldn’t help but feel a twinge of jealousy, jealous that they had found someone that made them happy and got to share their life with that person.

“Has anyone noticed that Clarke’s been acting kind of weird lately?” Harper asked.

The question snapped Bellamy back to the present.

“Ya know what?” Murphy piped in. “I have. The other day I caught her on the verge of tears and when I asked her what was wrong she got really angry at me.”

“She’s been really uptight recently, like, more so than usual,” Monty commented.

Bellamy wanted to yell at them all and tell them to give her a break she’s dealing with things right now, but then they’d ask what she’s dealing with and then he’d probably break and tell them. No, best to just keep his mouth shut.

“She probably just needs to get laid,” Harper joked.

“What?” Bellamy finally chimed in unable to control himself.

“She said that Clarke needs to get laid,” Murphy reiterated, “So why don’t you take one for the team and dick her down good so she can relax just a little bit and we can go back to the chiller version Clarke we all know and love.”

Bellamy looked over to Miller for some kind of help because he sure as shit didn’t know how to respond to that. But Miller was just giving him a pointed look. Miller knew he knew, Clarke probably told him.

“I’m not going to have sex with Clarke,” Bellamy said.

“Getting dicked-down and having sex are two very different things,” Murphy pointed out.

“I don’t think they are,” Monty muttered.

“Either way,” Harper said, “you should help her relax, Bell.”

“Yeah, Bell,” Miller took a bite of his salad and winked at him. “Maybe you wouldn’t even have to sleep with her. Just go up to her and give her a little -” he extended his neck slightly and made the quietest little kissing noise.

“What the fuck is that, Miller?” Monty asked.

“Ya know just a little -” Miller repeated the motion.

“Oh so you mean just a little -” Murphy copied the gesture and Bellamy rolled his eyes.

“Yeah, like the tiniest little -” Miller did the smooch again.

“I’m leaving,”  Bellamy got up from the table and walked away after grabbing his tray. He could faintly hear the kissing noises continue behind him.

Bellamy walked over to the compost bin to toss his leftovers. That’s where Miller caught up to him.

“So you know,” Miller said in a hushed tone.

“Yeah,” Bellamy focused solely on the food in front of him, “I know.”

They started walking down the hallway side by side. Bellamy kept looking around him in a rather paranoid way. He was afraid that someone would overhear them talking and put two and two together. Well, he was more afraid that someone would hear  _ then _ start to talk and that would get back to Clarke who Bellamy was more afraid of.

“Good because that secret was killing me. So you gonna tell Octavia?” 

“I can’t.”

“Why not?” Miller asked. Bellamy looked at him expectedly. “What?”

“Because of the pool that’s going on for how long it’s gonna take Clarke and me to get together.”

“She told you about that too?” Miller looked betrayed which confused Bellamy, he was the one who was wronged by his friends, not Miller.

“Yeah, she told me,” Bellamy mocked, “the question is why didn’t you?”

“Oh yeah,” Miller scoffed, “Because if that news had come from anyone other than Clarke you would’ve taken it well.”

“What is that supposed to mean?”

Miller side-eyed Bellamy before shaking his head. “Nothing.”

Bellamy was about to push it farther but his pager went off.

“We’re not done with this discussion!” Bellamy called as he jogged away.

“I think we are!” Miller called back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i know a lot of you aren't going to find that last part funny but me and my friend found it hilarious when i wrote it we were in tears so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯


	19. Don't leave me wasted all alone

Clarke had always thought that women were lying when they said that they got cravings while they were pregnant. Now that she was pregnant herself she understood the craving thing. Because when she woke up from a very vivid dream and wanted, no  _ needed _ cheesy fries.

She couldn’t remember the dream but she was pretty sure it was just her sitting around eating cheesy fries from the way she was desperate for those fries.

She opened her phone.

3:30 am. Fuck there wasn’t anywhere that was open that she knew of. But she could think someone who would. She dialed the number and waited for an answer.

“Hello?” Bellamy answered groggily.

“I need cheesy fries.” Clarke rolled on to her back and stared at the ceiling.

“Clarke? It’s almost 4 in the morning. Why are you waking me?” Bellamy groaned.

“Because you got me pregnant and now I need cheesy fries,” Clarke reasoned.

“Princess, I just got off the longest shift ever and I’m tired, please go back to sleep.”

“Ok, but consider this; I’m carrying your child and I need cheesy fries,” Clarke reminded him.

“You’re really gonna milk this for all it’s worth, aren’t you?”

“Oh, I plan on milking this until the day I die, like it or not we’re bound for life.”

She heard Bellamy sigh heavily.

“Cheesy fries? Princess, it’s the middle of the night and you want cheesy fries?” Bellamy sighed again.

“Yeah, I figured that you would know where to get some.”

“Well lucky for you I happen to know the best place to get cheesy fries and they’re open 24 hours a day,” Bellamy said. Clarke could hear shuffling on his end of the line. “I’ll be back.”

“Good because I’m starving.” Without saying goodbye Clarke hung up the phone.

She must’ve fallen asleep because the next thing she knew she was jolted awake by the pounding at the door. Begrudgingly she got up and answered the door.

“What the fuck, Blake?” Clarke groaned. “It’s the middle of the night.”

Bellamy looked at her unimpressed and held up a paper bag. “I got your fucking cheesy fries and you fell back asleep? I drove all the way downtown to get you the best cheesy fries and you fall asleep?”

Bellamy pushed back into her apartment and Clarke looked at what he was wearing. He had on dinosaur pajama pants, no shirt, a black peacoat, and snow boots.

“Where’d you get the dinosaur pants?” Clarke asked closing the door. She followed him to the couch where he’d pulled out the container with the cheesy fries. She curled up on the couch next to him with her feet tucked under her.

“They were a gift from a patient,” Bellamy said flippantly before opening the packaging.

“I don’t know if I’m that hungry anymore,” Clarke whispered and Bellamy gave her a you’ve-got-to-be-fucking-kidding-me look. “What?”

“You woke me up, after an almost 48-hour shift -”

“You really shouldn’t be pulling 48-hour shifts,” Clarke muttered.

“An almost 48-hour shift, while I was trying to sleep on my day off no less and you have the audacity to tell me that you no longer want the thing that I drove across town to get?”

Clarke feeling a twinge of guilt took the container of food from him and started eating. At the first bite, she melted. So maybe she was still craving the fries after all.

“These are really good,” she told him.

“Good, now if you’ll excuse me I have sleep to be getting back to.”

“You get presents from patients?” Clarke asked before Bellamy got up.

“Well, I work with kids and parents are typically grateful, also half the gifts I get are chosen by the kids.” Bellamy leaned back into the sofa and watched Clarke as she continued to eat.

“Who picked these out?” She asked around a mouth full of fries.

Bellamy smiled somberly, “Ella. I know I was only her doctor, but I really miss her.”

“You weren’t just her doctor, Bellamy. That girl loved you.”

“I know but I feel like I miss her more than I should. Like I’ve had other patients die but for some reason, her death hit me hard.”

Unsure of where to go with that, she silently offered him some of the food. He smiled at her and took a few fries.

“Did I tell you that when I bought the pregnancy test I also bought pamprin?” Clarke asked hoping to change the mood. It seemed to work because Bellamy laughed.

“Why?”

“I don’t know!” Clarke said.

“There was no possible scenario where you needed both,” Bellamy laughed.

“I thought I could distract the clerk from the test!”

“You really thought that buying something for your period would help distract from that?” Bellamy continued to laugh.

“If you’re going to keep laughing at me, you can go,” Clarke said.

Bellamy put his hand on her thigh but kept laughing. Clarke cracked a smile unable to keep up the facade. After his laughter died down he looked at her, he looked like he was about to say something but he didn’t. 

Clarke was suddenly very aware of the hand on her thigh, even more so, the effect it was having on her. It was just a touch, it should  _ not _ be turning her on this much, but it was.

“I should get going.” Bellamy gave her thigh a squeeze and got up and left. Clarke sat there motionless marveling at what just happened. It was a few more minutes before Clarke even thought about locking the door and heading back to bed.

* * *

Clarke was aware that she’d been a little wound up recently and unfairly taking it out on her coworkers. So she’d been going around all day, when she wasn’t with a patient, and apologizing for her behavior. The last person she felt she needed to apologize to was Murphy.

“Hey Murphy,” she walked up to him and gave her a wary look, “I know recently I’ve been kind of a bitch and I just wanted to apologize -”

“Dude,” Murphy interrupted her, “Don’t worry about it. I get it you just need to get laid.”

“I will recant my apology,” Clarke said, mostly joking. Mostly.

“I’m kidding, geez maybe you do need to get laid,” Murphy smiled.

“Why am I friends with you?” 

“Because you’re life would be so boring without me,” Murphy countered and Clarke laughed.

“You’re probably right.” 

“When is the last time you got laid?” Murphy shrugged.

“Jesus Murphy,” Clarke shook her head and looked down at the ground. Murphy was wearing his goddamn nurse shoes again, which Clarke wanted to mock but stopped dead in her tracks.

Murphy started talking but Clarke wasn’t listening.

> _ “Are you going to take those stupid shoes off?” Clarke asked as Murphy took off his shirt. Once it was over his head he smirked at her. _
> 
> _ Clarke lay on the bed in just her bra and panties. _
> 
> _ “Do you want me to? Because I can leave them on,” Murphy said. _
> 
> _ Clarke groaned and propped herself up on her elbows. _
> 
> _ “I’m gonna hate myself so much for this -” _
> 
> _ “Leave ‘em on?” Murphy said cockily. _
> 
> _ Clarke nodded. _

Clarke’s eyes widened as she felt a blush climb up her neck to her cheeks. She turned away from Murphy while he was still talking and walked away.

“Griffin I’m talking to you!” He called after him.

“I have to go!” Clarke hurried away not bothering to give him an explanation.

“Why?”

Clarke didn’t answer as she rushed into the stairwell where she immediately ran into Bellamy.

“I thought you had today off,” Clarke said and looked down at his attire, he wasn’t wearing scrubs he was dressed in streetwear.

“Indra needed me to sign something, where are you off to in a hurry?”

“Don’t worry about it.”

“Princess, I will have you know that because of you I got little to no sleep last night,” he half-whispered.

“If you keep saying shit like that people will start thinking we had sex,” Clarke matched his volume.

Bellamy smirked and cocked his brows.

_ God, not today. _

“Didn’t we though?” He whispered in her ear.

“Get out of my way, Blake.” Clarke pushed him lightly but he didn’t resist her.

Clarke practically ran down the stairs trying to ignore her arousal.

_ Fucking pregnancy hormones. _


	20. It's a pretty good bad idea

The sex dreams continued, much to Clarke disdain. It was almost every night and it was almost always someone different. And clearly, her mind didn’t care at all about who she would be having sex within these dreams. So far she’d had dreams about, Murphy (obviously but then she’d had another one about him which was even more mortifying than the first and it would stay secret until the grave), Monty (which she felt super weird about), Harper, Echo (which was oddly thrilling), and Miller.

So it really shouldn’t have surprised her when Bellamy made an appearance in one of her dreams. But she was and when she jolted awake at 1 am she felt overcome with a new kind of craving.

She pulled out her phone.

Clarke:  **Ya know what sounds really good?**

Bellamy:  **Lucky for you I’m just about to head home so what do you want?**

Clarke:  **Chocolate therapy ice cream and an everything bagel.**

Bellamy:  **Princess, it’s 1 am next time can you’re craving happen maybe before all the stores start closing?**

Clarke:  **Ya know what you’re right, I will just tell our child that this isn’t the best time and they can deal.**

Bellamy: **Hold tight princess I’ll get your stupid food.**

Clarke: **Wow, my hero.**

Bellamy:  **Anything for you princess.**

Clarke set down her phone and smiled to herself.

_ Should you really be doing this? _

Clarke rolled her eyes at her subconscious.

_ Like sure he did it that one time but who’s to say he wants to do it again? And you know I’m right. _

Clarke shook the thoughts from her head and got out of bed. She unlocked her door knowing she didn’t want to get up and let Bellamy in when he came around. She walked into her living room she plopped herself onto the couch and pulled out her laptop to maybe catch up on some shows that she’d fallen behind on.

She’d only gotten halfway through an episode of Brooklyn 99 when there was a knock at her door.

“It’s open,” she called softly and the door opened and closed.

“You really shouldn’t leave your door unlocked, especially at night and especially when you live in a direct access apartment complex,” Bellamy scolded.

“You were coming over and I didn’t want to get off the couch when you knocked,” Clarke muttered pausing the show.

“Still -”

“Oh my god, fine,” she said and got off the couch and walked toward the small bowl on her counter that held her keys and pulled one out. She walked back over to Bellamy and handed it to him. “So you’ll stop yelling at me.”

“I did not yell at you,” Bellamy whispered as he took the key.

“Well, you have that disappointed dad lecture down.”

Bellamy smiled at her and pointed at the bag on the table. “Your food.”

“Thank you.” Clarke took the bag.

“You have the day off tomorrow right?” Bellamy stood right in front of Clarke.

“Yeah.” Clarke stepped closer to him and she watched him swallow.

“Then I will see you the day after that.” Bellamy awkwardly placed a hand on Clarke’s shoulder. Clarke looked at his hand then up at Bellamy. “Goodnight.”

He walked out and locked the door behind him.

Clarke glared at the bag in her hand. She pulled the ice cream from the bag and walked to the kitchen to grab a spoon. Retaking her spot on the couch she turned the show back on and ate the ice cream.

The next morning Clarke woke up still on the couch clutching the empty container with a pop up on her screen asking if she was still watching. 

She got off the couch and threw the pint away before grabbing a jacket and walking over to Bellamy’s. 

He answered the door rather quickly after the first knock.

“Is everything ok?” He asked once he saw who it was.

“Yeah, we just-” Clarke pursed her lips “- we should talk.”

Bellamy stepped to the side letting her in. Clarke walked past him and he closed the door behind her. She stood there awkwardly knowing that they needed to talk about the logistics of having a kid together but not sure on how to broach the subject.

“What are we going to do?” Clarke asked.

She turned around so she was facing him. He tilted his head and gave her a confused look.

“What do you mean?” He asked.

“When the baby comes, we need to figure out a plan. Like who does the baby stay with? How will we divvy up the time?”

“We could move in together.” Bellamy shrugged.

“What?” Clarke scoffed.

“Well by that time, people will know that you're pregnant with my kid and we could just move in together so that way we don’t have to cart a baby back and forth. And you wouldn’t have to be the only one kept awake because of the screaming.”

“Ok, so we live together. Umm -” Clarke knew that she had more that she wanted to go over but her mind was suddenly filled with imagines from her dream.

“Is there anything else you wanted to go over, princess?” Bellamy walked over to her making it harder to think clearly. “Did you want me to go get you some food again?”

“No,” Clarke whispered. She straightened her back pushing her chest up slightly. But no dice because Bellamy wasn’t looking anywhere but her face. “But I do have an idea.”

“And what exactly is that?” He asked genuinely confused.

“Oh god, I’m gonna have to spell it out for you, aren’t I?”

“Princess, what is it?”

“I cannot stop thinking about having sex,” she blurted.

Bellamy gaped at her. “And what do you want me to do about it?”

“Well, you said you’d take care of my cravings -”

“Clarke,” he warned.

“If you don’t want to I get it,” she said.

“That’s not my problem.”

“Then what is?”

“It’s a bad idea.”

“And you’ve only ever had good ideas?”

He crashed his lips onto hers and grabbed her hips to pull her against him. Clarke wrapped her arms around his neck while his hands traveled to her ass. He lifted her slightly so she could wrap her legs around his waist.

Bellamy carried her to his bedroom not breaking the kiss once. 

Clarke regretted putting on a jacket, it was just one more thing to take off, one more thing to keep her from feeling Bellamy. 

Bellamy kicked the door closed behind them and finally let Clarke down. She shimmied her jacket off before pulling Bellamy back in to kiss him again. But before she could deepen the kiss he pulled away.

“You’re wearing too much,” he told her.

“So are you,” she said as she tugged at his shirt.

He pulled off his shirt and Clarke leaned back to admire him for a moment. He pulled down his dinosaur PJs leaving him in just his underwear.

“Your turn.”

Clarke stared at him as she seductively pushed the straps of her nightgown off her shoulders, letting it fall to the ground around her feet. She didn’t have a bra on so the only left on her body were her panties.

Bellamy walked over to her slowly, painfully so. He ran one of his thumbs over her nipple before taking it between his fingers and pulling gently.

She let out a whimper which made him smirk. He pushed her back on the bed and settled between her legs on his stomach.

“Bellamy,” she groaned in frustration.

“Patience princess,” he whispered. He lifted one of her legs over his shoulders. “I didn’t get to give you the attention you deserve last time.” He placed a soft kiss on the inside of her thigh making her shudder. “And I will not be making that mistake again.”

Clarke gripped the comforter under her. “Oh yeah?”

Bellamy hummed as he gently pulled down her panties.

“God, you’re such a tease,” Clarke huffed but bent both legs so he could get the panties all the way off.

“You think this is teasing?” Bellamy asked cocking his brow. “Trust me, princess, this isn’t teasing.”

“No?” She challenged and he nipped at her thigh causing her to arch her back.

“No,” was all he said before parting her folds and licking her once not breaking eye contact with her. “You’re already soaking princess, is this all for me?” Clarke nodded with a shaky breath. “Good girl.”

“How is this not teas-” she was cut off by her own gasp when Bellamy sucked her clit into his mouth. Clarke removed her hands from the blanket and grasped onto Bellamy’s hair.

He moaned into her, the vibrations sending a new wave a pleasure through her. She threw her head back and tried to lift her hips to grind into his face but Bellamy secured her down with an arm across her hips.

“Bellamy,” she whined and looked down at him and saw him looking up at her watching her. 

He pulled away and Clarke whimpered at the loss of contact. “What do you want, baby?”

“Please.”

“Do you wanna cum?” He asked teasing her with his fingers. She nodded. “I wanna hear you say it.”

“Please Bellamy, make me cum,” she said breathlessly. 

“Well, since you asked so nicely,” he smirked. 

He pumped his fingers vigorously in her and flicked her clit with his tongue. She tightened her grip on his curls feeling a familiar sensation build up in the pit of her stomach.

“Oh god, Bellamy,” she screamed. She let her orgasm wash over her as Bellamy continued to go down on her like it was his job, and it very well could’ve been. 

“You feel so good around my fingers princess,” Bellamy whispered, “makes me wonder how you feel around my cock.”

He removed his fingers from her and licked them clean. 

Clarke propped herself up on her elbows. “I thought you knew what I felt like around your cock?”

Bellamy crawled up so he was next to her face. He smirked at her. “Do you want me to stop?”

Clarke rolled them over so she was now on top of him. “Take off your boxers.”

Bellamy’s smirk got bigger as he obeyed Clarke’s demand. Once he was completely naked under her, she straddled his hips. “Wait, let me grab a condom.”

“What for?” Clarke asked and Bellamy paused. “I’m already pregnant and haven’t slept with anyone since you.”

He nodded and captured her lips in his in a sloppy urgent kiss.

She lined up his cock with her entrance and slowly sank down onto it.

“Fuck,” he groaned. She didn’t stop until she took all of him. “Princess -”

“Sorry did you need something?” Clarke whispered in his ear.

He whimpered, Clarke smirked at him. “Clarke.”

“Tell me what you need,” she whispered using his words against him.

“You’re such a tease,” he growled.

“Wonder where I got that from.”

“Clarke,” he whispered again.

“Tell me what you want.”

“I want to fuck you.”

She used her finger to turn his face towards hers. She started bouncing up and down slowly he let out a moan. Bellamy sat up and placed his hands on her waist.

“So fuck me. Fuck my tight little cunt, Bellamy.”

He didn’t need to be told twice and started thrusting into her. He kissed along her jaw then down her neck. He started palming her breast and took the other one in his mouth.

She leaned back and let out a loud moan. Bellamy moved his free hand down to her pussy and started rubbing frantic circles on her clit.

Bellamy released her breast and brought face up to hers. She cupped his face in her hands and kissed him.

She pulled away to say something but he beat her to it.

“You’re such a good girl princess, taking my cock so well.”

Clarke felt his dick twitched inside her. 

“Baby are you close?” He asked breathlessly.

“Yeah, are you?” Bellamy nodded. “Then let go. Cum for me.”

Bellamy picked up the pace on her clit and his thrusts because more and more sloppy. She felt him cum and moments later she came around his cock.

Clarke rested her forehead against his for a moment before getting off him and laying down on his bed. Bellamy laid next to her. He looked over at her with a smile.

Clarke smiled back at him. “I should go.”

“So you’re just gonna use me for my body and then leave?” He teased.

She winked at him before getting redressed and walking back to her place knowing full well that wasn’t going to be the last time they did that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i'm really sorry for the badly written smut


	21. I don't know why I won't admit that you're all I want

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> is it 1:03 am? yes but it's also wednesday so i can and clearly will update now

“Can I talk to you?” Bellamy asked.

Miller gave him a look.

“Is this like a thing that I can’t talk about with other people?” Miller asked and looked at Bellamy as if he already knew the answer.

Bellamy pulled him into a supply closet and checked to make sure there was no one else in there.

“I had sex with Clarke,” Bellamy whispered.

“Yeah I know, that’s how you got me into this mess.” Miller rolled his eyes.

“What do you mean got  _ you _ into this mess? I’m the one who got a girl pregnant.”

“I’m your best friend, I’ve got your back no matter what dude. However, you give me anxiety.”

“We’re getting off track.”

“No, we were talking about your inability to use a condom.”

“I was drunk -”

“Where did y’all even have sex? No one noticed you were gone.”

“Murphy’s bathroom.” Bellamy shrugged. 

Miller broke out into laughter. He didn’t calm down for a few moments but when he did he was still chuckling. “Murphy is going to kill you when he finds out.”

“Well I’m glad I have a few months to live but you’re not paying attention to me. I had sex with Clarke.”

“Yes, that’s what we were talking about,” Miller sighed.

“No, I -” Bellamy stopped when the door opened.

Harper walked into the closet and smirked at them.

“Now this is a pairing I doubt anyone saw coming,” Harper teased. She grabbed something from the shelf, winked at the two of them then left without another word.

“Those rumors are really going to mess with some pools going around,” Miller chuckled.

“What is it with our friends and betting on who’s dating who?” 

“What were you saying before Harper came in?” Miller changed the subject again.

“I had sex with Clarke yesterday,” Bellamy said just as his pager went off. “I gotta go.”

“Wait we’re not done talking about this!” Miller called after him before the door closed completely.

Bellamy focused on his work all day. He ignored all of Miller’s texts that weren’t about work. He didn’t mean to avoid Clarke all day, it was just how life was happening. But he did actively avoid both Miller and Clarke during his lunch break.

When he got home after work Miller was standing outside his door. He lifted up a six-pack.

“You gonna tell me everything,” Miller told him.

* * *

“Ok,” Miller set down his half-empty bottle on the table and leaned over closer to Bellamy. “So she fucked you and left?”

Bellamy nodded. “I mean it’s not like we said it would be anything different. We didn’t set up any ground rules or anything.”

“Do you need ground rules?” Miller asked.

“Maybe? We didn’t talk much about what any of this meant.”

There was a knock at the door.

“It’s open!” Bellamy called.

“You really shouldn’t leave your door unlocked -” Clarke walked in and her eyes widened at the sight of Miller. “Miller I didn’t know you were gonna be here.”

“I could say the same to you,” Miller smirked at her.

“Uhh, I -”

“What are you doing here Clarke?” Miller asked and Bellamy kicked him under the table. “Ow.”

“I was gonna talk to Bellamy.”

“Oh really about what?” Miller asked. Clarke swallowed harshly. “Or did you come over here for something else? Something that doesn’t involve talking?”

“Shut up Miller!” Bellamy yelled.

“What?” Miller asked innocently.

“This is sufficiently awkward,” Clarke said, “so I’m gonna go. Miller, Bellamy. I will see you both tomorrow.”

“Sure thing princess,” Bellamy said softly and Clarke gave him a look before leaving.

Bellamy sat there looking at the door while Miller watched him.

“Dude,” Miller laughed, “You’re so far gone.”

Bellamy looked at Miller, his face twisting in confusion. “What are talking about?”

Miller shook his head and tipped back his beer. Bellamy continued to stare at his friend who said nothing.

“I hate you,” Bellamy muttered taking a sip of his beer.

Bellamy felt his phone buzz, he pulled it out and saw the text from Clarke.

Clarke:  **When you’re ready come and get it ba na na na**

Bellamy:  **Come and get what? And what is a ba na na na?**

Clarke:  **It’s a ba na na na Next to a BA NA NA NA**

Bellamy:  **I’ll talk to you later princess**

Clarke:  **Way to ruin the mood dude**

Bellamy:  **There was no mood**

Clarke:  ***eye roll emoji***

“Did you want me to leave?” Miller teased.

Bellamy shook his head as he slid his phone back into his pocket.

“Do you know who won the Harper/Monty pool?” Bellamy asked.

Miller pulled out his phone, opened it then handed Bellamy his phone.

There was a spreadsheet with names and guesses along with the bets.

“When did they finally get together?” Bellamy looked away from the phone to Miller who shrugged. “I’ll ask Clarke.”

“Of course you will,” Miller muttered.

“Do you have something to say?”

“I do, but you’re not ready to hear what I have to say because you’re not ready to admit your feelings for Clarke.”

“I don’t have feelings for Clarke,” Bellamy huffed.

“I know ya don’t,” Miller deadpanned.

“I don’t!” Bellamy insisted as he sent a quick text to Clarke.

“I’m not fighting you on it!”

Bellamy glared at him for a moment.  “I’m not saying I do, because I don’t, but even if I did have feelings for Clarke it would be in a friendly sense. It’s not like I can hate her she is the mother of my child.”

“Ya know what I get it because I too jump at the chance to fuck my friends when they ask me to. In fact, Bellamy, take me right now.”

Bellamy was about to say something when Clarke walked back into his apartment.

“Why do you need to know when Harper and Monty started dating?” Clarke asked as she made her way to the table. She grabbed a beer and sat down. Bellamy watched her in horror, he looked over to Miller who had a similar expression on his face. Clarke’s eyes bounced between the two men. “Oh fuck.”

Clarke slid the unopened bottle back toward the pack.

“You haven’t had anything to drink have you?” Miller asked in a low voice.

“No, I just forgot for a moment.” Clarke sat back in her chair. “They started dating right before Halloween. Why?”

Bellamy glanced at Miller’s phone and cursed under his breath. Miller grabbed the phone from Bellamy.

“What?” Clarke asked.

“Octavia won?” Miller set his phone down and glared at Clarke.

“Why are you glaring at me? It’s not my fault!” Clarke defended herself and Bellamy scoffed.

“They were set on the slow burn track, and they were gonna get together at new years,” Miller pouted.

“You sound so sure of that when really they would’ve gotten together right before Christmas because Monty couldn’t take it anymore and blurted it out and then ran before Harper had a chance to say anything,” Bellamy told him.

“No, they would’ve shared a kiss at midnight on New Years and then stared at each other in a gross sappy way,” Miller said.

“Well, both of you idiots are wrong and so incredibly sappy. It’s truly gross.” Clarke tapped her fingers on the table. “And not that it matters but Bellamy was a little right.”

“Ah-ha!” Bellamy exclaimed.

“How?” Miller asked.

“Well, Harper went up to Monty asked him out and before he could answer she ran away.”

Bellamy shot Miller a smug look. “I win.”

“But you didn’t your sister did,” Miller pointed out. “Is it bad that I don’t want to tell her because then we’d have to hear about it for the rest of time.”

“Why is it your job to tell Octavia?” Clarke asked.

“Because Harper and Monty won’t tell us, so we had no idea who won -” Miller said. 

“Until you told us,” Bellamy finished. “And now that we know everyone has to know it’s the rules.”

“Not to worry though you two are safe because of HIPAA,” Miller took another swig of his beer before adding, “Murphy’s head’s gonna explode when he realizes that you two did it in his bathroom.”

“What were you talking about before I came in?” Clarke asked suddenly changing the subject.

“You and Bellamy fucking each other’s brains out.” Miller winked at Clarke.

Bellamy choked on his beer and Clarke stared at him. Bellamy shrugged to which Clarke shook her head.

“You two are idiots.” And with that Clarke got up and left.


	22. Stay with me, I'm waking up late drinking all my fears away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> there's a panic attack in this chapter

Clarke leaned against the wall in the abandoned exam room in the basement. The paint was chipping off the wall, there were a few forgotten papers, strewn on the floor and the only thing that kept it from looking like a horror movie was the fact that the single working fluorescent light wasn’t flickering.

Clarke knew she’d be waiting here a while and she wasn’t worried about missing a page because she was supposed to be doing research today.

“This place is impossible to find,” Bellamy stated as he walked through the door.

“That’s kind of the point,” Clarke told him. Her focus was on the callouses she had on her hands. They were disappearing, she’d only gotten them because while she was in Florida she had been going to the gym semi-regularly and hadn’t really gotten a chance recently.

“Oh is it?” Clarke looked up at Bellamy who had a teasing smirk on his face as he crossed the room to her and left a wet kiss on her neck.

“Blake,” Clarke meant for it to come off as a warning but it sounded more like a moan, “Miller will be here soon.”

“How soon?” Bellamy asked but continued to kiss her neck.

“Probably 20 minutes, he has to find a way to sneak one of the portable ultrasounds down here.”

“That’s more than enough time.” 

“For what?”

Bellamy slid his hand under her scrub bottoms and gently ran his fingers across the band of her underwear.

“I bet I could make you scream down here and no one would hear you,” Bellamy said his breath tickling her ear.

> _ “I bet no one would be able to hear your scream down here.” _

Clarke’s eyes snapped open. It all happened at once, suddenly her heart was pounding so hard she felt as if it would jump out of her chest, it felt like there was a weight on her chest that kept her from breathing properly, and she couldn’t stop the tremors that ripped through her.

Clarke froze and whispered the smallest, “No.”

Bellamy seemed to sense the abrupt change stopped all his movements.

“Clarke?” His eyes found hers, full of worry and fear. “What’s wrong?”

“Stop touching me,” Clarke wanted it to come out stronger than it did.

Bellamy removed his hands from her body and took a step back. Clarke turned around and leaned her forehead against the wall. She barely registered the door to the room open and close again.

“Dude what did you do?” Someone, Miller probably, asked.

“I don’t know,” Bellamy answered. 

Clarke tuned them out and tried to regulate her breathing. She used to get panic attacks frequently after it happened. Over time they had slowed and Clarke had gotten good at calming herself down until they stopped altogether. She hadn’t had one this bad since New York, or was it Florida?

“Princess?” Bellamy’s voice pulled her out of her thoughts. She opened her eyes and looked at him keeping her forehead on the wall. “Hey, it’s just me and Miller, ok?”

Clarke nodded at him.

“What do you need?” Bellamy’s eyebrows knitted together.

Clarke shook her head slightly, she didn’t know but she couldn’t find the words to tell him that.

“Ok, well, do you remember the time -” Bellamy then launched into a story from their college years. When it was just her, Wells, and Bellamy left at the dorms during the last half winter break and the three of them decided to see just how many TV shows and movies they could get through on Netflix. 

He talked about how she and Wells won a lot of the fights over what to watch next because they’d gain up on him. And how a lot of the shows were so dumb they ended up using them for drinking games, which then ended with the three of them wreaking havoc at the nearest convenience store.

The memories made Clarke chuckle and she hadn’t realized that she’d calmed down until Bellamy was finished with his story.

“Feeling better?” Bellamy asked.

“Yeah,” Clarke breathed.

“Clarke?” Miller called her attention to him. Clarke turned around to look at him. “You ready for the checkup?”

Clarke nodded and got onto the exam bed.

“We should really find a different place to do these,” Bellamy whispered, “It’s really creepy down here.”

“Yeah, well you don’t even know the half of it,” Miller muttered.

Normally, Clarke would have a snarky rebuttal at the ready but she was focused solely on her breathing.

Miller continued with the checkup and Clarke answered all the questions he had. When Miller turned the sound on for the machine the softest little  _ thump-thump _ of a heartbeat filled the air. Clarke, overcome with emotions, grabbed Bellamy’s hand and intertwined their fingers.

And suddenly, all that mattered was the baby and Bellamy. Clarke made quick eye contact with Miller who had a knowing smirk on his face.

“So the next time you force me to haul this piece of shit to some obscure place, I’ll be able to tell you the gender of the baby.” Miller packed up the ultrasound and left the room.

Clarke only realized that she was still clutching onto Bellamy when he squeezed her hand.

“Do you wanna talk about what happened?” Bellamy whispered.

Clarke’s eyes hesitantly met Bellamy’s.

“At least tell me what I did to trigger you so I can avoid it,” he pleaded.

“Don’t worry about it.”

“I’m already worried about you. Clarke I -” Bellamy started. 

“It’s fine, Blake. I do think you and Miller are right about finding a different place though. If that light starts flickering it’s a matter of time before someone dies.” Clarke released Bellamy’s hand and hopped off the table.

Bellamy didn’t say anything as he followed Clarke out the door.

* * *

For the rest of the day, actually, for the rest of the week, Clarke could feel Bellamy’s eyes on her. Anytime she turned to catch him in the act he would miraculously get paged to somewhere where Clarke wasn’t. He was mother hen-ing from afar and Clarke couldn’t tell if that was better or worse than up close.

On the one hand, it meant that she didn’t have to hear Bellamy’s concerns, on the other, he was keeping his distance in every aspect.

“Are you ok?” Harper asked.

They were standing at the nurses’ station with Murphy and Echo. Murphy and Echo stopped their argument to listen in.

“Yeah, why?” Clarke looked up from the chart of her last patient.

“Because Bellamy keeps looking at you in the sad ‘I want to tuck you into bed and feed you lukewarm soup’ -” Murphy said.

“That’s oddly specific,” Echo whispered. 

“- and not in the sexy way. Which is not as much fun for those of us who are betting money on this.”

“There’s a sexy way?” Echo whispered again.

“Murphy,” Harper scolded.

“Oh, she already knows.” Murphy handed Harper a chart and the two of them left continuing their conversation.

Clarke looked at Echo who was looking back and forth between her and Bellamy.

Echo squinted at Clarke. “You know he cares about you right?”

“What makes you say that?” Clarke put the chart away and turned her attention to Echo.

“He’s keeping his distance but keeps asking the people around you if you’re ok. He’s trying to look after you in a way that you gives you what you need but he’s still around in case you need him.”

“You’re too observant,” Clarke teased.

“Yeah well, maybe I just have a lot of money riding on when you two finally get together.”

“Does anyone have it down that we won’t get together?” 

Echo laughed. “Miller did for a while but like a week ago he changed it.”

_ Fucking Miller. _


	23. Don't you blink you might miss it

**February**

Clarke sat in the on-call room on the single bed that sat in between the two bunk beds staring at the door, waiting. She’d been waiting for 20 minutes.

“Is everything ok?” Miller burst through the door.

Clarke tilted her head. “Yeah, everything’s fine. I didn’t page you for that I texted you because I wanted to talk.”

“About what?” Miller sat on the bottom bunk to her left.

“Don’t you think it’s wrong to change your bet when you have insider information?” Clarke cocked her brow.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Miller said innocently.

“Don’t bullshit me, Nathan,” Clarke spat. “I know you changed your bet a few weeks ago. So what did you change it to?”

“I’m not telling you. How did you even find out?”

“Ya can’t hide shit from me, Miller,” Clarke leaned over resting her elbows on her knees and whispered, “I know everything.”

“Oh god,” Miller whispered.

“Why did you change your bet?” Clarke asked again.

“Because I watched you two interact, and I know my best friend. And we’ve only known each other for a little bit but I like to think I know you too,” Miller shrugged.

Clarke glared at him and got up. She walked up to the door and grabbed the handle.

“Clearly you don’t know either of us because nothing is going to happen between us,” Clarke said defiantly and opened the door.

Her storm out would’ve been a lot more effective if Miller hadn’t followed her out. Right on the other side of the door was Octavia.

“Miller,” she smirked, “I didn’t know you were switching teams.”

Clarke heard Miller huff behind her. Octavia smirked as Miller walked away.

“What were you two doing in there anyway?” Octavia asked.

“Talking,” Clarke shrugged.

Octavia shook her head but let it go. “Can I get a consult?”

“Sure.” Clarke followed Octavia to the patient.

After that, the day seemed to never end. It was just one patient after another. At one point Clarke tried to sit down but the instant her ass touched the chair her pager went off. 

The day was a blur of broken tibias, ulnas, a dislocated shoulder, a hip replacement, and a meal that consisted purely of things from the vending machine on the second floor. Honestly, Clarke was a little surprised when Bellamy didn’t apparate next to her with a four-course meal.

When her day was finally over and she was about to walk into her apartment when Bellamy leaned against the wall next to her.

“Bellamy I’m not going to talk about it,” Clarke whispered.

“That’s not what I wanted from you. Let’s go for a walk.” Bellamy nodded his head toward the stairs.

“Can I at least change first?” Clarke whined.

“What’s wrong with what you’re wearing?” Bellamy looked down at her outfit.

Clarke was currently wearing sweatpants and a long-sleeved thermal shirt that barely hid her baby bump (which was just starting to become noticeable). The shoes she had on were a pair of black flats.

It was a rare day when the weather wasn’t the worst, sure there were clouds in the sky but it wasn’t super cold out and not raining. That didn’t stop Clarke from giving Bellamy a questioning look.

“My outfit doesn’t match,” she said plainly.

“C’mon,” he said as he grabbed her wrist and half dragged her down the stairs.

He only stopped dragging her when they got off the lot and onto the sidewalk of a quiet street. Bellamy had his hands shoved into his pockets, Clarke wanted to kill whoever thought that there should be some sweatpants without pockets.

“How was your day?” Bellamy asked awkwardly and Clarke stopped walking to stare at him. Bellay stopped to turn to her. “What?”

“You dragged me on a walk to ask me how my day was?”

“No,” he said with a click of his tongue. He continued walking and Clarke caught up with him. “I just don’t know how to say what I want to say.”

“Well, when you ask how my day was it sounds like we haven’t spoken in years or we’re on the most awkward first date.”

“I beg to differ, the most awkward date would be if this was a blind date set up by our friends and you and I met only to realize we were cousins.” Bellamy smiled pridefully.

“Has that happened to you before?” Clarke asked flatly.

“No,” he said earnestly.

“Really? ‘Cause it kinda sounds like this has happened to you before.”

“It hasn’t!” He insisted.

“You know I could always just ask Octavia and she’d tell me the truth right?” Clarke continued to tease suddenly glad that she let Bellamy drag her on this excursion.

“I saw it on a TV show once, I promise you I never went on a date with my cousin.”

“Are you sure you aren’t just saying that you saw it on a TV show to cover up the fact that you went on a date with your cousin?”

Bellamy huffed and lightly shoved her shoulder. Clarke overdramatized her step sideways and gawked at him.

“Stop you’ll hurt the baby!” She cried.

Bellamy rolled his eyes but couldn’t contain the smile that made its way to his face. Clarke smiled at the sight and continued walking with him.

The bright green of the evergreen trees was a nice contrast to the grey of the clouds. Clarke sniffed the air deeply, although they were in the city the air smelled fresher here than any other city she’d been in. 

“What did you want to talk about?” Clarke finally asked.

Bellamy scoffed. “Do you wanna talk about it now?”

Clarke didn’t have to ask for clarification to know what he was talking about. The day in the basement. He was still concerned about the events of that day.

She sighed heavily. “It’s fine, it happened years ago and I’ve worked through it. That day was a fluke, it only happened because I was taken by surprise. You don’t need to worry about it because it won’t happen again.”

Bellamy studied her for a moment before nodding.

“On a lighter note, you’re entering your second trimester. How ‘ya feeling?”

Clarke hadn’t realized they were already back at their building until they started climbing the stairs.

“Good, still horny as fuck though,” Clarke admitted absentmindedly as they reach their doors.

Bellamy smirked. “Well, I did say I’d take care of your cravings didn’t I?”

She raised her brows and he winked at her. Moments later they were in Clarke’s apartment shedding clothing and sharing kisses.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all can find me on tumblr


	24. Oh we're in love aren't we?

Bellamy should get up and leave, he knew that. But he looked at a still sleeping Clarke as she laid next to him and he couldn’t bring himself to move. He hadn’t meant to fall asleep but he can’t say he regretted it. She was laying on her side facing him, her long blonde hair sprawled out behind her. She was still naked and so was he. Slowly, so he didn’t wake her, he ghosted his finger over her stomach. He scooted down so his face was level with her bellybutton.

There was a small bump when she had clothes on it wasn’t visible unless you knew to look for it. Bellamy couldn’t stop marveling at the fact that, that was his baby in there.

“I can’t wait to meet you,” he whispered to Clarke’s belly.

“You stayed,” Clarke’s voice was soft and low, it wasn’t a question nor did it have any sort of bite to it like Bellamy half expected. Bellamy looked up at her resting his head on his forearm.

“Are you mad?” He breathed.

“Why would I be mad?”

“We hadn’t really talked about the terms of our arrangement,” Bellamy pointed out.

Bellamy’s hand was resting right next to Clarke’s, she moved her hand and started tracing shapes on the top of his hand.

She stared at her hand while she spoke. “I mean, I’m not sleeping with anyone else. Not that anyone would want to date a pregnant lady.”

“I think you’re underestimating how appealing you are, pregnant or not.” Bellamy watched as a blush made its way across Clarke’s cheeks. And he did find her incredibly sexy pregnant

Clarke made eye contact with him after a moment. “I don’t mind you spending the night.” It was so quiet if Bellamy hadn’t been paying attention he might have missed it.

“When do you want to start telling people?” He asked and held his breath, he was afraid that she’d take his question the wrong way, but she didn’t.

“How ‘bout this,” she stopped her fingers and Bellamy started to miss the sensation but then she just placed her hand on his, “we can start telling people after we find out what it is.”

Bellamy smiled. “I like that plan.”

“So in about two weeks.”

“Who would you like to tell first?” Bellamy asked and Clarke’s eyes went wide. “What?”

“I haven’t told my mother,” she said and Bellamy chuckled.

“Yeah, you should probably tell her first. Will she be mad that you’re having a child out of wedlock?”

Clarke laughed so hard she snorted. “Oh, she’ll be pissed but, I think my mom will be more concerned by the fact that I was here a month before I got myself knocked up, and will try to get me to move back to Florida. Me being married has got nothing to do with it. Why? Are you proposing?”

Bellamy smirked. “Trust me, princess, if I were to ever propose you wouldn’t see it coming.”

Clarke’s thumb started rubbing circles on the back of his hand. Bellamy knew he was staring, he couldn’t stop and he didn’t have a good reason why. 

“What do you think it is?” Clarke asked breaking the silence.

Bellamy pressed his lips together in thought for a moment knowing what she was talking about. “I think it’s a girl.”

Clarke started intertwining their fingers and removing them only to repeat the motion again. “Of course you do.”

“You don’t think so?”

“I don’t know what to think Bellamy, this is my first time being pregnant,” she teased, “but if I had to guess. I’d say, boy.”

“Have you thought of any names?”

“Jacob, for a boy.” Clarke looked at him, her face asking the unasked question of if he was ok with that.

“After your dad right?” Clarke nodded. “I like it.”

“What about you?” 

“I was thinking Eleanor for a girl.”

“Because of Ella?” It was Bellamy’s turn to nod. Clarke already knew her answer but she mulled over it for a moment anyway. “I like it.”

Bellamy grinned at her. As they lay there Bellamy realized that he wouldn’t mind waking up next to Clarke every morning, in fact, he’d love it. In the silence, Bellamy dared to imagine what their life could be. He could see, very clearly, waking up next to Clarke because their child decided that it was time to wake up, or sharing chaste kisses before one of them headed off to work.

“What are you thinking about?” Clarke pulled him out of his daydream.

“I’m excited and terrified, are you scared?” Bellamy asked.

“Of you being excited?”

“That and ya know, raising a kid.”

“I’m terrified of raising a kid. What if I fuck them up?” Clarke asked.

“I don’t think there’s a way around fucking them up. Besides, I’ll probably be worse than you will.” It was supposed to come off as a joke but even he could hear the genuine fear in his voice. 

Clarke took her hand and brushed Bellamy’s bangs to the side of his face. Bellamy held his breath at the intimacy of the gesture.

“I don’t know Bell, Octavia turned out ok,” Clarke whispered.

She cupped his cheek with her hand, he turned his head and pressed his lips to her palm. Clarke smiled at him and he moved his lips to her wrist and kissed her again.

“Got some plans there?” Clarke teased, Bellamy hmm’d in response.

Bellamy lifted himself up to put his face directly in front of Clarke’s. He hesitated suddenly fully aware of his morning breath. He was about to pull away when Clarke pulled him in so their lips met.

This kiss wasn’t like the others they’d shared. The other’s had been hungry, rushed. This one was soft and slow like they had all the time in the world like they would do this every day and oh how Bellamy wished they would. Kissing Clarke just felt right to Bellamy, it felt like kissing Clarke is what he was meant to do.

Bellamy shifted his body so he was hovering above her with his legs between hers. He ran his hand down her side until he got to her thigh. He lifted her leg so it was wrapped around his waist.

He finally pulled away making Clarke whimper at the loss of contact but she cut herself off with a moan when he left a trail of kisses down her neck to her chest. He gently took one of her nipples between his teeth earning a gasp from her.

He flicked his tongue across her now erect nipple before sucking on it. He felt his cock twitch but ignored it, for now.

Bellamy released her breast and continued his trail down her stomach, slowing down when he got to her bellybutton.

“Do you have a pregnancy kink, Bell?” Clarke teased.

“How can I not when you look so incredibly sexy carrying our child?” Bellamy asked in between kisses slowly moving down further.

“Are you just gonna sit there and kiss my stomach or -” she gasped as Bellamy licked her clit.

He only did it the once before sticking his tongue inside her and fucking her with it. He watched her as she brought her hand down to her clit and started rubbing circles. They were slow at first but once she started picking up speed he grabbed her wrist and forced it to her side.

She groaned and fought him a little but stopped when he removed his tongue from her.

“Is this payback from something?” She demanded but he didn’t use words to respond.

Instead, he quickly lined his cock up to her cunt and thrust into her. Clarke let out a scream of pleasure and he gradually sped up.

Clarke grabbed one of Bellamy’s hands and brought it up to her neck. Bellamy smirked, getting the hint and wrapped a hand around her neck barely squeezing.

“Do you like you like that princess?” Bellamy cooed. Clarke nodded with a whine. 

Without any warning, Clarke started to wither beneath him as she came spewing profanities and Bellamy wasn’t far behind her. With one last thrust, he unloaded himself into her.

He collapsed on the bed next to her. After a moment to catch their breath, Clarke turned to him wide-eyed.

“What?” He asked worriedly.

“We didn’t use a condom,” she said, unable to hide the start of a smile that played at the corner of her lips, “What if I get pregnant?”

Bellamy chucked. “Not my problem.” 

Clarke turned her head toward the ceiling and let out a laugh. It was at that precise moment when Bellamy finally admitted to himself that he was in love with the girl next to him.


	25. This daydream is dangerous

Clarke should be focusing on her research or starting her lesson plan for the lecture. Indra asked her to give. But try as she might, she couldn’t. All her thoughts revolved around Bellamy like a lovesick tween, but Clarke wasn’t lovesick. No, her current feelings towards Bellamy were merely a consequence of not only having semi-regular sex with him but also the hormones that his child was causing her to have.

_ How much longer are you going to blame hormones, when you know damned well this isn’t because of that? _

Answer: as long as she possibly could.

Because this was Bellamy. The same guy who refused to help her get her bags inside her first day here. The guy who teased and fought with her basically every day of undergrad.

But this was also the same Bellamy who didn’t hesitate to say he’d help with the baby when it came, who suggested that they move in together to make it easier. And when she let her guard down, she allowed herself to see a future with him, a life. The life that at one point she didn’t think could be in the cards for her.

It wasn’t like she didn’t dream about it, but at one point it seemed unattainable, and the person she was with was just nameless. But when she replaced the faceless figure with Bellamy, it was all right there.

_ Maybe it’s time to come to terms with the fact that you have feelings for him. _

Clarke rolled her eyes at herself. She’d always had feelings for him, but they’d been less than desirable, and she didn’t have nice feelings towards Bellamy.

_ Bitch, please. _

Clarke didn’t want to listen to the voice in her head, but she had a point because Clarke may or may not be falling for that idiot hard.

“Hey,” Bellamy’s voice pulled her to the present. Clarke swiveled in her chair to see Bellamy walk in with his hands behind his back. “Whatcha doing?”

Clarke turned away to hide her blush. “I’m just working on the presentation that Indra wants me to give.”

“That’s in April,” Bellamy said from right behind her. His breath tickled the back of her neck.

“And I’m just trying to get a jump start on it,” Clarke whispered.

“How long have you been working on it?” Clarke could hear the smirk he had on his face. “Because one of you interns told me that you’d been working on it all day. And this is your progress?”

Clarke stared at the open blank document; the blinking cursor mocked her and her inability to focus.

“I’ve had a lot on my mind lately.”

“Like what?” Bellamy’s hand went under her top and rested on her waist, considering that his hand has done dirtier things on her body; this contact shouldn’t affect her like it was, but it did. Her breath hitched slightly, and Bellamy chuckled at her reaction to him.

“We are at work, sir, keep your hands to yourself,” Clarke scolded.

Bellamy let out a groan and stepped away from her to walk to the other side of her desk. He stood in front of her and smiled at her. That smile gave her butterflies, and to think she thought she was having trouble concentrating before.

“Ok, so here’s the thing -” Bellamy said slowly in a way that made Clarke think he was going to admit to doing something wrong.

“What did you do?” She closed her laptop.

“Before you freak out or anything I haven’t told anyone,” he still had a hand behind his back, “But I saw this at the store -”

“What store?”

Bellamy paused and looked at the ground in guilt. “The baby store.”

“What did you get?” Clarke asked, trying to keep the smile off her face.

“This!” He beamed as he pulled his hand out from behind him and laid a small onesie in front of Clarke. It was dark blue with white wording that read ‘I refuse to nap. I’m resisting a rest.’

Clarke looked up at Bellamy who was wiggling his eyebrows at her.

“You’re so proud of yourself,” Clarke muttered.

“Oh, c’mon princess, it’s funny!” 

Clarke let out an involuntary laugh, and Bellamy looked pleased.

“It is kind of funny,” she lied, she thought it was very funny.

“Good because we were going to have some problems if you didn’t find it funny.” Bellamy shrugged.

“That would be the main source of our problems?” Clarke raised her brow at Bellamy who only shrugged again. “You’re very strange.”

“Yeah but you kinda love it.” He had no idea how true that statement was. “Alright well, some of us have actual work we need to do.” He walked back around the desk. 

“I am doing work!” Clarke insisted as she opened her laptop again.

“Sure, babe,” he mindlessly kissed her temple, “I’ll see ya later.”

“Bye,” Clarke called after him.

Clarke finally got into a grove of writing out her presentation when she stopped.

_ Had Bellamy just kissed me in a non-sexual way? Like the I-do-this-everyday kind of way, or the we’re-basically-already-married kind of way. Did he know what he did? Was it an accident? Had he thought about doing it before or was this just an instinct he didn’t hold back? _

_ Clarke focus on your presentation. _

But she couldn’t, because yet again Bellamy fucking Blake was occupying her mind.

Clarke closed her laptop she then stuffed it and the onesie into her bag and left the room.

Apparently, she’d been in that room a lot longer than she thought because it was now dark outside and everyone who wasn’t on the night shift had gone home.

“You headed out?” Echo asked as Clarke walked past the patient room Echo was just leaving.

“No, I told Indra I’d stick around until about midnight to make up for my day of research,” Clarke told her. She made her way to the attending lounge and put her bag in her cubby.

The night shift was always odd because, despite the fact that there was more than enough staff to keep the hospital running smoothly through the night, it always felt empty. 

Clarke walked over to the fridge and grabbed an apple. When she closed the door she felt a small cramp in her belly, but the moment the pain registered it was gone, so Clarke thought nothing of it and continued with her night.

She quietly checked on all her patients; only one was still awake Lissa who was using a flashlight to read her book even after Clarke told her that she could use the light in the room. After she was done with that, she made her way to where Echo was sitting and sat with her.

They talked for a while, Clarke was in the middle of a sentence when she felt the cramp again only this time it was more painful and longer.

“Ow,” Clarke gasped.

“Are you ok?” Echo asked, but Clarke sprang to her feet and ran into the bathroom only slightly aware that Echo had followed her.

Clarke braced herself on the counter. Something was very wrong, she started to see black dots.

“Clarke?” 

Clarke turned to Echo who looked panicked.

“Page Miller.” Was all she got out before everything went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you can find me on tumblr at the same user name


	26. I'll carry all the weight while we try to fix this

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter may be triggering (trigger warnings at the end)

The steady beeping of the heart monitor was annoying Clarke wanted nothing more than to toss it out the window.

_ Wait, why is there a heart monitor in my apartment? _

But, Clarke didn’t remember actually making it back to her apartment. In fact, she didn’t remember leaving the hospital at all last night.

Clarke opened her eyes to be greeted by the dimly lit hospital room. The only source of light was coming from the lamp that someone had forgotten to turn off. Which brought her attention to the body curled up in the chair next to the bed, fast asleep. Bellamy.

_ Why is Bellamy here? Why am I here? _

Just as she had those thoughts, Echo walked into the room.

“You’re awake,” she whispered and walked up to the head of the bed.

The events of last night came rushing back, and tears welled up in Clarke’s eyes. She looked up at Echo.

“Did I -?” Clarke couldn’t get out the rest of her question, but she didn’t need to, Echo understood her question and gave her a sad look, which was all the answer Clarke needed. Clarke opened her mouth to say something, but it died in her throat.

“No one knows. It was just me and Miller in the OR and a few temp nurses, and it’s 2 am now. I won’t tell anyone,” Echo reassured her.

“Thank you,” Clarke whispered, and her voice cracked.

“Miller agreed to let you go home as long as Bellamy sticks with you for a few days, there shouldn’t be any complications,” Echo continued.

“That’s not protocol,” Clarke said flatly as tears streamed down her cheeks.

“Yeah well, Bellamy doesn’t give a rat’s ass about protocol.” 

“Bellamy?” Clarke asked, looking at the man to her left.

“Yeah, Miller said that he wanted to keep you here for a day to make sure you had no complications, but Dr. Blake over there blew up at him and didn’t let up until Miller agreed to let you go home.” Echo placed her hand on Clarke’s shoulder and gently squeezed before leaving the room.

Clarke looked down at her stomach; there was still a slight bump to it, and she resented that extra skin more than she thought possible.

“Hey,” Bellamy whispered. Clarke forced herself to look at him. He was now standing right next to the bed; if he were any closer, he’d be on top of it.

“You didn’t have to come,” she said breathlessly.

“Clarke, I’m always gonna be there for you.”

“Bellamy, I -” Clarke started but couldn’t find the words to finish.

“Shhh.” Bellamy got on the bed and laid next to her. He stroked her hair to try and soothe her with his other arm wrapped around her shoulders. It was only there in his arms that Clarke finally let herself break down. Bellamy rested his forehead against the top of her head and whispered to her. Not any of that ‘you’re ok’ or ‘it’s ok’ bullshit because it wasn’t. She wasn’t. No, instead he whispered, “I got you, I’m not going anywhere,” over and over again.

Clarke clutched onto his shirt and sobbed into his chest.

**March**

Bellamy hadn’t talked to or seen Clarke in a week. The day after the incident while Bellamy was at Clarke’s looking after her, there had been no words exchanged between them. Clarke had only really needed him for that first day after, but he stayed for an extra day hoping that she would say something anything, but she stayed silent.

Now it was worse. Worse because while he’d been back at work for a week today was her first day back, and he didn’t know where they stood. He didn’t know how to ask her how she was or even if he was allowed to.

The story going around was that her IUD had malfunctioned and she fainted while at work. Which apparently had been the doing of Echo, he’d have to remember to thank her at some point. 

But right now, he was stalking Clarke; there was no better term for it. Bellamy had no reason to be in the Gyno wing, but he was. He was sitting at the nurses’ station sinking lower into his chair as he watched Clarke go by, closely followed by Miller. At least now they didn’t have to sneak around to do the check-ups.

Bellamy watched as they walked into an exam room. Miller made eye contact with him briefly before walking in behind Clarke.

He should leave; he should get up and walk away. But what he truly wanted was to go into that room and hold her hand.

“You need to back off.”

Bellamy turned in his chair to come face to face with Echo. “But -”

“No,” she cut him off, “She needs time, and you know how mad she’ll be if people start to notice you hovering.”

She was right if people noticed Bellamy hovering it wouldn’t take long before someone put two and two together.

“I just wanna know how she is, but she won’t talk to me,” Bellamy sighed.

Echo bounced on her toes for a moment. “I’ll look out for her, but you need to give her space. Trust me, your whole mama hen thing isn’t going to help her get better any faster.”

“Ok,” Bellamy agreed and got up from the chair.

“If she needs you, I’ll let you know, ok?” Echo smiled at him sadly, and Bellamy nodded as he walked away.

For the rest of the day, and many days to follow, Bellamy kept his distance from her. Such a thing was harder when he was at home and knew she was too. 

There were many times when he would stand right outside her door ready to knock, but then he’d stop himself hover for a second; utterly unaware that Clarke was standing on the other side of the door knowing that if he did actually knock one of these days, she wouldn’t hesitate to open.

A week later, Bellamy overheard a conversation he wished he hadn’t.

Bellamy was sitting with his back to a table in the cafeteria and behind him was a conversation going on between two interns, Bellamy didn’t know their names.

“Smash or pass, Griffin?” The first one asked.

Bellamy rolled his eyes.

“Smash obviously,” the second one answered. “Have you seen her tits? Like they were good before, but recently they’ve been like -”

The first boy hummed in agreement. “Oh, believe me, I’ve noticed. And I would love to destroy that ass.” 

Bellamy could feel himself getting pissed. He wanted to say something but Clarke wouldn’t want that. He knew that. Because if he said anything, people would start talking about them, and he didn’t want any more attention on Clarke than she already had.

“I’m going to take this time to remind you, murder is illegal,” Miller muttered as he sat down in front of Bellamy.

“Just shut them up, please,” Bellamy all but growled.

Miller stood slightly and chucked a pen at them. “Hey, Cooper! Where are my labs?”

“Sorry Miller,” one of the boys called and Bellamy heard the scrapping of chairs behind him.

Miller sat down and gave Bellamy a once over.

“Thank you,” Bellamy sighed.

“Dude,” Miller chuckled.

“Shut up.” Bellamy got up from his seat and stalked off.

“I didn’t say anything!” Miller yelled after him and got the finger in response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: miscarriage, vague medical talk


	27. I know we didn't end it like we're supposed to

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry about the last update, kind of

Clarke was getting back into the rhythm of things. She knew she was being more distant than usual, but she couldn’t find the energy to change that. 

If she was being honest, she was surprised that Bellamy hadn’t been hovering more. Or at least mother hen-ing once again from afar. 

But perhaps he was, just not in the way Clarke had been expecting because not one person had said anything to her about her recent behavior, and there were no rumors spreading about her random hospital stay a few weeks ago.

Clarke was in the middle of checking a chart when she caught sight of someone out of the corner of her eye. She handed the chart to the nurse that was standing next to her. 

Clarke followed him down the hallway from a distance and watched him walk into Indra’s office.

“Oh shit,” she muttered and continued on her path until she was past the chief’s office.

She was power walking, and people were parting like the red sea. It didn’t take long to find who she was looking for.

“Princess,” Bellamy said, but it wasn’t the cocky way that he had before it was softer it almost gave Clarke pause, almost.

Clarke grabbed his arm and pulled him into the supply closet right across the hall; she knew how this would look but didn’t care.

Once the door was closed behind them, she spun around and glared at him.

“Did I do something?” He looked confused.

“Did you call my mom?” Clarke asked accusatorily.

“No.”

“Did you call Marcus?”

“You’re stepdad?” Bellamy raised an eyebrow. “In what world would I call your stepdad?”

Clarke sighed and shrugged her shoulders.

“Why do you ask?” Bellamy took a step towards her, and she instinctively took a step away.

“Because he’s here, Marcus is here. And I don’t know why.” Clarke was too busy freaking out to notice the hurt look in Bellamy’s eyes when she stepped away from him. It only lasted a moment, but it was there. 

“Ok, well,” Bellamy looked around and shoved his hands into his lab coat’s pockets, “maybe you shouldn’t freak out until you know why he’s here.”

Clarke nodded and walked out the door without another word. She ran into someone on her way out.

“Sorry,” she muttered.

“Dr. Griffin,” Indra greeted. Clarke looked up to find the chief standing there with Marcus. “I was just catching up with your stepfather.”

“Clarke -” Marcus started, but the supply closet door opened, Clarke closed her eyes knowing exactly what this looked like. 

“Dr. Blake,” Indra said. Clarke opened her eyes to find Indra beaming knowingly.

“Marcus Kane,” Marcus offered his hand and Bellamy took it.

“Bellamy Blake.” Bellamy smile cooly but Clarke could feel how awkward this was for him.

“Ah, so you’re the infamous Bellamy Blake,” Marcus smiled as he released Bellamy’s hand. “I’ve heard stories about you.”

“Marcus,” Clarke gaped.

“What?” Marcus tried to hide his smile, but Clarke could see it.

“Why are you here?” Clarke asked.

“Well, I realized I haven’t seen Indra in a while, and I missed my favorite stepdaughter -”

“I’m your only stepdaughter,” Clarke said purely out of habit.

“And I wanted to take you to lunch, and according to Indra, your shift is just about over.”

“And I will let you go early,” Indra smiled.

“Bellamy,” Marcus turned to Bellamy and Clarke silently willed Marcus to just say ‘bye’ but Clarke had no luck, not today. “Would you like to join us? It’s on me.”

“He’s not a college student Marcus he’s perfectly capable of getting his own lunch,” Clarke said in a last-ditch effort to keep from having to go on the most awkward lunch.

“I know that,” Marcus rolled his eyes, “But I want to get to know you’re friends that you have here.”

“I have time for lunch,” Bellamy shrugged.

Clarke slowly turned her head and looked at Bellamy in utter betrayal. Bellamy looked at her and shrugged to which she shook her head.

“Great, go change and then we’ll get going.” Marcus turned on his heel and walked with Indra for a bit.

Once Marcus and Indra were out of earshot Clarke whacked Bellamy on the chest.

“Ow,” Bellamy gasped, “What was I supposed to do Clarke? Say, no?”

“That’s exactly what you were supposed to do,” Clarke whispered and started walking.

“Your stepfather scares me,” Bellamy whispered as he half jogged to catch up to Clarke.

Clarke gave him a puzzled look and walked to the attending’s lounge.

* * *

_And I thought Marcus meet my exes was awkward._

That’s precisely what it was, awkward. Bellamy was being a good sport; he was answering all of Marcus’ questions and at least trying to make some sort of conversation.

Clarke, however, was being no help at all. She sat there eyes bouncing back and forth between the two men like she was watching a tennis match. It wasn’t until Marcus spoke directly to her when she broke her silence.

“Are you sure you two aren’t dating?” Marcus asked, staring down Clarke. Despite not being her biological father, Marcus had that dad stare down.

“Marcus,” Clarke groaned and looked towards the ceiling.

“It’s a fair question; I saw you two come out of a supply closet together!” Marcus shrugged.

Clarke rubbed her temples with her pointer and middle fingers.

“Mr. Kane -” Bellamy started.

“Marcus,” he corrected Bellamy for the 10th time.

“Marcus, I can promise you we aren’t dating,” Bellamy said firmly. 

Clarke glanced back to Marcus, who seemed to accept that at face value but when she turned to Bellamy something flashed in his eyes. It was only there for a second and Clarke wasn’t sure what it was, but she was sure she saw it.

The rest of lunch was slightly less awkward than the first part but only slightly. And saying that Clarke was happy when it was finally over would be the understatement of the century.

* * *

_You shouldn’t be doing this._

She knew.

_Like out of all the bad ideas this one takes the cake._

Again, she knew, but Clarke couldn’t find it in her to care.

She stood in front of the window to the nursery and looked at all the newborns.

“Got any advice?” A voice she didn’t recognize asked.

Clarke looked to her left and found a man with red hair and a beard to match standing next to her. He was staring at one specific child.

“Sorry,” he apologized, “I just realized that I’m in over my head.”

Clarke watched as a tear ran down his face, the man wiped it away before it eve made it halfway down his cheek.

“Are you ok?” Clarke asked before she could stop herself. “You don’t have to answer that.”

“No, it’s just -” he paused briefly, “I lost my wife, and now, I have a kid, and I don’t know what to do.”

“Which one’s yours?”

He pointed to the baby girl two rows back. “That one. Her name is Reese.”

“She’s very cute,” Clarke smiled.

“You got one in here?” He asked, innocently.

“No, just looking at them makes me feel better sometimes,” Clarke made a face, “And I realize how creepy that makes me sound.”

“Nah, I get it. They make the world seem less scary, which is ironic because I’m terrified.” He chuckled.

“Show up,” Clarke half-whispered. She looked over at him as he looked at her, confused.

“What?”

“My advice?” Clarke reminded him, “Just show up. The majority of parenting is showing up.” 

The man nodded and looked back at his daughter. “I’m Tor by the way.”

“Clarke,” she looked back to Reese, “You’re gonna be a good dad.”

He opened his mouth, probably to contradict her, but a nurse got his attention and pulled him away.

Clarke went back to looking at the babies.

* * *

Bellamy stood at the end of the hall, Clarke was at the other end staring into the nursery standing next to a guy talking to him. It wasn’t long before the guy walked away. Bellamy was sure that Clarke would walk away, but she stayed.

He walked up beside her. They didn’t say anything for a moment.

“That guy just lost his wife and has a new daughter,” Clarke said softly.

“Oh,” Bellamy breathed.

“He’s gonna be a good dad.”

Bellamy looked at her. “What makes you say that?”

Clarke shrugged. “He reminds me of you.” Clarke looked at him. “You gonna be a great dad someday.”

Clarke smiled at him and walked away before he could say anything back. 

Bellamy watched as she walked away and almost ran after her. Almost.


	28. If I turn the music loud just to drown you out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so those last two chapters yeah?

“Are you sure you wanna go?” Echo asked from her seat on Clarke’s toilet.

Clarke glared at her through the mirror as she applied her mascara.

It was the end of March and Clarke was ready to have some fun, finally. Which is why when Harper invited her to a club that he friend had just opened, Clarke practically jumped at the chance to go. 

Echo had come over to get ready with Clarke, and by that Echo clearly meant that she’d come over and watch Clarke get ready seeing as she already was. She was wearing a short skin-tight skirt and a crop top all black.

Clarke was in jeans that were cuffed just above the ankle and a light blue blouse.

“When did you get your haircut?” Echo asked.

Clarke ran her fingers through her now short hair and shrugged.

“A few days ago, I just needed a change.” 

“I like it,” Echo smiled and then looked at the ground, “Has Bellamy seen it?”

Clarke rolled her eyes and continued doing her makeup. 

“I’m just saying -”

“Well stop saying,” Clarke cut her off, “I just want tonight to be fun. I need fun.” 

Echo studied Clarke for a moment before nodding her head. “Then let’s have some fun.”

* * *

Clarke had forgotten just how loud clubs were. Clarke couldn’t hear herself think over the bass. She was already a few shots deep despite the fact that they got to the club less than an hour ago. 

The club, name: Frikdreina, was owned and operated by Harper’s friend Emori, but apparently, everyone knew her. According to Echo, Emori and Murphy were ‘dating’. Which Echo, as explained, meant that Murphy was trying to deny his feelings for Emori, but she wasn’t having any of it.

If Clarke had been in a better place she might have tried to get to know the girl, but right now, Clarke was drinking to forget, or at least distract herself.

Echo had taken it upon herself to keep her wits about her and stand off to the side, keeping an eye on the others. Octavia, Harper, and Clarke were on the floor dancing to a song that Clarke didn’t recognize.

After about five songs Clarke slowed to more of a sway and took in her surroundings. From the corner of her eye, she thought she saw -

_No. That couldn’t be him; he was in Florida. Wasn’t he?_

Clarke looked back to where she thought she saw him, but he wasn’t there. Abruptly, Clarke left the two women and went back to the bar and ordered another drink, or two. Echo stood next to her and watched her down the doubles.

“Do you wanna slow down maybe?” Echo asked. Clarke gave her a mind-your-own-business look before getting yet another drink. “Clarke -” she warned as Clarke threw back the shot.

A few moments later, Clarke hit _that_ point in the night. The point of the night when the alcohol in her system no longer made her carefree but shut the fun part of her brain down, and all she wanted to do was wallow in her sadness.

“Ok, girly, let’s get you out of here,” Echo said in her ear. Echo waved over to Octavia and Harper, who seemed to get the message and started to move over to them, but Echo shook her head, and they went back to dancing.

Echo had her halfway to the door when someone else put their arm around Clarke’s waist. Clarke looked up at the newcomer.

“Bellamy?” She gaped.

“Hey, princess,” Bellamy smiled, “how ya feeling?”

“Drunk,” she answered plainly, and Bellamy chuckled.

Once they got to the door, Clarke revealed in the fresh air hitting her skin for all of ten seconds before she got too cold.

_Why did I ever move to Portland?_

“Is everything ok?” The bouncer, who’s name Clarke couldn’t remember, stopped the three of them and looked to Echo.

“Everything’s fine, Nyko,” Echo waved him off. He looked them over one last time before nodding and stepping away. Echo turned to Bellamy. “You got her?”

“Yeah, thanks for calling.” Bellamy shifted, so most of Clarke’s weight was now on him.

“Yeah, now I gotta go make sure that the other two don’t get into any trouble,” and with that Echo disappeared back into the club. 

Bellamy led her down the block to his car and put her in the passenger seat. She leaned her head against the cool glass of the window, suddenly nauseous. When Bellamy had finally gotten in and started the car, she opened the window and took deep breaths in an attempt to keep from getting sick.

“Let me know if I need to pull over,” Bellamy said, and Clarke nodded her head, not trusting herself to speak. Bellamy turned on the radio, and the soft sound of a guitar filled the car.

They didn’t speak the entire way home. 

Once they got back to the complex, Clarke tried to climb the stairs, which was harder than she remembered. She’d made it up, maybe two steps before Bellamy stepped in and helped her, again.

Clarke was a lot more drunk than she thought because she fumbled with her keys and dropped them about three times before Bellamy grabbed them from her hands and unlocked her door for her.

“Thanks,” she murmured.

“It’s no problem.” He placed the keys back in her hand and looked her over. “Do you want some help getting to bed?”

Clarke wanted to say something witty, normally this would be the part where she said something witty, but all she could manage was a noncommittal noise which Bellamy took as a yes. Thank god too, because she tripped on her own feet trying to take off her shoes.

Bellamy stood close but averted his gaze as she took off her pants, kicking them to the edge of the room. She kept her blouse on but removed her bra and climbed into bed. He then walked away, and Clarke was going to call out after him, but she heard her sink turn on and a few of her cupboards open and close.

He returned with a glass of water.

“Take these,” he ordered and held out an open palm with two aspirin in it. Clarke lazily opened her mouth, Bellamy rolled his eyes but put them in her mouth and held the glass to her so she could take a drink.

“Bell?” Clarke shifted, so she was on her side.

“Yeah, princess?” He set the glass down on her bedside table.

“Thanks for taking care of me.”

“Any time.” He started to walk away, but she stopped him.

“Will you stay?” 

“I’ll just be across the hall, and I can come check on you in the morning,” he offered, but Clarke frowned.

“I don’t wanna be alone,” she admitted, “Ever since -, I just feel like I’m always alone.”

“How ‘bout this, I’ll go change and then I’ll crash on your couch that way if you need anything in the middle of the night all you have to do is holler at me.” 

“Ok,” she said, not completely happy, but she’d take it. She snuggled deeper into her pillow, and her eyes fluttered closed. “I’m sorry I lost our baby.”

Bellamy froze and stared down at her. “It wasn’t your fault.”

“It feels like it was.” Clarke didn’t hear his reply because she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

Clarke woke up the next morning with a killer headache and little to no memory of what had happened the night before until she rolled onto her side and caught a glimpse of the glass of water sitting on her nightstand. Then the tail end of last night came back to her.

She got out of bed and walked into the kitchen. She looked over to the couch where Bellamy was laying in a starfish position with his right arm bent over his head. 

_That cannot be comfortable, especially on that piece of junk. I should really get a new one._

Clarke was still staring at Bellamy when his eyes opened. He stretched a little letting out a small yawn before sitting up.

“How’d you sleep, princess?” He asked his voice a little rough from sleep.

Clarke ignored the way her heart fluttered at the sound. “Fine, ya know you didn’t have to stay.”

“You asked me to.” She’d forgotten that part. “Besides I had plans to make you breakfast before you got up.”

“I can go back to bed,” she teased, pointing her thumb over her shoulder towards her bedroom, “and then you can bring me breakfast in bed if you feel so inclined.”

Bellamy smiled at her.

“What?” Clarke lowered her hand to play with the hem of the blouse she hadn’t taken off. She then became painfully aware of her lack of clothing.

“Did you cut your hair?”

“Yeah,” she said slowly, she hadn’t realized how scared she was for his opinion until that moment.

He nodded his head and looked at it again. “I like it.”

“Thanks.” A blush crept to her cheeks. 

“Why don’t you go take a shower, and I’ll get breakfast ready.”

“Are you saying I stink?” Clarke clutched her chest in faux hurt.

“Yeah, I can smell the booze from here,” Bellamy pinched his nose.

“Fine,” Clarke lifted her chin in a childlike manner, “but I want blueberry pancakes.”

“Do you even have the things for blueberry pancakes?” Bellamy asked.

Clarke turned on her heel and walked into her room to get to the bathroom after giving him a shrug.


	29. I'm being followed by the rain clouds

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warnings at the end

**June**

“Has someone paged Ortho?” Bellamy asked in a less than calm voice.

“I’m here!” Clarke’s voice sent a wave of relief through Bellamy for a moment before the monitor started beeping like crazy. “What happened?”

Bellamy quickly glanced to Cooper, who was standing next to him holding a retractor. Clarke got her gloves on and looked to Cooper with fire in her eyes.

“What happened?” She demanded.

“I - I -” Cooper stuttered.

“He didn’t check the full extent of her injuries before bringing her up,” Bellamy sneered. “She has a dislocated hip that we didn’t know about until she started bottoming out.”

“Are you fucking kidding me,” Clarke muttered. 

Bellamy went back to focusing on the bleeders that were not stopping. He was focused on the child on the table until Clarke ordered them to stop for a moment.

“Clarke -” Bellamy started.

“Bellamy now!” Clarke demanded. He looked at her and took his hands out of the patient, and Cooper followed. Clarke and someone else in the room pulled on the cloth, and with a pop, the girl's hips were back into place. “Go.”

Everyone got back to work.

* * *

Bellamy ripped his scrub cap from his head and grasped the scrub sink to lean on it. Clarke was scrubbing out next to him.

“Good save in there,” Cooper said. 

Bellamy’s blood ran cold with rage, very faintly he heard Clarke let out an exasperated sigh.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Bellamy said through gritted teeth. “The only reason we needed a ‘good save’ was because of you!”

Bellamy took a step towards him, but Clarke stopped him with her arm.

“Blake,” she warned.

Bellamy looked at her and started scrubbing out.

“Thanks,” Cooper whispered.

“Shut up Cooper,” Clarke turned to the young intern. “He’s right if you’d done your job we wouldn’t’ve had that problem in there.”

Bellamy looked over at Cooper who was very obviously checking out Clarke. That was the straw that broke the camel’s back. Bellamy lunged for the boy, but Clarke stopped him again.

“Take a walk, Blake,” Clarke ordered. He looked at her and aggressively grabbed a towel to dry his hands. He slammed the dirty rag into the bin and stalked out the door. Before it closed, he could hear Clarke laying it on thick to the poor sucker. “You’re lucky that Bellamy and I are as good as we are because that could’ve ended differently. If you ever pull shit like that again -”

The door closed and Bellamy walked the halls.

Bellamy ran into Indra who was walking with a man he’d never seen before.

“Bellamy,” Indra waved him over, “This is Scott Walden, he’s in town for a conference and is interested in moving here. Scott this is Bellamy Blake head of pediatrics.”

Scott held out his hand and offered Bellamy a charming smile. “Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise,” Bellamy said and shook his hand once.

Bellamy could tell that Scott thought he was charming, and maybe he was to other people, but to Bellamy, it came off as sleazy. He didn’t like the vibe he got from this new guy but gave him a friendly nod.

“See ya around,” was all Bellamy said as he walked away.

* * *

Clarke was trying to follow what Octavia was saying, but the story had gotten too complicated, and there were too many new characters involved, and she’d already stopped herself from adding a detail she missed, and Clarke was thoroughly confused.

“And then Jenny shot him in the leg with the gun,” Octavia said a little too casually.

“Where did she get the gun?” Clarke asked.

Octavia gave her a look. “From Charlie.”

“Oh,” Clarke said and nodded like she followed the story. She had not.

“Excuse me,” a voice that made Clarke go rigid came from behind her.

“Can I help you?” Octavia asked, giving Clarke the smallest side-eye.

“Yes, I was looking for Indra,” Raven said, that’s who was behind Clarke. Clarke had been hoping that if she stayed really still Raven would notice her standing here. Clearly didn’t that didn’t work. “Clarke?”

Clarke rolled her eyes before putting on her best fake smile and turned around.

“Raven.”

“So this is where you ran off to -” Raven looked around the hallway then back to Clarke, “- you’re good at that — running away. You did it in New York, then again in Florida. Which is weird because I don’t think your mom knows.”

“I didn’t run,” Clarke lied.

Raven clicked her tongue and tilted her head. She opened her mouth to say something else, but Clarke cut her off.

“Indra should be in her office, which is on the second floor in the west wing right after Derm.” Clarke smiled one last time and walked away if Raven was here that meant that Thalia wasn’t far behind and Clarke did _not_ want to face her either.

The rest of the day, Clarke expertly ducked through the halls avoiding both Thalia and Raven.

What she couldn’t figure out, for the life of her, was why they were here. It wasn’t like they were both a part of the same specialty. Thalia was general, and Raven was Ortho, but it seemed like everywhere one went the other followed.

Clarke only had 30 minutes left in her shift, and really the only reason she was still around was in case a patient came into the ER. So she was sitting on the front desk of the ER spinning in a chair.

“Ya know,” Bellamy rolled next to her, “If you wanted to earn your paycheck, you could actually do some paperwork I know you’re behind on.” 

Clarke gaped at him. “How dare you, sir, I am up to date on my paperwork.”

“Sure you are, princess,” Bellamy said.

Clarke flipped him off and continued spinning in her chair.

“What are you doing tonight?” 

Clarke stopped spinning and used her toes to spin the chair to look at him. “Why?”

Bellamy shrugged. “I’m being friendly.”

Clarke furrowed her brows together and gave him a once over.

“I can be friendly! Like got a hot date?” Bellamy looked at his hands at the last question.

“You’re so weird,” Clarke whispered.

Clarke started spinning again, and from the corner of her eye, she saw Bellamy roll his eyes at her. Suddenly, she stopped and glanced over to where Indra was standing with Thalia, Raven, and -

But this wasn’t like at the club a few months ago, she wasn’t drunk, and he didn’t disappear. No, he was here, and he was talking to Indra.

“Shit.” Clarke stumbled out of the chair and ran in the opposite direction.

_What the fuck is he doing here? Does he know I’m here? Well if he didn’t before, Raven’s definitely told him. He wouldn’t come looking for me, right?_

“Dude,” Murphy said and put a hand on Clarke’s shoulder, “you good?”

Clarke nodded and looked at her watch; her shift was officially over.

“I’m just ready to go home,” she lied, and Murphy nodded.

“Lucky asswipe,” he muttered and walked away.

Clarke hurried back to her locker and retrieved her things. She felt a little bad for blowing off Harper who was trying to ask her a question about hanging out soon, but she lied and said she wasn’t feeling well so they’d talk about it soon.

Clarke made it home and slumped onto her couch. She tried not to think about him, but it was hard knowing that he was near.

“Good,” Clarke’s attending nodded in approval as he watched her finish up her surgery. He’d come to make sure she had it, which she was a little bit grateful for seeing as how it was a tricky surgery.

 

> Clarke finishing up her fellowship at Ton-DC a hospital in New York. Her mother had tried to get her to do her residency and fellowship at her hospital in Florida but Clarke didn’t want people to think that she only got where she was today because of her mother.
> 
> After the surgery Clarke was in the basement doing research, it was the quietest place in the hospital but people knew where she was if they needed to find her. Most of the time it was only Thalia who bothered her down here. But today it was her attending, Dr. Walden
> 
> He walked into the room and smiled at her. She awkwardly smiled back.
> 
> Thinking about it, she wasn’t sure they’d ever been alone in a room together. It wasn’t like she didn’t like him or anything, it just hadn’t happened. When she first got to Ton-DC she heard rumors that he liked to hit on the residents but he’d never hit on her so she didn’t think about it. 
> 
> “Whatcha working on?” He was very close to her. Clarke hadn’t realized just how close he’d gotten to her.
> 
> “I was just looking up new techniques for joint replacements, I like to see what’s new in the world and I had a spare moment.” Clarke shifted slightly to put a little space between them without making it obvious.
> 
> Dr. Walden placed his hand on Clarke’s shoulder making her feel instantly uncomfortable. “You are such a good student, has anyone ever told you that?”
> 
> Clarke stood and stepped out of his grasp.
> 
> “What’s wrong, Clarke?”
> 
> Clarke backed away from him afraid to take her eyes off him and ran into the wall. She glanced at the one and only exit in this room, it was on the opposite side. When her attention was back on him, he was less than a foot away from her.
> 
> “Dr. Walden.” It was meant to come off as a warning but it sounded more like a plea.
> 
> “You really should call me Scott, unless that’s a kink of yours,” Scott smiled and before Clarke could say anything, he crashed his lips onto hers.
> 
> She froze for a moment, not even a second before she started to try and push him away but he held her so close and aggressively, so much so that Clarke knew that he was bruising her.
> 
> He pressed her back into the wall and pulled back slightly, “I bet no one would be able to hear your scream down here. Oh, Griffin, you and I are going to have so much together.”
> 
> “Please,” Clarke whispered weakly.
> 
> “You know I love begging,” Scott smirked and shoved his hand down her pants.
> 
> “Stop,” Clarke tried to be louder and stronger but her voice wasn’t listening to her.
> 
> Just as Clarke was going to give up and let it happen, the door opened. Scott stopped shocked that anyone was even down here, he pulled his hand out of her scrubs and Clarke pushed him away from her.
> 
> “Clarke are you working through your lunch again?” Thalia walked through the door with two lunch trays. She stopped and looked at the scene in front of her and scoffed. “Is this why you get all the good cases?”
> 
> Clarke wanted to tell her ‘no’ explain exactly what was going on here. But it was her word against a well-respected attending. So she did the one thing her mind was able to tell her to do, she ran. 
> 
> She ran past Scott, pushed past Thalia and ran through the hospital to find a place to hide.

There was a knock at Clarke’s door, and she had every intention of getting up to answer it but she couldn’t. She was paralyzed. 

Her heart was pounding, and the invisible weight on her chest was making it hard to breathe. Clarke dug her nails into the flesh of her palm, a feeble attempt to ground herself. 

“What happened?” Bellamy’s voice was distant to Clarke, but when she opened her eyes, he was standing in front of her. He slowly crouched down, not breaking eye contact.

“I - I - There -” Clarke gasped.

Bellamy put his hand out towards her almost touching her before he slowly pulled it back. Clarke tracked his outstretched hand and grabbed onto it before she thought better of it. Bellamy shifted his hand, so he was holding onto hers.

“Princess,” Bellamy said softly, and Clarke’s eyes snapped to his, “Match my breathing. Do you think you can do that?”

Clarke nodded slightly. Bellamy started taking deep, slow breaths, at first it was hard for Clarke to match them, but after a few minutes, her breathing evened out, and her hand relaxed in Bellamy’s.

“Do you wanna tell me what happened? Or would you like to be distracted?” Bellamy asked cautiously. 

Clarke studied him and debated it. She nodded and sat up straight, not letting go of Bellamy’s hand. Slowly and carefully, she started telling him the story of what happened in New York.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: panic attacks and sexual assault


	30. I never learn, at least I did one thing right

“And neither Raven or Thalia did anything about it?” Bellamy asked. He was tracing circles on the back of Clarke’s hand.

“They both thought that I was just trying to sleep my way up the ladder.”

Bellamy closed his eyes and squeezed Clarke’s hand. Then as if he had a revelation, he opened his eyes and looked at her again.

“Why did you leave Florida?”

Clarke shrugged and took his hand in both of hers; she was trying to distract herself by playing with his hands.

“He showed up there.” Bellamy’s breath hitched. “And he had Thalia and Raven in tow, which was the most surprising part to me. But it turns out he made up this whole story about how he and I had been secretly dating for the last part of my residency and most of my fellowship, then I did all these shitty things to him and then ghosted him. He made himself out to be the victim. So when they showed up in Florida, I quit my job and applied to work under Indra.”

“I met him today,” Bellamy whispered, unsure of if he should be telling her this, but she couldn’t be blindsided by something like that again.

Clarke looked up at him; she was less surprised than she should be. 

“He was talking to Indra -”

“He’s thinking about moving here, isn’t he?” 

Bellamy nodded.

 _That’s not fair!_ Clarke wanted to scream. _He shouldn’t just get to follow me wherever I go and force me to feel like I have to move. I just found someplace where no one knows. I just found you again._

She took in Bellamy who still looked worried. His perpetual state of being. That’s when she realized that she never actually got over those feelings that she had for him before the -. Not even a little bit. It was more like the trauma of it all put everything on hold, and now that she was getting better, they came flooding back.

* * *

Bellamy was not being shy about his mother henning today. Any time both he and Clarke weren’t working or checking on a patient, he was there. She’d find it cute if people weren’t talking.

And it was completely unnecessary. She hadn’t seen Scott or his little posse all day, whatever they were initially in town for was happening and they weren’t supposed to be at the hospital at all that day.

“Do you need me to tell Bellamy to back off?” Miller asked while he was sitting at lunch with Clarke and Echo.

“No, it’s not because of that.” Clarke stuffed her mouth of the salad she was forcing herself to eat even though what she really wanted was a burger.

“Are you sure? Because if you want me too, I can shoo him away,” Miller said, watching what Clarke assumed to be Bellamy walking up behind them. Clarke shrugged, and Miller went back to eating.

“Do you have something to say, Miller?” Bellamy asked occupying the seat next to Clarke.

“Uh yeah, I hate you,” Miller said, and Echo snorted.

“Miller,” Bellamy put his hands over Miller's, “I love you too.”

Miller flung a piece of lettuce at Bellamy’s head, but the latter dodged it easily. Echo and Clarke gave each other a look. The four of them fell into easy conversation, and after a while, a few more of their friends joined.

Everyone was more focused on their food than what Murphy was saying, but he was going off about some urban legend that happened at one of the local colleges he attended.

“Yeah long story short, this guy supposedly went around pooping in the elevators on campus,” Murphy said off-handedly. Everyone at the table stopped Murphy’s word finally catching up with everyone.

Clarke, who was sitting right next to him, cleared her throat. “Sorry, what?”

“None of you were listening to my story?” Murphy asked as he looked around the table.

“Had we known it was going to be about someone pooping in elevators,” Echo piped in, “we might have paid more attention.”

“Well, now I’m feeling petty and don’t want to tell you about the single greatest urban ledge to come from my college,” Murphy said and poked at his food with his fork.

“Ok but who thinks of that?” Miller asked. “Like any version of the truth. Who sat there and was like; you know what would be a funny thing to do shit in an elevator? Or who thinks that’s a funny story to tell?”

“What would be more disturbing, if someone just made it up or someone actually did it?” Echo wondered aloud.

“Someone actually doing it,” Bellamy said like it was obvious.

“But what if it’s like a combination of the two? Like, if someone did it while they were drunk and then someone just started a rumor that they did it in all the elevators on campus?” Clarke pointed out.

“Or if someone got drunk with their friend and offhandedly said ‘wouldn’t it be funny if people pooped in elevators’ and thus the legend was born,” Echo said.

“You guys are weird,” Monty muttered.

“Monty, listen we’re only asking the questions that need to be answered,” Clarke said, “Frankly I think it’s weird that you’re not more interested in this -”

Clarke stopped as someone walked up to the table. Everyone stopped talking and looked at what had caught Clarke’s attention.

“Clarke,” Scott smiled at her and Clarke lost her ability to breathe. He walked around the table to her, Clarke barely registered Bellamy who had tensed. “I didn’t know you’d be here.”

_Fucking liar._

“Clarke, who’s this?” Murphy asked.

“I’m -” Scott started but was interrupted by Bellamy who had shot up from his seat and punched him in the face. The force of Bellamy’s fist sent Scott tumbling to the ground. Everyone shot up from their spots.

“Oh my god!” Echo exclaimed.

“Bellamy,” Clarke said, trying to hide her smile.

“Dude, what the fuck? Why’d you do that?” Scott asked from the ground.

Bellamy sneered at him. “You know why, you shitstain.”

Clarke grabbed Bellamy’s wrist and pulled him away. She didn’t let go of his arm until they were in an empty exam room.

Bellamy flexed his hand and hissed in pain. Clarke took his hand gingerly to find it swollen.

“You shouldn’t have done that,” she whispered as she inspected his hand. “It doesn’t look broken.”

“I could’ve told you it wasn’t,” Bellamy said. Clarke rolled her eyes. She walked over to the cart, opened a drawer, and pulled out an instant ice pack. She placed it on his hand gingerly. “And someone had to.”

Clarke looked up at him. “It was still stupid; you’re a surgeon Bellamy, you need your hands to save the tiny humans. And despite the fact that it was incredibly sexy, you don’t want to cause problems with Scott; he has a way of getting everyone to view him as the victim. That’s why he’s friends with Raven and Thalia. And now he’s probably going to approach you with a ‘his side of the story’ which will be utter bullshit-” Clarke stopped rambling and took a deep breath, “-You can’t go around punching people especially when parents expect you to take care of their kids.”

“I don’t care, someone had to stand up for you,” Bellamy removed the ice pack from his hand and traced her jaw with his finger, “Even if I had broken my hand, for you it’d be worth it.”

“Punching people isn’t really something you do for other people,” Clarke whispered. She grabbed his hand and put the ice pack back on it.

“So you were going to punch him yourself?” Bellamy asked Clarke’s eyes fluttered around the room in answer. “That’s what I thought. And I’d do it again.”

“Wow, such a romantic,” Clarke muttered sardonically

“You thought it was sexy?” Bellamy half-smiled.

“I hate you.”

Their little chat was interrupted by Indra bursting through the doors.

“Does anyone want to explain to me why one of my surgeons punched another surgeon in the cafeteria? Not to mention someone who potentially wanted to work here?”

Clarke and Bellamy shared a look.

“It’s my fault,” Clarke said finally, and Indra gave her a skeptical look.

“I find that hard to believe because of the ice pack on Dr. Blake’s hand.”

“The asshole had it coming,” Bellamy shrugged, and Clarke rolled her eyes.

“Dr. Blake,” Inddra warned. 

“But he -” Bellamy stopped cold and made eye contact with Clarke.

“Umm,” Clarke turned to Indra. “I may have lied when I said the thing I was running from wouldn’t follow me here.”

* * *

Indra didn’t take her eyes off Clarke the entire time she told the story, and neither did Bellamy. This time when she retold it, she didn’t do it in as many details. 

There was silence after Clarke finished the story and Indra looked at them until her eyes landed on Bellamy.

“Did you get him good?” She asked, surprising both Bellamy and Clarke.

Clarke gave a small smile and turned her attention to the ground. Bellamy nodded.

“Good. Don’t make a habit of it and I’ll get rid of him,” Indra said.

“Thank you,” Clarke whispered.

“Does your mom know?” Clarke shook her head. “She should know. I find it hard to believe she would continue to let the man that assaulted her daughter work at her hospital.”

“I know I just -”

“I get it. But she should find out from you.” Indra gave Clarke one last look before she walked out of the room. 

After another moment of silence, Bellamy broke the silence.

“‘Incredibly sexy’, huh?” Clarke looked over and saw Bellamy’s smirk.

“Ice your hand, you have surgery later,” Clarke told him and walked away.

* * *

Clarke didn’t know why she was nervous; she shouldn’t be. It made no sense, but she was. She was pacing outside Bellamy’s apartment, waiting for him to open the door.

“Hey princess, what’s up?” Bellamy asked after finally opening the door.

Clarke didn’t speak, she just rose to her toes and pressed a kiss to his lips, too long to be a peck but too short for anything more to come of it. Despite the shortness, Clarke’s head spun, and when she pulled away, she could still feel his breath fan across her face.

Bellamy had his hands on her waist, and Clarke placed her heels back on the ground.

“What was that for?” Bellamy whispered.

“Thank you for defending my honor.”

“Your honor didn’t need defending,” he said, “but I’m happy to punch people for you.”

“Glad to know I had someone on my side today.”

“Princess, I will always be on your side.”


	31. We got a lot to learn, god knows we're worth it

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahh yes this chapter

Bellamy could see Clarke from down the hall, and he shouldn’t be doing this at work, but he could help himself. He reached into his coat pocket and pressed call.

He watched as she picked up her phone, stared at the screen, and answered.

“Hello?” Her voice came through the speakers, and Bellamy’s heart sped up.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” He asked, getting straight to the point.

“Well, I had planned on doing nothing,” she looked around the hallway; no one was paying attention to either of them, “Why?”

“Do you wanna go on a date?” He asked an instantly held his breath.

He heard (and saw) her sigh.

“Yeah alright,” she said cooly.

“Ok, well I’ll meet you at 2-ish.”

“Why so early?”

“Well, you don’t want people making money off of us, do you?” Bellamy asked with a smile.

“So we’re going out in broad daylight?” She started to tease but stopped. “I gotta go, I’ll talk to you later.”

He didn’t have time to say goodbye before she hung up.

Mere moments later, Bellamy came face to face with Thalia and Raven. A month ago he would’ve greeted them both happily, but now he sighed heavily and crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“Ladies,” he greeted coldly.

“Bellamy,” Thalia smiled, “fancy seeing you here.”

“Is it?” He deadpanned.

“So,” Raven spoke, “Our friend Scott - you know, Scott? - he developed a black eye, and we were wondering if you knew where he got it?”

“Beats me,” Bellamy shrugged half-heartedly. “But if he’s sportin’ a shiner he probably deserved it.”

Thalia and Raven made a face of mock disgust.

“Did you seriously just say ‘sportin’ a shiner?” Raven whispered before Thalia took a step towards Bellamy.

Thalia looked down at the ground with a smile that looked like it was supposed to come off as threatening, but to Bellamy, it looked more like she was passing a kidney stone. She finally looked up at him all traces of smugness gone.

“Look, Bellamy, I know you were into Clarke in college, but she changed. She always told us that she didn’t want to get any special treatment for who her mother is. But then just when she and I finally got around to being down with residency and we were about to start our fellowship-” Thalia paused and gulped.

It was a little too overdramatic for Bellamy’s taste. He rolled his eyes.

“-Scott offered to work with her one on one because he thought the work she was doing with her research was great and she started sleeping with him to further her career -”

“And then she dropped him once her mom offered her a job,” Raven finished. “I hope that you don’t think that you’ll be any different. She’ll leave you once she gets a better offer.”

Bellamy scoffed at the two of them and shook his head.

“You two are-” he paused, “unbelievable.”

“What?” Raven demanded.

“So you claim to have been Clarke’s friend but did either of you even ask her what happened?” Bellamy asked and was met with their silence. “And then instead of asking her, you just believe what the man said. A man who was and still is in a position of power, no less.”

Bellamy watched Thalia and Raven share a look.

“So thank you, for your ‘warning’,” he used his fingers, putting the last word in air quotes, “but I don’t need it.”

“Bellamy -” Thalia started.

Bellamy shoved his hands in his lab coat pocket. With a slight nod of his head, he gave them a brief, “Doctors.”

He walked away from them, hoping that he got his point across. 

* * *

The problem with Clarke is that she liked knowing things. So when Bellamy didn’t tell her what they were doing on their date, she not only was annoyed but she was stressed. She didn’t want to be over or underdressed for the date.

So she stood in front of her hanging clothes staring at her options with the all-important question: would she rather be over or underdressed?

She opted for a simple teal romper that was made from a silky material; it had spaghetti straps and an inch of lace at the bottom of the shorts with flat, nude-colored sandals.

At 1:55 on the dot, there was a knock at her door. She took one last look in the mirror. She smoothed out the front of her outfit and ran her fingers through her hair before shrugging and going to meet Bellamy.

She opened the door to find him in dark jeans, a grey t-shirt, and a light blue button-up over it with the buttons undone.

_How does anyone wear dark jeans in summer?_

Granted, the Oregon weather wasn’t as hot as Florida, but it was almost the end of June, and it was definitely starting to heat up.

They greeted each and Clarke locked the door behind her. Bellamy offered her his arm, she chuckled but took it anyway.

The car ride was quiet for about 30 seconds before Bellamy turned on his music and started singing The Schuyler Sisters (badly) at the top of his lungs. Clarke winced every time he tried to hit a high note, but he was also doing all the parts by himself, which was amusing in and of itself.

About 20 minutes later he pulled into the parking lot of arcade/bowling alley that also had laser tag.

“Seriously?” Clarke looked over at Bellamy who merely shrugged and got out of the car. 

When Clarke got out of the car, Bellamy was standing at the front of the vehicle with his arm stretched out towards her. She took his hand without a second thought, and they walked into the arcade together.

They didn’t say anything while they waited in line for a lane and their shoes, but it wasn’t an awkward silence they were just enjoying each other’s presence without fear of being a spectacle.

“I didn’t bring any socks,” Clarke said, suddenly remembering what shoes she was wearing.

Bellamy looked down at her feet. He met her gaze and pulled her out of the bowling line.

“That’s alright I suck at bowling anyway,” he said and led her to the arcade portion of the building.

They both got one of those little player cards from a machine seeing as how none of the games took coins anymore.

Clarke was always a competitive person, and there had been dates in the past where she’d try and dial it down just because she didn’t want to scare anyone off, but she didn’t do that with Bellamy. She didn’t need to they’d known each other for years, and he knew exactly how competitive she could get, had been on the opposite side of that many times.

This time was no different. Their goal was to get more tickets than the other person.

Clarke was pretty confident in her ability to do this. She’d perfected her system for getting the most amount of tickets years ago.

They started off with skee ball which Bellamy was annoyingly good at, but Clarke was better.

“How the fuck do you keep getting so many points?” Bellamy asked, instead of answering she just laughed and scored another 100 points. “I fucking hate you.”

Bellamy moved on to a different game that didn’t look too promising while Clarke moved on to the [ cyclone game ](https://images.app.goo.gl/v24BHuoGAb2a9y8YA). The one that was circular with ticket amounts and lights that went around and when you pressed the button whatever number the light landed on was the amount of tickets you got, and if you landed on the jackpot, you got the pot.

Clarke hit the jackpot twice having moved to a different spot both time, and the ticket amount was over 350. Bellamy was still focused on his game.

Clarke walked up behind him and snaked her arms around his waist. She got up on her toes and pressed a light kiss just under his ear.

Bellamy fucked up whatever the game was having him do, and he turned and glared at her.

“You did that on purpose,” he accused.

“No, I didn’t,” she said as she gave him puppy eyes.

“Bullshit,” he muttered.

After paying a few more games, they walked up to the counter to choose their prizes. Clarke ended up having the most amount of tickets and got a giant stuffed bear. Bellamy (who wasn’t too far behind Clarke) just got a boatload of fun dip and other candy. 

“What are you going to do with all that candy?” Clarke asked on the car ride home.

Bellamy looked at her with a grimace. “I’m gonna eat it.”

“You’re gonna die before you’re 50,” Clarke said under her breath but judging from Bellamy’s harumph, he heard her.


	32. I got lost in a world that was only a mile

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this fic was nominated for a BFWA modern wip so thank you and if you wanted to vote for it that would make me v happy

**July**

Bellamy was doing his best, his best to keep his eyes and hands off Clarke. But the way she would smile at him or whisper something under her breath from only him to hear made it hard.

Never had he hated his friends more than then. He also didn’t like how Clarke wanted to keep them a secret, but now she had a different reason. Now she wanted time to see if this could work. She wanted to know what their relationship could be without the pressure of outside parties continually bombarding them with questions and comments about their relationship.

“Hey asshole,” Octavia came from behind him and leaned on the counter next to him.

“Hey, O,” he greeted, not taking his eyes off the chart in front of him.

“What are you doing for the fourth?” She asked in a chipper voice.

Bellamy didn’t miss how Octavia hadn’t said ‘what are we doing’.

“Well I thought I was spending it with you, but clearly you have other plans,” Bellamy said. He signed the chart and handed it to the nurse with a smile.

Bellamy started down the hallway, and Octavia followed him.

“Well, I was gonna go over to Lincoln’s house, and I was just wondering if you wanted to come,” Octavia offered.

“Ha!” Bellamy barked out a laugh. “I’d rather not third wheel with you and your boyfriend. I’ll find something else to do.”

“I don’t want you to be alone,” Octavia said.

“Stop worrying about me,” Bellamy rolled his eyes, “I’ll be fine. It’s the fourth of July, not my birthday or something. Even if I do end up by myself on the fourth, it’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Don’t you have a surgery to go to?” Bellamy turned to her. She stuck out her tongue and turned down a different hallway.

“You don’t have plans for the fourth?” Clarke asked sneaking up besides Bellamy scaring the shit out of him.

“Jesus.”

“Nope, just me,” Clarke smiled. “Don’t you have the day off on the fourth?”

“Yes,” he said.

He put his hands in his pockets and slowed his walk to a stop. Clarke stopped with him and nodded.

“Do you?” He asked.

“Yeah,” Clarke said, “Funny how that keeps happening. I wonder if that has anything to do with the bet.”

“You really think Indra would get in on the bet?” Bellamy chuckled.

“Yes,” Clarke deadpanned.

“Alright well, either way, don’t plan anything.” He walked away from her.

“You’re too cryptic for your own good sir!” She called after him, and he smiled.

* * *

Clarke took one last look at her Fourth of July outfit. High waisted shorts, a black tank top, and a denim jacket. Her blonde hair was still rather short, but it was starting to grow out, and she debated on putting it up but decided to just wear it down. She grabbed her purse and walked out the door.

Bellamy was waiting for her in the parking lot, but he wasn’t standing next to his Subaru. No, instead he was standing next to a motorcycle.

Clarke looked him up and down incredulously.

“I borrowed it from my buddy Roan.” He held two helmets in his hands and stretched one out to Clarke.

She took it slowly. 

“You realize these are death traps, right?” Clarke asked.

“Don’t worry princess,” Bellamy pulled her closer to the bike and helped her put on her helmet, “I’ll keep you safe.”

* * *

Clarke wasn’t afraid to admit that motorcycles scared her. She’d been around hospitals her whole life and knew enough to know that motorcycle crashes were horrifying. But damn if Bellamy didn’t look good on one.

She sat behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. The instant he took off, she held on tighter. Clarke would open her eyes every once in a while, but for the first leg of the ride, they were closed.

Once they got onto I-84 though she couldn’t get over how lovely it was. She’d never been this far outside of Portland before. There were trees and a mountain range that lined the highway. The Columbia River that separated Oregon and Washington provided a coolness to the air, a welcome break from the heat that infected the city. 

Clarke rested her head on Bellamy’s back as they drove. 

The ride was about an hour before they got to their destination.

Bellamy parked the bike, and Clarke swung her leg over it to get off.

“That wasn’t so bad, was it?” Bellamy asked with a shit-eating grin.

Clarke shook her head but couldn’t wipe the grin off her face. Bellamy slid off the motorcycle and put the helmets on the handles. Bellamy reached down and grabbed her hand. 

The simple gesture made Clarke’s breath hitch, it was such a mundane thing, but it wasn’t something they’d ever had the luxury of doing before they’d never really had the opportunity and Clarke reveled in the feeling of his warm hand in hers.

They walked down the rather busy street hand in hand. 

Clarke looked into the different shops, and every once in awhile Bellamy would drag her into one. 

Once they got to the end of the street, Clarke caught sight of an ice cream shop and gave Bellamy a look.

“Are you kidding me?” He asked, dumbfounded. “We’re literally going to have lunch in like half an hour.”

“And?” She looked at him expectedly. “I want ice cream.”

“They have soft serve at the -” Bellamy looked down at Clarke and knew that was a mistake instantly because not only did he know that he couldn’t say no to her; but she was giving him puppy eyes. “Fine, but if you’re not hungry for lunch -”

“I’m a grown-ass woman, Bell,” she grinned, “I know what I’m about.”

When they both had their ice cream, they sat in the little sitting area right outside the small shop. They watched as people walked by and talked about work and the whole secret dating thing they were doing.

After they’d finished their ice cream cones, they hopped back on the borrowed bike.

Bellamy took a different route than he’d used to get there. Highway 14 sat on the Washington side of the river, it wound with the road and was probably one of the prettiest drives Clarke had ever been on. 

She rested her head on Bellamy’s back in between his shoulder blades, her head was turned towards the river, and she watched as the mountains and forest passed them by.

The next time they stopped, it was at this little outdoor diner off exit 18. Sugarpie, as Bellamy claimed, had the best soft serve but Clarke was more intrigued by the frozen Rosé they offered.

“I bring you here for soft serve, and you get wine?” Bellamy teased mouth full of food.

Clarke didn’t say anything in response. Instead, she stared him down while taking a sip of her ‘Frozé’.

“Unbelievable,” he muttered, taking another bite of his sandwich before he’d even finished the last.

“You’re disgusting,” she told him, and he smiled. 

Once they finally hit the road for the last leg of their trip, it was starting to get dark. As they drove down the highway, people started setting off fireworks.


	33. Laugh 'cause it was only meant to be for one night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> we're so close to the end friends! AHHHHH I'm both excited and a little sad that this fic is coming to an end, more excited but ya know

**August**

They kept going on secret dates. Sometimes they would go out to a place where they were sure they wouldn’t run into anyone; other times, they would just sit on either one’s couch and watch movies.

Clarke noticed that more and more of their days off overlapped which led her to believe that someone (probably Murphy) was convincing Indra to make sure that happened.

There was one day at the end of August when once again, neither of them had to work. 

Bellamy had told her to wear something that she didn’t mind getting wet and be ready by 10 am to which she laughed and said 10:30. She opted for an old dress she found in the back of her closet.

In the midst of getting ready she did something she hadn’t done in a while, she reached into the bottom of a jewelry box she’d gotten from her grandmother some odd years ago and pulled out what she’d been looking for, and for good luck stuck it in her pocket.

* * *

Canoeing, that was Bellamy’s grand idea of a date. Not that Clarke really minded, but she found it fun to jokingly complain about having to work out as part of their date.

“Will you just trust me? Please?” Bellamy begged after the fifth ‘are you trying to say something about my body’ joke Clarke made.

“I do trust you; I’m just pointing out that this is a lot of exercise for a date,” she mused.

Bellamy, who was at the front of the boat because he knew where they were going, stopped paddling and glared at Clarke over his shoulder. She grinned at him, and they continued on their way.

The size of the lake they were on was impressive. They’d parked in a little state park that was next to the lake, but the lake wasn’t technically part of the park.

It took them another half-hour on top to get to where they were going. They stopped at a dock that led right up to a house that was big enough Clarke would classify it as a mansion.

Bellamy tied up the boat while Clarke continued to marvel at the building in front of her. Bellamy offered her his hand, and she wordlessly took it. She got out of the boat without taking her eyes off the house.

Bellamy didn’t let go of her hand while they walked up to the dock.

“What do you think?” he asked cautiously.

“It’s beautiful,” she answered, “But who’s is it?”

“Yours, well, mine, or ours,” he nervously rambled, and Clarke stopped walking. He halted and looked at her mouth, agape as if he had something more to say, but he wasn’t sure where to start.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, before you moved here I was just beginning to look for a house because I felt it was time, then we talked about moving in together, so I started looking for a house big enough for us. And -” he scoffed lightly, “I had just closed the deal on this place when -”

“When I miscarried,” Clarke finished for him.

“I almost sold it, but then we started dating and I -” he stopped himself then turned to her, “I know it’s early, and we haven’t been officially dating for that long, but there were a few steps that we took out of order so do you wanna move in with me?”

“What?” Clarke asked purely out of shock.

“Clarke you’re it for me, I can’t imagine living the rest of my life with anyone else, and honestly I don’t want to.”

“You wanna move in together?” She asked still in disbelief.

“I mean, we’d save so much money on rent,” he teased, but Clarke could see the fear in his eyes the fear that she’d say no.

“Yes,” she said, Bellamy stared at her like he wasn’t quite sure he was hearing things right so she repeated herself, “Bellamy, I’d love to move in with you.”

He beamed before pulling her to him and kissed her. 

“Do you want the grand tour?” He asked against her lips.

She nodded, and they walked up to the house together.

There was a covered porch out front there was an outdoor fireplace. As they walked in, there was a dining room directly to their left, and the foyer led to the family room.

Bellamy pointed out the different rooms and what he’d envisioned for them, and as he did so, Clarke could see the life they’d make together so clearly.

He walked her all through the house until they made their way back downstairs to the master bedroom.  In the master, there was a sitting room that looked out over the lake.

Clarke stood in the sitting room and looked out the windows. Bellamy came up behind her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her neck.

“What do you think?” He murmured into her skin.

“I gotta hand it to ya, Blake, you know how to house hunt,” she leaned back into him.

He hummed in response as he planted quick kisses along her neck. His hands began to roam.

“Got some plans there?” She teased.

“So what if I do?” He nipped at her, sending a shiver down her spine.

“Here? Now?” She asked wide-eyed.

He pushed her up against the wall and caged her in between his arms. “We just agreed to move into the house together. I think it’s only fair to the house that we break it in.”

“And the first place you want to do that is the master bedroom?” She asked, then tutted. “I thought you were more adventurous than that.”

“Do you not want to?” He slowly began to retreat, but Clarke hooked her fingers through one of his belt loops and pulled him back to her.

“I never said that.” She stood on her toes to kiss him.

She started palming him through his jeans, making him groan.

Her hands fumbled with his clasp and zipper before she finally got his pants undone.

“Princess,” he warned. 

She didn’t break eye contact with him as she slid down the wall to her knees. She pulled down his pants and underwear in one fell swoop. She wrapped her fingers around his cock and stroked it a few times before placing a kiss on his tip.

“Princess,” he said again, but this time it sounded like a plea.

She smirked and took him into her mouth. His hands grabbed fistfuls of her hair as she bobbed her head. He started to lightly pull her hair, and she moaned around his dick.

“Fuck,” he groaned.

She’d almost forgotten what he was like, the noises he made, the way he felt. Almost.

After just a few minutes he came, she swallowed most of it, but just a little bit dribbled out of the corner of her mouth.

Clarke stood and gathered the remnants with her middle finger before sucking it clean.

Bellamy kissed her collar bone as his hands slid up her thighs, moving the skirt of her dress up to her waist. Mimicking her movements from earlier, he dropped to his knees without breaking eye contact.

He quickly rid her of her panties and didn’t bother teasing before burying himself deep in her cunt. He lifted her left leg over his shoulder, flicking his tongue on her clit before taking it between his lips. He slid a finger in her pussy, brushing it lightly against her g-spot.

“Bellamy,” she cried, and it echoed through the empty house.

Clarke sighed heavily, she placed one hand in his hair and the other on the wall trying to keep herself upright, but once Bellamy doubled down on his task at hand her efforts proved to be all for naught.

Unable to stay standing any more she slid back down the wall, Bellamy didn’t let up once, he just followed her to the floor.

The familiar feel of her orgasm started to build up in her core. She tangled her fingers in his hair and lifted her hips to him. Not a second later she was a withering mess on the floor. Bellamy only pulled away once she’d come down from her high.

He crawled up to lay next to her. She smiled at him as he plopped down beside her. He looked beautiful, laying there next to her. There were unspoken words on the tip of her tongue, and she had half a mind to let them fly, but it was too soon, wasn’t it?

“Are we done?” She raised an eyebrow at him.

“I didn’t bring a condom,” he said breathlessly.

“Oh,” she whispered, that hadn’t been an issue the other times they’d been together she wasn’t used to needing them with Bellamy.

“I haven’t been with anyone else; I’m clean I just didn’t think you -”

“Oh, I’m on the pill, and I’m also clean. So if you wanted to -” she offered again.

“Let’s wait until we get home.” He smiled and lifted his hand and brushed the back of his knuckles against her cheek.

“We are home,” she reminded him.

“If you keep talking like that we’re never going to leave this place.”

“That doesn’t sound too bad,” she mused, “I guess we should tell people now.”

“Yeah, probably.”

* * *

Bellamy was [ singing ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2vjPBrBU-TM) at the top of his lungs. Clarke sat in the passenger seat and watched him belt out Sia, poorly, but still.

At a stop sign, he turned to her and sang a few words before turning his attention back to the road and waiting for a time to go.

“God, I love you,” Clarke blurted.

_That’s how you tell him you love him for the first time? Just blurt it out? Nice going, idiot._

They both froze. Bellamy slowly turned his head towards her. Clarke shot finger guns at him and turned towards the door and went to open it.

“No wait,” he laughed and turned onto the street, “What did you say?”

“Nothing,” she tried looking at the road in front of them.

“Well, that’s too bad, because I was going to say that, I love you too,” he said.

“Yeah?” She asked.

“Clarke, I just asked you to move into a house that I bought for us if that didn’t make my feelings clear, I don’t know what would’ve,” he chuckled.

“Well, typically the ‘I love you’ comes before you move in together,” she pointed out.

“You and I were gearing up to have a kid together, and that usually comes after everything else. It’s kind of our thing, doing things a little rushed and out of order.”

“Well, we’ve had people betting on when we’d finally pull our heads out of our asses and fall in love since freshman year of college, I don’t think rushed is the word everyone else would use.”

Bellamy laughed at her and Clarke looked over at him. She didn’t understand how he could look so fucking good while he was driving, it didn’t make sense, but there he was looking like a goddamn god as he drove.

_And to think there was a time when you thought you weren’t in love with him._

Clarke ignored her thoughts. She opened her mouth to tell him she loved him again.

“Bellamy!” She gasped, but it was too late, with a loud crash the whole world went dark.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> apologies for the subpar smut no apologies for the other thing though


	34. Can I lay by your side?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyway second to last part y'all

There was a continuous beeping noise that woke Clarke. At first, she thought it was her alarm, and she was about to smash her phone against the wall for waking her up from her dream. But then her brain clicked, and everything fell into reality.

She’d been here before, being awoken by an annoying beeping sound. She opened her eyes, and half expected it to be dark outside, but it was still light out, the sun hadn’t even begun to set yet.

“You’re awake,” a voice said from beside her.

She knew it wasn’t from the voice she truly wanted to hear, but even so when she looked to find the source of the voice, she was slightly disappointed when she found Miller instead.

“What happened?” She whispered.

“You and Bellamy were in an accident,” he told her, and before she had a chance to ask any questions, he continued, “You’re fine, just a bruised rib.”

He fell eerily silent, and Clarke was afraid to ask, but she had to.

“What about Bellamy?” 

Miller didn’t say anything, and the longer he stayed silent, the more anxious Clarke got.

“Miller,” her voice broke.

“He’s not good, Clarke. His side took the hit, and he’s got a few broken ribs, and his left arm is broken.”

“But he’s alive?” She let out the breath she’d been holding.

“Yes but -”

“But what?”

“He’s in a coma, they don’t know when he’ll wake up, or if he’ll wake up.”

Clarke looked up at the ceiling, trying to keep her tears at bay. Miller didn’t say anything as he lay on the bed next to her, resting his head on her shoulder. 

Clarke finally broke down into sobs. Miller didn’t move, and he didn’t say anything. He just laid there so that Clarke knew she wasn’t alone.

* * *

She was discharged the next day, but she didn’t leave. 

She stood in the hallway, at the other end was the room where Bellamy was. Her feet wouldn’t move no matter how much she willed them too. She could bring herself to walk to his room.

Everyone was whispering around her; their hushed tones were still loud enough for her to hear them.

_“What were they doing together?”_

_“Do you think it was their first date?”_

_“So who won the pool?”_

But Clarke should’ve said something to shut them up, but she couldn’t be bothered to. So she stood there numbly at the end of the hall knowing that Bellamy wouldn’t have hesitated to rush to her side. Yet here she was, unable to face the reality of her situation.

“I know you all have something better to do than stand around,” Clarke heard Murphy scold everyone.

“Clarke,” Echo came up next to her and placed a hand on her elbow. “Let’s go.”

Echo began to try and pull Clarke in the opposite direction, but Clarke didn’t budge and ripped her arm from Echo’s grasp.

“I need to see him,” Clarke told her.

“Ok, come on.”

Echo guided her to Bellmay’s room. They walked in together, and Clarke wanted to scream. But instead, she laughed as tears rolled down her cheeks.

“Clarke?” 

“This is a fucking joke,” Clarke half laughed half sobbed. “My entire life is a joke. My dad died in a car accident. Did you know that?”

“No,” Echo answered.

“Of course you didn’t, why would you? But the love of my life is in a coma and could die because we got into a car accident” Clarke noticed Echo’s very small reaction to the ‘love of my life’ comment, but she ignored it. “Right after we decided to move in together. As if I thought my life couldn’t get worse after I lost our baby! I can’t lose him Echo, not him too.”

Neither Clarke nor Echo had noticed when the door had opened halfway through Clarke’s speech, and Octavia walked in.

“You were pregnant?” Octavia’s question made Echo and Clarke turn to her. “With Bellamy’s baby?”

Clarke stared at Octavia, unsure what to say.

“When?” Octavia walked towards Clarke.

“Octavia,” Echo stepped between the two women and shook her head slightly.

“No! I wanna know why she and my brother kept a whole ass pregnancy from me!” Octavia raged.

“Because I miscarried,” Clarke told her. Octavia’s face changed from rage to something else, but before Clarke took the time to figure out what it was, she left.

Clarke didn’t stop to talk to anyone, and she didn’t slow down until she got to the parking lot. She realized she had no way to get home.

“Hey, Clarke,” Monty came up next to her hand in hand with Harper, “Do you need something?”

“Can you drive me home?” She asked.

He nodded.

Monty and Harper sat in the front seat while Clarke occupied the back. The whole ride was silent; there wasn’t even a song playing on the radio, and Clarke couldn’t tell if she liked the silence or hated it.

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Harper and Monty exchange glances.

“He’s gonna be ok, Clarke,” Monty said trying to reassure her. “He has to be.”

But Clarke couldn’t shake the feeling that Bellamy was going to die.


	35. But it ends with you and me

Bellamy had been in a coma for a week now, and Clarke had gone back to work for one day to see if that would help keep her mind off of the situation, but that didn’t work out so well. So she took time off work and didn’t move from Bellamy’s side.

Clarke played with her good luck charm that didn’t seem to be bringing much luck, but she wasn’t ready to give up on it just yet.

Yes, she knew that it was silly to have a good luck charm, but she didn’t care that much, and it hadn’t entirely failed her yet.

Harper said that he was getting better, his brain activity was looking good, and everything else was healing as it should. But Clarke wasn’t convinced that he was out of the woods yet. The thing she took most comfort in was that he didn’t need to be intubated.

“You better wake up,” she whispered, “because I can’t marry you if you die.”

She’d mostly said it to see if it would shock him into waking up, but it didn’t work as she’d hoped it would.

Murphy walked in and started messing about not really doing anything other than probably checking up on Clarke.

“What are the wagers?” She asked the nurse.

Murphy froze and looked at her. “I don’t think now’s the time -”

“Oh can it Murphy, and just tell me.”

“I had you down for getting together before October ended, but then that didn’t happen so I changed it so that it was anytime, but you’d make the first move. Fox had it down for November 15th, which is the weirdest timing, but then for Bellamy making the first move. Both Harper and Monty said you’d have sex on Valentine's day. Harper said it would be hate sex Monty said the opposite. Octavia said that Bellamy would get overprotective and then you’d end up together. Miller said that you’d get together before September, so I guess he won. Indra said you’d get caught in an on-call room,” Murphy said as he moved about the room.

“Indra was in on it?” Clarke asked.

“Well yeah, why do you think so many of your days off overlapped?” Murphy smiled at her. “I’m sorry that we bet on your love life.”

“I mean,” Clarke laughed humorlessly, “when he wakes up, maybe I’ll tell you who won.”

* * *

Later that day Clarke was pacing around the room when a groan came from the bed. She turned to see Bellamy opening his eyes. He attempted to shift in his bed, but he gave up on that when his eyes landed on Clarke.

“Hey princess,” he said softly.

Clarke called in his Doctors and stood in the back of the room as they checked him over. When they decided that he was as fine as he could be, they left the room.

The two of them were silent for a moment before Clarke broke it.

“You scared me,” she told him.

“Sorry, I’ll try not to do it again. What happened?”

“I told you I loved you and then you got hit by a car.”

He moaned, “Awesome. It’s gonna make one hell of a story later.”

“Bellamy,” she started but didn’t know how to finish.

“We’re ok; just a little banged up -”

“Marry me,” she blurted, and Bellamy looked at her in surprise before he chuckled. “That’s not typically a nice answer.”

“Look in my jacket pocket.”

Clarke walked over to his personal belongings and reached into the pockets and pulled out a small black box. She didn’t even open the box before looking back at the man in the bed.

“Will you marry me, Clarke Griffin?” He smiled.

“I asked you first.”

“First of all, you didn’t ask you demanded. Second of all, I have a ring; you don’t.” He had a smug expression on his face.

Clarke reached into her front pocket and pulled out her father’s old wedding band that she’d been carrying around with her for a week. She held it up for him to see.

“Wanna bet?” She raised her eyebrow at him. Bellamy looked at the ring then back at her and grinned.

**Two years later**

Everyone had been pissed when Clarke told them that Murphy was the winner of the pool, but they thought it was hilarious when Clarke made him give her the grant Indra had bet, which Murphy agreed to easily. When Bellamy tried to argue that he should win that particular winning both Clarke and Murphy laughed at him.

They’d gotten married a year or so after the accident.

Their friends had thrown them a housewarming party, sanctioned by Octavia and Murphy. Luckily it had happened before there was much furniture in the house because that party got a little too wild.

Now, they were completely settled in although there were a few rooms upstairs that were barren.

Bellamy was on his way home from work and Clarke was waiting as patiently as she could for him, but she really needed him to hurry up.

It felt like it’d been years before he finally walked in the door. She shot up from her seat at the kitchen island and put her hands behind her back. He greeted her with a smile and a kiss on her temple. 

Bellamy walked past her, not noticing her beaming smile. He walked into their bedroom and got out of his work clothes and changed into something more casual. Clarke stood in the doorway watching him.

“Babe, do you wanna go out for dinner?” He didn’t let her answer before he continued. “I was thinking sushi, Murphy was telling me about this place that he took Emori, and they really liked it.”

“We can’t do sushi,” she told him.

“Babe, you love sushi,” he said as he finished putting on his pants. “And you picked the place last time, and I’m really feeling this sushi idea.”

“Bellamy,” she said pointedly, “We can’t do sushi.”

“Are we on a budget I didn’t know about?” He said clearly not getting the hint.

“No, I can’t do sushi because I’m pregnant.”

This made him stop and look over at his wife.

“What?” He said a ghost of a smile on his lips.

She held up the pregnancy test she’d been hiding behind her back.

“I’m pregnant.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> natalie wants me to tell you that you have to thank her for the fact that i didn't kill bellamy off because it was a thought i had for about three days when i first started the fic. but ya know whatever. (Edit: Natalie didn't convince me to not kill bellamy stop thanking her for it


End file.
